In this post-Freudian age the institution of marriage, as a by-product of religiously-fuelled monogamy, has deteriorated to the point theat amorphous sexual identity, as opposed to rigid religiosity, has become the primary self-defining feature of the individual.But has anything changed?Has the entrapment of woman via marriage which Blake called a "gilded cage" merely deteriorated to the "rusty prison" of the Bang Bus, representative of the anonymous male-centric sex and gang bangs.
Hello bitch, nice TITS ahahahahah milky millky milky baby thristy mommy baby want milk suck suck suck suck hahahaha stupid cunt give me those big udders you slut hahahaha tits tit titty me your caveman me use big titty for big bitty hahaha honk honk honk slut cunt mommy honk honk milky baby want more now honk honk honk pitter patter on those big mommy milkies hee hee hee haha haaaa haaaa can't stop the milk truck coming through honk honk all aboard the titty train hee hee wooo wooooooo honk honk honk!!!
So you're going by " " now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tyler from Highschool. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time in school. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..
You think you know shit you dumb bitch? Fuck you I’ll slit your families throats with no remorse. Don’t ever disrespect Teletubbies again idiot.
ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Women Aren't Funny (Feat: Back To The Kitchen) ───────────⚪────── ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►► 5:12/ 7:𝟻𝟼 ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙️
I am so Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ . so fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ . why do you have to do this to me. you made me Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ and i cant control myself. if i wasnt so fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ iwould be living the life. but no, im am fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ and i have to live in this shithole. which doesn't help because im so fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶. no one has come to help me so far. that is also making me Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶. everyone is so shit and it makes me so Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ i just cant contain my Ṭ̷Řͧ̏
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.
Lord Maximus, 22.
Lord Maximus at your service m’lady, level 82 DM, feminist, gentleman, sandwich lover, burrito lover, woman lover.
*ahem* Listen Carefully, M'lady, it seems you have stolen something from me,and i am very upset, i will have no choice but to contact the town sheriff to place in the stocks,for thieving, if you do not return my heart to me posthaste, this kind of behaviour will not be tollerated, however, i am willing to overlook this transgression, if tou agree to a date with me, otherwise chareges will be pressed for the stealing of my heart, i await your letter of acceptance *kisses hand and blows* yours truly,lord Maximus
1- I got a dig bick
2- you that read wrong
3- you read that wrong too
4- you checked
5- you smiled
7- your wondering why your still
this reading this
8- you saw that mistake.... Right? (on 7)
10- but did you see that I skipped 6?
10- you checked
11- and saw you that I doubled 10 and skipped 9
12- I said saw you, not you saw
13- I also skipped 2
14- you just got tricked
15- I am just wasting your time, everyone says "I deserve a like" but I probably don't haha, but go back to reading those comments you beautiful creature?
Yesterday I saw a white, windowless van saying "free candy" in spray paint. I love candy, especially free, so naturally i walk over to the van and knock on the window. The man came out and he looked quite old and strange, and he also smelt a bit like fish and sewage. But who am I to judge if I'm getting free candy right? He opened the back door and told me to come inside. Inside it was dark and it smelt like the bathroom after my dad's daily alone time. I felt the man touch my legs and feet when all of a sudden the lights turned on. i could see him crouched over next to me at a light switch and to my amazement there was the most candy I have ever seen in my life. The man smiled to reveal black and missing teeth, probably from the sugar in all of the candy. He told me to take as much as i want. After eating as much as my stomach could hold, I went home with my pockets filled with the candy. When i got home, my dad asked where have I been all this time so i told him the story. He then took me to my room and proceeded to fuck me in the ass
You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feat.
After hours of deliberation with the council of high intellect education foundation ( C. H. I. E. F.), it has officially been determined that the content of this will be immediately categorised under stage 2 terminology ‘this most definitely ain’t it’ until further action can be proposed. After several proceedings, the 4 council representatives; Ligma, Sugma, Bofa and SuCon, they have outlined various problems within this matter. Firstly, it rejects and defies the first commandment of memeology; “No Cap” preferably referred to as “No 🧢” Secondly, it also defies the second commandment of memeology; “is this loss?” People truly feel at loss when this predicament presents itself and to answer their question it is not loss. However this post represents the very dooming definition of loss. Finally, it defies the final and most important commandments issued by the council of high intellect and education foundation (C. H. I. E. F.); “I just got off the phone with chief.... not it” [memeology v.2 : chapter 4 : page 3 : verse 34]. This is a grave mistake you have made as only the chosen intellects can access the intercellular matrix that connects beings of low intellect (humans) and beings of high intellect (chiefs). Only ones who have the highest intellect and highest IQ can enter the intercellular matrix of the planetary separations and therefore connect to the C. H. I. E. F bureau for further questioning. As this issuement has not met the certain requirements in memeology, it will be transferred further down into the stage 5 catergory, terminalised as “delete this shit nigga”
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Don't let this you from the fact I didn't say distract
𓈝 everyone gangsta til the rectangle nigga start walkin 𓈝
Dihydrogen Monoxide, also known as “Hydro-Oxy” is a new street drug that the kids use, it is an extremely addictive substance . The withdrawals of the substance is so severe that it may kill the user after three days of not taking it. No joke.
The prettiest girls look like 👩🏽 The popular girls looks like 💃🏼 And I look like 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿
What's good 😜 u candy cane cum guzzler 👅🎄DICKCEMBER🎄 is here and u know what that means ❄ HOE HOE HOE season has arrived 🎅 put on your rudolph pasties 🔴 pop ur peppermint pussy 🍬 and sit by the fireplace with some hot COCKLATE 🍆☕if u want to get RAWED 👉👌 under the mistletoe 🌿 this christmAss 🎁 send this to 15 of your sluttiest elves 👩👨 if u get 0 back 😔 ur an UGLY GRINCH👀 if u get 5 back 😌 ur a SEXY SNOWMAN ⛄⛄if u get 10 back 😘 ur a BAD JINGLE BELL BITCH 🔥🙌 SHARE in 69 😉💦 seconds or you won't be gettin dicked down 😱 in 2❕0❕1❕9
🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy
Fuck a hater , hit a snitch , your my girl 👭 , my 5 star bitch , i love you more than any dick 💕💯, && if i dont get this back 🕙 , you aint worth shit !! Send this to 8 girls you care about .. 💯 I love you , I love you forever !! 💯 Whoever stops this will suffer for 83 days !! 💯💯💯 Ready, set, GO !!!! in
Stahp. 👋 🏻 Don't Flirt Wit Meh. Do Yhu Not Know What In A➡ RELATIONSHIP⬅ Means.? Frfr.👋 🏻 I Am Loyal. 💯 I Am In Love.💗 && Nobody Gunna Come Between Us. 😝 Stop Wit Yhur Thirsty Asses Tryna Hit Me Up On The DL, I Am Commited.✌ 🏼👌🏼💯
! ! ! ATTENTION 2003 KIDS ! ! ! This 👇 is the last year of being a kid 👦👧! Because NEXT 👉YEAR! We gon be T33N4G3RS💁💅!! PARTYING 🎉💃 DRINKING 🍻🍸🍹🍷 MAKING OUT AND SEX 👅💦O_O PERIODS ☹🍫 HEARTBREAKS 💔☹ MIDDLE SCHOOL SOPHOMORES (7️⃣TH GRADE)
🎃👻🎃👻🎃👻👻👻🎃👻 spooky shit spooky sHit🎃 thats ✔ some spooky🎃🎃shit right🎃🎃th 🎃 ere🎃🎃🎃 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 🎃🎃 🎃НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 💯 🎃 👻👻 👻 🎃🎃spooky shit
slam me the FUCK uP 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 john cena JOhN cEna👌 john ✔ cena john👌👌cena john👌👌cena👌👌👌 john✔cena ✔✔u can't see me if I do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌John ceNa
POTENTIALLY sign me the FUCK up 👋👀👋👀👋👀👋👀👋👀 average shit modera̷̶te sHit 👋 thats some ALright 👋👋shit right 👋👋 th 👋 ere 👋👋👋 right 🆗 there 🆗 if i do ƽaү so my selｆ🆗 i say so 🆗 that could be what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ 🆗 👋 👋👋НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ 👋 👋👋 👋 🆗 👋 👀 👀 👀 👋👋Not outstanding shit
💩🐃💩🐃💩🐃💩🐃💩🐃 bull shit bull sHit💩 thats ✖️ some bull💩💩shit right💩💩th 💩 ere💩💩💩 right✖️there ✖️✖️if i do ƽaү so my selｆ ‼️ i say so ‼️ thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ‼️ 💩💩 💩HO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ💩 💩💩 💩 ‼️ 💩 🐃 🐃 🐃 💩💩Bull shit
Merry ⛄️🌟 Christmas Babe 🔥🍑👅 I hope 🙏🏼👏🏼 Santa comes 👄💦😩 to visit you 👣👟and give 👍🏼 you a package 🙈📦💌💦. Hope you were a 😇🙂 good girl 😛🍆 this year instead of the😽 usual 😼 naughty 🙄 girl 💦🍑👅😛😫🔥🔥. Santa is definitely ✊🏻 coming 💧tonight 🎅🏿🎅🏻😳😏 and he's gonna 😍😘 stuff your stocking 😝👌🏽👈🏽 with goodies 💋💄👙👗 tonight on this 🎄Christmas 🎄night ❄️⛄️☃🌨💫. Santa 🎅🏻 is gonna 💪🏿💪🏼✊🏻squeeze 🖖🏻down your 👧🏽 😰 narrow 😛😍chimney 🏡🏠 and show you 👀 that you've been a very👸🏽👸🏽 naughty 😏😫😝 girl. Then his 💁🏼 helper 😬😏 Boy 🍆🙃🙂 is gonna 🎄sleigh you baby 😛😏😲👐🏼🙌🏻 and inspect 🕵🔎🔍 that 🍑 sweet 💦 ass🍑 because that's what 👉🏽you👈🏽 want for Christmas 🍑💦😛🔥😏😍🍆👅👀 Santa 🎅🏻 is cumin😻👽 to town 🏢🏦🏬🏚🏡🏠🏣🏤 the clock 🕐 is ticking 🙄 be ready 😏😛🍆 Santa is cumin down↘️⬇️↙️ your👌🏽😍 chimney🖖🏻👅 tonight 😮and he's gonna 😨drown in that chimney 🤐😰💦💧☔️🏊🏼🏄🏼🚣🏼 of yours 🛀🏼🍆🍑 SLEIGH 🎄🎄 🎅🏻SANTA🎅🏻 🎄🎄 SLEIGH 🍆😩💦👩❤️💋👩
OMG 😱😱😱 BRO👬 CALM 😴😴 DOWN BRO ⬇️⬇️ SIMMER ☕️☕️ DOWN⬇️⬇️ U WANNA KNOW Y⁉️ BC 💁💁 IT WAS JUST A PRANK 😂😂😂 😛😜 HAHAHA GOT U 👌👌 U FUKIN RETARD 😂😁😁THERE'S A CAMERA 📹📷 RIGHT OVER 👈👇👆☝️ THERE 📍U FAGOT 👨❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨👐WE 👨👨👦 GOT U BRO👬. I BET U DIDNT 🙅🙅NOE 💆HOW 2⃣ REACT WHEN MY 🙋 BRO DESMOND 😎😎 CAME UP ⬆️ TO U AND 💦💦😫😫 JIZZED ALL OVER UR 👖👖 SWEET JEANS 😂😂 IT WAS SO FUNNY 😂😛😀😀😅 NOW U HAVE 🙋👅👅 SUM BABY👶👶 GRAVY 💦🍲 ALL OVER THEM SHITS😵😵
✋✋✋✋✋hol' up hol' up ✋✋ looks 👀 like we got a master 🎓 memer 🐸🐸🐸 over here 👈👈👈👩👩 hold on to your 👙panties👙ladies!💋💁fuccbois better back the hell ⬆️up⬆️ this absolute 🙀🙀🙀 maaaaaadman!!1! 👹 all you other aspiring 🌽🌽 memers👽👻💀 mmmight as wwwell give up! 👎👎👎👎cuse 👉this guy👈is as good 👌👌👌as it gets! 👏👏👏😹😹
👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
LOOK 🚗🚗 THE FUCK🚙🚙🚙 OUT🚖🚖🚖🚕🚕🚕🚚🚚🚚🚚 IT'S🚓🚓🚒🚒🚒🚑🚑 CAR O'CLOCK🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏BETTER CHECK🚏🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜BOTH SIDES🚚🚚🚚🚚🚜OF THE ROAD🚙🚙🚙🚙🚙B4 U CROSS🚛🚕🚕🚗🚗🚖🚖🚖🚚🚚OR YOU'LL GET HIT🚚🚚🚓🚓🚓🚔🚔🚔🚔👌👌👌👌👌👌
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 i just had sex 👉🏿👌🏿💏💏 with your 👀comment 👀👱♀️👱🏻♀️👱🏿♀️cus I SMASHED that MFIN LIKE BUTTON 😂👦🏿👦🏿nigga👦🏿👦🏿😂😂😂
yea 💯 my dicc 😎🍆 long 🙀😼💁🏻but 😛🍑 you know 🤔👀 whats even 😩😏🙈 longer??? 😈😱😰 my yea boyyyyyyyyyy 🗣👦🏻😂👌😜
It’s 😂 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Yee, yee 😏) It’s 😏 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (What he say? 🤔⁉️) It’s 😪 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Oh, yes! 😄) (Yeeeah 😁) It’s 😐 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Hey, 👋😃 I know 💭 that kid 👦!) It’s 😜 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Don't ❌ forget 🤔 ya boy 😎 Angel 😇!) It’s 😙 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (It’s the Nut🌰shack🏚! 🙂) It’s 🤔 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (It’s the Nut🌰shack🏚! 😕) It’s 🤑 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Yeah! 😊) (It’s the Nut🌰shack🏚… 😴) It’s 🙃 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Hey! 😠) It’s 😤 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (This beat's 🎵 knockin' 😎👌!) It’s 😵 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Whoooa! 😮😱) It’s 😳 the Nut🌰shack🏚!
Phil’s 😎 from 📤 'Frisco 🏙, Jack’s 😪 from 📤 the P.I. 🏝! Horatio 🐒 or Horat 🤖 so big-eyed 👁👁! Tito Dick 👨 “😫Dick🍆man😫💦”, baby 👶! He raised 👨👦 Phil 😎 and loves 😍 the ladies 👯! Jack’s 😪 cool 😎 and lazy 😴, he’s still learnin’ 📖! Otherwise Cherry 🍒 Pie's 🍰 still a virgin 🙄! Chita 🙋, meet 👋😃 da freak 😱 of da weekah 🗓! Phil’s 😎 home🏠girl🚺, man Jack 😪 wanna keep her! But 😦 that’s not 🙅 happenin’, either 😭😩😭! (NO! 😡)
Shakin’ 😰 like a seizure 😱, hold up 🖐😦, boys 👬 Let me spark 💥 this 🚬, take a breather 😤 (Yeaaah, huh-huh! 😂😂😂) Breathe that 🌿reefer🌿 in my lungs I Gott Grapes 🍇, what 🤔⁉️ you 🙇 watchin’ 📺, son?
It’s 😒 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Yah! 😄👍) It’s 😮 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (AAAAARRRGH! 😡😡😡) It’s 😎 the Nut🌰shack🏚! It’s 😂 the Nut🌰shack🏚!
If Michael 👓from vsauce👓 and my girl 👧 😍 both drowning 🌊💦💦😵 and I can only save one 👓👧 Catch me😎 at my girl👸 funeral ⛪😔😔😔 👻 🌹having an existential crisis 😮😮😧😧
Hell-o! 🤗This is message 📲brought to you by the hoes🕹🕹🕹 of hoesgiving! You turkey lurkey slut! 🦃🍴This will provide you the necessary 😏 ingredients to spice up your thanksgiving dish. no need to EAT OUT 🍽🍆💦💦💦💦💦on thanksgiving 🦃🦃🦃🦃when you can dish out 🍴your own😏🍆 Gobble 🦃Gobble 🦃this d🍆Icccccckkkk Don't forget the stuffing 😯💦to gobble👏 gobble👏 gobble👏 on a big ol😜😜 dick👌💋. back in 1️⃣4️⃣9️⃣2️⃣, our main bitch💁💁 Christopher Columbus👦🏻 and those slutty👙👠 pilgrims🏊🏊 had to 💦💦cum💦💦 2️⃣ America⛵️⛵️⛵️⚓️ in search🕵 of new dicks to suck🐓🐓🐓.
send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your sluttiest pilgrim 🌽🌽 bitches or you won’t get any 💦gravy💦 this year. Get 5️⃣ back and you’re a mashed potato hoe😟😟. get 1️⃣0️⃣ back and you’re a sexy stuffing slut😽😽. happy 🦃cock🐓 gobbling👄 thursday and get ready for big ◼️BLACK◼️ dick 🎅🏿FRIDAY🎅🏿
💦👉😩Touch👈😍my😱😱👤BODY😍👤⬇️⬇️put⬇️⬇️me on the😩😍floor💦💦WRESTLE👊😍me around🔥😩PLAY💦🔥with me some😩more😩😍touch✋✋my👤body👤THROW⬆️me 🔛on🔛 the🔥😍BED💦😩I just wanna make you👉👌feel😍💦like you🙅never❌🚫did🔥😩
One day in a sunny McDonald's land, Ronald McDonald was sitting under the shade pondering about his dream he had. He had gone to bed feeling especially suicidal, as a Redditor normally feels, but he had reached some sort of turning point. He just knew it...
In his dream, a sexy man with luscious hair appeared before him. He shivered and Ronald got a gigantic erection. He immediately though of very indecent thoughts, causing his mouth to water.
He would taste better than a Big Mac, he thought.
Then the sexy man introduced himself as Jesus Christ. He had a deep voice that mad Ronald secretly fangirl to himsef. Shivers were running through his McDick. Jesus had an innocent aura around him. Ronald wanted to rub Jesus in his colors.
Ronald watched as Jesus gracefully walked to him. He couldn't hold back as he pushed himself against Jesus wanting to be as close as possible to the sexy beast in front of him. Then he woke up to his damn Mclarm clock.
Fuck me. Ronald thought. He then grabbed his special Mcbasket and headed out to be under the shade.
Ronald's mouth watered again at the thought of his dream. Then the sky opened up. Light came from the sky and he heard angles singing. Then he saw Jesus coming down from the Heavens and was advancing towards him. Jesus was now in front of Ronald and he touched Jesus's smooth, sexy, sexy skin. He was real, alright. PRAISE THE LORD!
Ronald tried his best at a seductive smile. Then he grabbed some rope from the Mcbasket.
"Time for bondage play!" Ronald said.
Jesus, without resisting, was tied to a pole by his wrists. Now was the time Ronald could do all the dirty deeds he got the ideas from _demetri_ online. He licked Jesus behind his ear, that cause Jesus to feel an electrical shock of pleasure run down his body. Ronald got out a Mcwhip and began slapping Jesus's ass. Jesus moaned out loud, "Ahhhh! Put your holy staff in my oven!"
Ronald thrust his McDick in Jesus's oven. It was warm as fuck.
"Harder!" Jesus moaned. He did it harder and harder. Then all of the sudden they felt the ground shake. Smoke came out of the ground and revealed a man with platinum hair. He had sexy jet black wings that had scars all over it. He wore all leather and had obscene tattoos all over his ripped body. He had a six pack and was pale as death. Ronald would kill for him.
"Well, well Jesus..." said the mysterious guy in a smokers voice.
"Satan! I...I...I love him!" proclaimed Jesus defiantly.
"He, he, he…. I want you both." Satan chuckled.
Then Satan put his demonic staff in Ronald's frier as Ronald put his McDick in Jesus's oven, the three of the rocking back and forth, feeling like one.
Ronald in the middle felt a tear run down his eyes as he moaned, “I’m never going to think of killing myself again.”
Hit or miss 🗡✖
I guess they never miss huh? 🤔❌
You got a boyfriend 💑
I bet he doesn't kiss ya 💏✖
He gon find another girl 😱🙍♀️
And he won't miss ya 😂😎
He gon skrrt and hit the dab 🚗😎
Like Wiz Khalifa 😉😉
Alright so essentially socks are a gay insulator. When you kiss another man, touch balls, and then proceed to not say no homo. That some gay shit. Although socks are like a last line of defense. Now as I presume many of you know by now the gay travels through the ground like a current. So when you kiss another man, touch balls, and then proceed to not say no homo it doesn't go from mouth to mouth. Rather it goes down for the ground and travels up into your body from below which is GAY as FUCK. Although socks will block the gay from even entering your body thereby meaning that kissing another man, touching balls, and saying full homo are actually straight as fuck as long as you wear socks.
Dog goes "woof"
Cat goes "meow"
Bird goes "tweet"
And mouse goes "squeek"
Cow goes "moo"
Frog goes "croak"
And the elephant goes "toot"
Ducks say "quack"
And fish go "blub"
And the seal goes "ow ow ow"
But there's one sound
That no one knows
What does the fox say?
What the fox say?
What the fox say?
What the fox say?
What the fox say?
There's a certain amount of respect I would love to obtain with you. But this aspect of respect is produced with levels of understanding and knowledge of each other, I would love to get to know you better in all ways in order to respect you more fully, ways of obtaining this respect comes with the knowledge of knowing you better physically, mentally, spiritually, and in all other aspects. Shall we start with our physical aspects. Knowledge of each other physically can be accomplished in several ways, perhaps a tactic of understanding can be done in photography of our physical bodies. Perhaps we could exchanged detailed photographs of ourselves physically in order to understand each other better in turn to set the stage for an for an even deeper, solid, and respectful relationship
This video was too long. Halfway through it, I got hungry so I left it playing and went to the kitchen to fix my self a sandwich. But then I found out that I'm out of mayonnaise so I went to a store. There, I saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my whole life. But I'm really a shy person so I took up a three-year personality development course so I can introduce my self. She was very friendly and all, but unfortunately, she has a boyfriend. So I said, all good, I'm a mature person. I want the best for her and I harbor no illusion that I am the best person for her and she seems happy with her boyfriend, so I did not bother her anymore. But we kept in touch and we became friends and I got over my crush on her. Then she broke up with her boyfriend, we drank some alcohol because of it, I told her she'll be fine and I wished her well. I still think she's the most beautiful woman in the world, but like I said, I am over my crush on her. It was like five years already when I first saw her. Besides, I am quiet happy with the friendship I developed with her. It was more important than a crush. So we kept hanging out, drinking, having coffee, and all. I had a girlfriend, she started dating other guys. My girlfriend wants to live some other life without me in it, so I said, okay, I want the best for you and I want you to pursue your happiness. My lady friend and I drank alcohol about it, and she gave me the same advice I gave her when she was in that position and I became okay with the breakup immediately. But we were really drunk, so she spent the night in my apartment. I only have one bed, so you know what that means: She took the bed and I slept on the couch. But on the couch, I really can't sleep. Something was bothering me. So I tossed and turned for about three hours, then I finally can't take it anymore, I stood up and went straight to my room where she's sleeping. I approached the bed, gently sat on it and I reached for her shoulder to pull her closer to me. She stirred and woke up. She asked what's up. I told her, you know, the first time I saw you, I was watching a video and left it playing to get my self a sandwich then went to the store to get some mayo then I got distracted by life that I forgot to finish the video. She said, you know what, I've been wondering about a weird noise in your night drawer. So we opened that drawer, and lo and behold, there's my phone and this video still has two minutes of play time on it.
time is just a way we call change. for example, when something rots its a change, but as we say “ rots away over time “. Time is an illusion made by man to set standards on the things we do. Without out the concept of “ time “ humans will not know how to live.
I’ve heard lots of great things about Firebird and I’ve been meaning to try them for ages, but they have such a large and nuanced catalog that I had trouble deciding. I finally gave up and ordered the full sampler set containing one of every currently available scent. TAT was fast, the samples came in a little tin, packaging was generally unremarkable. I’ve tested a few of the scents I was most excited for but let the whole set rest for 30 days before I tested to write reviews. Disclaimer: The danger in ordering a house’s entire collection is that you’re definitely going to get some stuff that you’re not gonna like. I’ve tried to note when something isn’t my style in my reviews so you’ll know not to take my word for it. Things I like: “Dirty” gourmands, resins, woody scents, atmospherics Things I hate: Oriental scents, aquatics, gourmands without something weird added. All The Firebird Lavender Milk - lavender, vanilla, coconut milk, sugared musk This smells like a freshly bathed baby ready for bed. This is a perfect sleep scent for me, will absolutely buy a full size. Nectar - sun-warmed honey, beeswax, apricot nectar, vanilla pod, hay, a drop of clove Honey dripping from a honeycomb covered in crystallized honey, next to a bouquet of freshly picked dandelions. Vanilla Amber - sweet vanilla, cardamom, sandalwood Vanilla for beginners. It’s like B&BW Warm Vanilla Sugar, but less complex. This is fine. Green Lemon - lemon leaf, verbena, lemon zest This reminds me so much of the lemon balm plant my mom had in our garden. I may FS just for the childhood memories. Almond Milk - almond, vanilla, musk This is the perfume equivalent of a no makeup makeup look. It’s equal parts cozy and sexy, totally believable as a skin scent. “What? I woke up smelling like this.” Cake - sugared vanilla, lemon zest, almond, cake WYSIWYG, folks. This smells like cake. Not like, buttercream icing or a vague vanilla scent, but an actual fancy white cake with just a hint of lemon zest. Ginger Ale - bright citrus, fresh ginger, fizz Literal ginger ale, and not any of that toothless Schweppes nonsense either. This smells like a freshly poured glass of good ginger ale. It’s not Vernor’s spicy but it’s a solid Ale8 1. Campfire - maple sugar, charred marshmallow, smoky firewood This started out like being blasted in the face with some woodsmoke, then the maple sugar kicked in and it turned into that artificially maple flavored bacon. On drydown the charred marshmallow comes out and the maple and woodsmoke recede a lot. This isn’t what I was hoping for but if you’ve ever wanted to smell like a freshly toasted marshmallow this is the scent for you. Lavender Wood - lavender, cedar, sandalwood LAVENDER! Later joined by a little bit of sandalwood. This one smells like a fancy spa. Not sure how I feel about it as a perfume but would 100% buy it in a bath salt or massage oil. Vanilla Cedar - vanilla, clove, cedar, patchouli, dark woods, incense I amp clove, but when it eventually settled down the cedar came out. On me this ends up being a nice, not too literal Christmas scent. Heavy Seas - teak wood, sea spray, soot Disclaimer: I tested this one on a tissue because most aquatics and I do not get along. Hot damn, this is a freshly showered, clean cut smokin’ hot man scent. It’s all fancy men’s soap with a hint of woodsmoke. It’s not something I’d wear and it’s not really something I’d want my guy to wear, but it’s something I’d want to catch a brief whiff of when a particularly attractive man walked by. Saltwater - ocean water, salt air, driftwood Tissue tested, followed by a skin test. This is really pretty. To me it smells very beachy, in a remote island getaway kind of way. No sunscreen or plastic coolers here. It does have a hint of ozone and I think that really sells the ocean vibe but unfortunately means it doesn’t work for me. Lagoon - sea moss, saltwater, warm sun Tissue tested. Oh god. Oh no. This is why I don’t do aquatics, they nearly always smell like Aqua di Gio cologne to me. Cedar & Mint - cedarwood, fresh mint, damp earth Years ago I bought a cedar oil based toilet bowl cleanser from Whole Foods. This smells exactly like that. Honey & Tobacco - pipe tobacco, honey, smoked tea Oh hell yes, this is more my speed. A super realistic honey note tempered with the scent of an unlit cigar and a nice bitter punch from the tea. I’ll probably FS this. Cinders - woodsmoke, burning leaves, beewax This would be the most realistic campfire scent I’ve been able to find in my very long quest, but my brain is doing a weird jalapeño thing with the burning leaves. Black Tea & Mint - mint leaves, iced tea, sugar This really does smell like sweet mint iced tea. It’s sweet but not candy-sweet and I definitely get that tall cold glass of iced tea vibe. This isn’t my usual thing but I bet it’s super refreshing to wear while gardening on a hot, hot day. Ginger Tea - spicy ginger, charred cedar, black tea The name sounded cozy and soothing, but the scent is the exact opposite. I’m getting lots of charred cedar with a hint of freshly grated ginger in the background. I could see this going into my regular fall rotation. Viking - saltwater, green birch, snow Tissue tested Ahh geez, another aquatic. I’m definitely getting a cold, snowy vibe and the green birch is super accurate. I just can’t get over the aquatic-ness. Sorry aquatic lovers. Grapefruit Soda - grapefruit, peach nectar, soda bubbles This is a super realistic, effervescent grapefruit soda scent. It makes me want to put on my cheap sunglasses and go get lunch and a Jarritos from a taco truck. Snowdrift - peppermint, vanilla, evergreen Peppermint. And something sweet. This reminds me a lot of SS Snowmint Mallow. I’m not getting any evergreen which is fine by me since it often gives me a headache. Black Cocoa - chocolate, amber, cedar This starts out smelling like brownie batter, then the Amber starts to come out and it smells... off for a little while. Eventually it settles down into a really warm, cozy chocolate scent. This is what I hoped Suc’s Chocolate Stout would be. Cardamom Burnt Sugar - cardamom, caramelized sugar, cocoa NGL, I was afraid of trying this one after my first experience with a cardamom perfume was sickeningly overpowering. But this is really nice and I get a lot of burnt sugar with an appropriate amount of cardamom. Moroccan Fig - fig leaves, ripe fruit, exotic blooms Method limited edition Tropical Cloud hand soap. Wild Fig - black fig, black tea, crimson maple leaves, cypress, cedar, precious resins Red waxy Joann Fabrics Christmas candle (everyone’s fig notes go this way on me, ignore this review). Grapefruit Ginger - juicy citrus, lime zest, fresh ginger Big Box Bath and Body Energizing aromatherapy blend Vanilla Bergamot - bergamot, lemon peel, black tea, vanilla, sandalwood, amber This weirdly smells like the hand lotion my dad used to use when I was a kid - I’m not sure what it was but I suspect it was OG Johnson’s baby lotion in the pink bottle left over after my baby brother outgrew it. My dad is cheap AF you guys. It’s a shame I inherited his dry skin instead of his frugality. Blood Cedar - blood orange, patchouli, cedar Orange hard candy eaten in secret in a cedar wardrobe. Cabin - campfire smoke, Virginia cedar, fir needle This is a true camping scent and it’s perfection. Ginger Bourbon - ginger, wet tobacco, lime This is a very spicy ginger and bourbon cocktail. When the ginger fades it leaves behind a really gorgeous bourbon scent that somehow smells specifically like bourbon without smelling too boozy for work. Woodland - moss, evergreens, galbanum This is a really fresh, green, slightly feminine scent. If I wanted to smell like I had just stepped out of the shower this is what I’d wear. I absolutely expected to have to scrub this since green scents make me nauseous this but it’s actually very pretty. Woodsmoke & Vanilla - firewood, fir needle, vanilla This is like being smacked across the face with a slab of candied bacon. In summary Well, this sampler taught me a few things, like that I seriously amp woodsmoke notes and that fig goes all Christmas candle on me, but I also found some winners and discovered that I can like aquatics and green perfumes depending on the blend. I took more detailed scent notes but didn’t want to bore you guys, so if you have questions about a certain scent ask away and I’ll try to answer!
I’m here to bring you the thirteenth iteration and twelfth update of the official PvP Tier List for the sub. The list may or may not have small changes/edits after release, so keep that in mind. Before that, let’s bring up Transcendence once again. Last list, because Transcendence was still in its infancy, we decided that due to the insane power boost it granted and unpredictability that we wouldn’t account for it when making the list. Well, that restriction is gone now. I think since the last time, we’ve had plenty of time to gather resources and study the effects of Transcendence in PvP, enough so that we can use it when calculating with confidence. Also, we’re going to be trying something new here. Thanks in great part to Caedas83, we finally have a graph that’ll make the list much easier on the eyes to go through, in addition to having all the builds, positioning and units listed in a much more concise manner. In addition, the new structure for the changelog was also Caedas’s work, so I can’t thank him enough for his patience and collaboration on this very long project. So, refer to the graph if you need to know where units are being placed. Of course we still have the changelog here, and the list will be updated on the BBS Wiki shortly after, so be sure to check it out if you need clarification there as well as other helpful resources.
The list has been updated for: 13 Squads:Respect & Affection - Rukia/Isane/Kyone & Sentaro CFYOW: The Alternate Rebirth: 4 - Barrigan/ Halibel/Tokinada Santa Claus: Holy Night - Nelliel/Soi Fon/Nanao Fierce Battle: Excellence - Aizen/Kenpachi/Ichigo Thousand-Year Blood War 7: Founders - Ichibe/Ohetsu/Orihime The Machine Society: Flower Festival - Riruka/Retsu/Loly CFYOW 5: Uncovered Truths: Wisdom - Kisuke/Halibel/Nelliel Thousand-Year Blood War 6: Quintessence - Temjiro/Kirio/Senjumaru The Machine Society: After the Festival - Toshiro/Ulquiorra/Kira CFYOW Summons 6: Thirst & Destruction - Luppi/Grimmjow/Shinji
represents unit(s) released after the previous list was published
*CFYOW Truths Grimmjow
*CFYOW Truths Shinji
The next 2 were added for completeness and oversight
Homura & Shizuku
6 Arms Nnoit
Shikai Ichigo TYBW
Dropped From S:
Kenpachi (Belief Version)
Chad (Bond Version)
Dropped From A+:
Dropped From A:
Ichigo (4th Anniv/FH)
Ulquiorra (3rd Anniv)
Dropped From B+:
Dropped From B:
Homura and Shizuku
Ichigo (TYBW Bankai)
Dropped From C+:
Hiyori (OG Remake)
Dropped from C:
Ichigo (TYBW Shikai)
Moved to Low Tier Boosers - Omaeda - Szayel
Change Log/Char. Notes
Ichibei: With the shifting climate of the PvP Meta due to new skill, new counters and especially Transcendence, it seemed like we were going to have a meta that could again bring SP-based attackers back to relevancy. Then Ichibei happened. Packing an attack-favored statline, Poise + Flurry, a 20% Bruiser, Paralysis Immunity, Start Barriers, Zero Squad Affiliation, Espada Killer and Weakening capabilties on all attacks (albeit no Debilitator), he was already fixing to be a top-tier DPS and complete counter to previous PvP Leader, CFYOW Nnoitora and render other Espadas obscure. But they also decided to give him a unique skill that was completely unnecessary in Pierce Barrier, which not only allowed him to completely ignore shields, but also stagger enemies that wouldn’t be otherwise, putting huge dampeners on shield units like Belief Toshiro and Yhwach and putting a wrench on a resurgence of SAD. Ichibei himself of course has no hard counter and beats out many of the units in tiers below him, making him the sole proprietor of the S Tier.
Nnoitora (Can’t Fear Your Own World): While Nnoitora is still an extremely powerful unit and definitely a staple on any meta Chappy team, gaining a new counter in Ichibei did not help his standings much and he isn’t a great main booster due to his lack of Enhancer. Still, his looney toons-like skillset makes him great on the sidelanes and against non-Ichibei leads, and he still does very well against SP units.
Chad (Bond): Still the best main booster, Chad’s set of attributes make him extremely tanky and great for holding a lane, cleaning up opposing lanes and as a surrogate for cheesy strats. Though he can’t really kill anything now, that’s usually not his job and he makes up for it by being great post-bomb.
Kenpachi (Belief): WeaKen is an extremely powerful Flurry + Poise DPS with a fast string, great set of attack-favored stats and probably the best wild card factor in his Debilitator Weakening-focused kit, allowing him to clutch out uneven fights and win normally bad matchups. Despite his kit however, he isn’t very fast as a shield breaker, and with no shields himself and a Captain Affiliation he is vulnerable to burst damage. Still, he fits great on a Chappy team for a DPS Slot.
Toshiro (Belief): The most viable SP Attacker in the meta currently, his Start Barrier, Frenzy Skill, Soul Trait SP-favored statline, ability to run Senkaizen and the Transcendence boost increases his burst potential immensely, especially with the SP stat ignoring defense calculations. He works better in the midlane against non-shield leads, where he can have guaranteed impact and either kill or take a huge chunk off his lane. You could also run him sidelane, and though that saves shield damage, it may not matter because sidelane matchups are uncontrollable. Of course, the advent of leads like Ichibei and CFYOW Nnoitora limits the potential impact he could have, and if his shields are broken too quickly by a sidelaner like MS Riruka, it could cause an early death for Toshiro, as his Captain Affiliation and build make him squishy.
Riruka (Machine Society): Very similar to WeaKen attribute-wise, she is a Power Flurry + Poise attacker just like him. The key difference is in their kits and affiliation. Her string is slower, but she breaks shields much easier than him, especially from the sidelane with her SA3. She also has a safer affiliation as a Human. You’re pretty much looking at a slightly safer version of WeaKen with a little extra shield breaking ability, but slower.
Grimmjow (CFYOW Truths): Grimmjow is a fairly recent unit, so more testing will likely have to be done, but he looks to be a solid Heart Flurry + Poise DPS with an SR Killer and a 40% Bruiser, giving him very high damage potential. If he had a boost, he would be a staple. The only discrepancy here is his affiliation means that he won’t be doing a number on Ichibei, he has no status of note to swing the balance in his favor and his lack of shields means he’s vulnerable to burst, however he can easily match and beat some of the top tier Captain in the meta provided RNG doesn’t mess with him too much.
Tokinada: On the surface, Tokinada seems like just an OK booster with traits similar to TYBW Shikai Ichigo, a ranged Flurry with no Poise and kinda mediocre. However, taking advantage of how the Last Ditch mechanic works, Tokinada can become a surprisingly devastating Last Ditch NAD Burster, abusing the mechanic to deal ridiculous amounts of damage to his enemies, completely untouched. This is aided by his boost, high attack, boosted NAD trait with Bruiser and SR Killer, allowing him to wipe out a wide range of enemies. You do need very specific circumstances for this to work and it is still in testing, but it’s probably the strongest gimmick strat in PvP now.
Oh-Etsu: Oh-Etsu will pretty much serve as your primary booster here, while his sets of skills and attributes allow him to stand for a while against certain threats like Ichibei and Genryusai. His trait isn’t ideal for it, but he can also make for a decent shield breaker if needed, though it’s not recommended to lane him against people like Belief Toshiro.
Genryusai (One-armed): The former Head Captain has received a recent resurgence due to the presence of Ichibei as a soft check, due to his attribute advantage and Flurry + Poise capabilities. While he excels in that instance, his high endlag SAs, lack of shields and Captain Affiliation make him food for most other top tiers, so he’s best strictly for that matchup or similar ones.
Ulquiorra (Third Anniversary): While Ulquiorra can still run a build as a substitute booster, the Transcendence buffs actually make him able to use his burst potential again against non-shield leads, and with Frenzy + Poise and a boosted SA trait, he can deal huge amounts of damage to those caught slipping. However, without shields he is vulnerable to damage/RNG, he can’t run Senkaizen, and he’s unsafe to run sidelane for fear of running into powerful counters like Chad or Ichibei.
Yhwach: Yhwach now forfeits the mixed SP/DR build and now goes full tank mode with Stamina accessories and DR, without chappies. Yes, this build relies on RNG bomb grabbing, and yes, it’s something we’ve been vehemently against in the past. However realistically, Yhwach is never going to die before bomb with his safe Affiliation, DR Trait, Start Barriers and Paralysis capabilities, and his shot at grabbing the Soul Bomb is higher than average due to his string, after which he can promptly clean the stage due to his Debilitator + Weakening + Bombardment, high SP bomb. Of course it’s an inconsistent build, but one that can net surprising results in the right hands.
Byakuya (Spirit Society): Just so you know, I was forced to do this. Byakuya sucks. But he does work in PvP, surprisingly. Due to his Havoc skill, he can work similar to how TYBW Shunsui/Captain Gin used to work back in the day, as a sidelane sniper to unsuspecting midlanes. Thanks to Transcendence boosts and his faster cast times than those 2, he can do surprising damage to non-shielded sidelanes and his own lane, depending on who he’s matched up with. Of course, very specific leads can interrupt him, and he doesn’t do well against shielded units like Ichibei, but he has a place in PvP that can work semi-consistently. I still maintain that byakuya sucks, but whatevs.
Shinji (Can’t Fear Your Own World): Pretty much the melee very of byakuya, they have the exact same kit so they’re used the exact same way.
Toshiro (TYBW Zombie): Toshiro serves as a midlane, omni-directional Poise+ SP burster. His SA3 is his bread and butter, allowing him to hit all 3 lanes at once, and thanks to Transcendence buffs, he can do much more damage than before. In particular, he’s a decent counter to the new Grimmjow and Ulquiorra and also bodies other lower tier Arrancars like HW Halibel and CFYOW Nelliel. Because he is Poise + Frenzy however, he shares many of the same weaknesses Ulquiorra does, namely no shields, meaning no Senkaizen, limiting his potential. His squishiness and Captain Affiliation also ensures he goes down quick if he doesn’t finish or freeze his lane, which could hamper your chances if you don’t make enough impact.
Ichigo (TYBW Bankai): Ichigo pretty much functions as your substitute Enhancer booster. He does have a couple of nice immunities in Paralysis and Weakening, but other than that he’s there to boost and survive.
Lilynette (Halloween): Lilynette is pretty much your best main healer right now, as her Affiliation is safer than others and she has Flurry + Poise and DR to help with survivability, plus Arrancar killer helps a bit against Nnoitora, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. However, ranged A.I kills any DPS capabilities she could have, and with no shields she is vulnerable to burst, especially from TYBW Zombie Toshiro.
Kirio: Take Lilynette, make her Mind, turn SR killer into Arrancar, add a boost to her heal and you have Kirio. She has all the same strengths and weaknesses, however in addition she can put other lanes in jeopardy by rushing into them with flash steps, and she also boosts late because of her heal/ranged mechanics especially on certain strategies. She can be used in a similar way to Tokinada or function as a substitute booster, however she’s not as good for either and ends up just being second-rate in that regard. However, she does hold her lane against some of the more relevant units and the heal helps with team support.
Unohana (TYBW): Long gone are the days of the Queen of PvP being the undisputed PvP God. Her SAs have great frame data, her bomb is still stupid and her team heal is still decent for support the team, however her Captain Affiliation, lack of shields, slow string and plethora of counters and checks has lowered her status quite a bit. Her best bet is to probably stall against Ichibei and hope for the bomb to swing the fight in your favor, however if the enemy team has any strong burst unit, she is in trouble.
Ichigo (4th Anniversary Full Hollow): Ichigo is a strong check to Unohana, and does decently as a Mind Flurry + Poise DPS against other Captains while shutting down healing, however against non-Captain he loses 20 percent resistance, leaving him in trouble against non-Captain top tiers. He also has no status to swing the fight and no shields, making him terribly vulnerable to SP bursters like Belief Toshiro.
Sui-Feng (TYBW): Sui-Feng is another substitute booster, similar to TYBW Bankai Ichigo. She has the advantage of Flurry + Poise over him and an attack-favored statline, however she also doesn’t share his immunities and has the Captain, which when combined with lack of DR makes her super vulnerable against prominent Captain Killers like CFYOW Nnoitora and WeaKen. She does work well, however, against non-Captain Killer sidelanes like Oh-Etsu and Ulquiorra, and can shield break with her vortex.
Kenpachi (Fierce Battle): Fierce Battle Kenpachi is another fairly recent unit, and on paper he has decent traits. He is a Frenzy + Poise SP burster and is packing an SR killer, a boosted SAD trait and a 40% Berserker, which seems nice. However, not only does he not have the benefits of shields like Belief Toshiro, but his range isn’t as great as TYBW Zombie Toshiro, and he doesn’t have Havoc like SpS Byakuya, so he ends up just being a stronger version of TYBW Kenpachi, which means he has all the same weaknesses that ultimately bring him down.
Kenpachi (The Lost Agent Version): Niche substitute booster that works OK against lower tier Espada.
Nnoitora (Lost Agent Version: Niche, high defense DPS to target specific Captains.
Ulquiorra (White Day): Niche staller against Ichibei/Chad.
Tsukishima: Niche Weakening staller and healer.
Ururu (Christmas): Niche Freeze staller and healer.
Halibel (Halloween): Niche paralysis staller against certain Soul Reapers.
Sajin (The Lost Agent): Niche Last Ditch paralysis staller.
Tier list representatives are VanitasReigns. Credit to MadSweeny#8787, Pwned#8807 (Discord Tag) and Roy-Legacy for helping update the list with me, as well as huge credit to Caedas83 for creating the graphic and reformatting the changelog.
Hello all! I got some more 3-wick blind buys so I thought I'd do another review! First, though, a reminder: I am an uncultured swine. If you tell me something smells like White Jasmine or Agave Nectar or Bergamot Zest I'll just nod and say I bet that smells pretty nifty. I don't know how to identify notes, I have no idea how they actually get candles to smell like water and wind and who knows what else, and if you covered up the names of all of these I'd definitely give it a shot but I would not be able to identify them. Cucumber & Lily - I feel like this smells how cucumber water tastes. It's really fresh and light and airy. I hate to keep using "soapy" to describe how these candles smell but it does pop up a lot and soapy isn't a bad thing. It smells very clean. Burn this when you're done with your last bit of cleaning and I bet it'll be a nice finishing touch. Daydream - This one's strong, you can tell the second you take off the lid. It's soft and heady but a little fruity, like if you went into one of those shops where they sell a lot of hemp stuff but the shopkeep's perfume almost overpowered the incense. Citrus Crystals - [gordon ramsey voice] Delicious. Finally some good fucking citrus. It smells like an orange creamsicle. That's really all I've got to say about it. Not sure how I'll feel about my whole apartment smelling like it but I'm excited to find out! Banana Bundt Cake - I said if there was a legitimate banana-scented candle I would buy it and by god I'm a woman of my word. Truthfully, I love it. It smells like banana (not banana candy - banana) and your favorite brown candle from around Christmas time -- cinnamon, maybe. I feel about this candle the same way I feel about Strawberry Pound Cake; it's a baked good first, but the fruit makes each just different enough from the other to be able to enjoy them separately. I hope that helps someone! Honestly I do recommend all of them. Indulge in some blind buys, guys! You never know what you'll end up loving!
We had met by chance at the aquarium. It's silly I am writing this down but they tell me to keep writing, tell me it gives some a sense of closure. With my life nearly over, I might as well tell the whole story. Ary, they called me, short for Ariadne. My mother's family was Greek and thought to remind me of that, with the most terrible name. It is still astonishing that my little sister was jealous of it. At the time she came along, Dad had found his footing against his in-laws, and insisted on naming her Matilda. Tilly and I didn't have a lot in common: I was a cheerleader and arrogant. Tilly was a nerd through and through, loved to hide that mousy face behind her stories and books. "We’re not a fucking commune!” I crashed my door when they told me I had to come along on some beach vacation. Family, I never knew what it meant until it was gone. What little I shared with Tilly was forgotten in school, where I mostly ignored her. There was screaming at home and sometimes tears, but not mine, always hers. Why was I so cruel? Why should I take care of her and bring her along? Why should I be embarrassed by her stories about Minotaurs and Sirens? It was better when we got older. Those last few family vacations at the sea, was where we connected. I loved the sea, the smell of salt and algae. Tilly knew all about the things out there: the cephalopods and the squids and the oysters. Knew them all by name and where they lived. On the other hand, she didn’t know all of it, didn’t know what’s really deep under the water. "When you come visit me, we could go to the aquarium," I said. "Don't tease me," she replied solemnly "I can be happy to see you at Christmas." "No, I mean it. I want you there." And I meant it. Then I forgot, forgot all about her. Those early days at college were exciting like nothing else, and Tilly was soon forgotten, left at home like some old sweater. I went out, partied like nothing else, did some pills – only here and there – and had the time of my life. My friend, Carrie, knew the hotspots. We turned every weekend into the end of the world. I knew I had to make it up to Tilly, but before long it was too late. She was not made for driving. I stayed home for the next semester but as life went on my parents insisted I continue my education. I chose to party it out. I drank a lot and had a lot more sex with strangers, and drank even more. And in some moments, when I couldn't haul myself up with booze and movies, I went to the aquarium. I just sat there. I watched the fish and the squids and the lobsters, then David found me. I was a mess of greasy hair and pimples and baggy clothes when he tapped his finger on my shoulder. "Hey there!" he said, handsome and tall and all in black. I had never seen someone so beautiful in real life. I looked up from the tanned hand to the sculpted face with the short-cropped beard. "Hey," I whispered confused. "You're often here, right?" "I guess so." "Me too. Come here every Sunday. It’s like church to me." "Mhm," I didn't know what to say, overwhelmed by his scent. He smelled so fucking good. Smelled like lavender. He stared at me, examined my face with his chestnut brown eyes. "You're not the talkative type, are you?" "I, I'm sorry. This is j-just a bad time." I slumped back on my place and hid my face in the dancing shades of the fish around us. "Had plenty of those myself, believe me." He sat down next to me and for a time all was still and I felt better, less like shit for having ignored my little sister all of her life. "Want to go, grab a coffee?" he asked friendly. He was kind and listened. Listened through afternoons full of swollen eyelids and wet noses. He just held me at night and never minded that I drowned his shoulder and he smelt so fucking good. He had money and he took me around to galleries and the opera and on a sailing boat, but the most I liked it when we went to the aquarium, when we sat where we had met and he put his big arms around me and told me all the things he loved about me. At first, I was anxious to show up with him, but my Dad liked David well enough, my mother adored him and the weekend when they met was as awkwardless as those things can be. However, this was the time when all took a turn for the worse, only clueless me had no idea about it. "So, what are you doing, David?" asked my Dad, always overprotective of me, his last girl. "David sells yachts," I answered fast. "Yachts?" asked my mother. "My family has shares of a huge fishing company. I was always drawn to the water, but I rather see the fish alive and well." He laughed loud. "And you started that by yourself?" asked my mother. "Must have been easy if you're family already had a business," said my father. "No offense, of course." "None taken," David replied cooly. "Growing up with my family wasn't easy." "It is with none," I muttered under my breath. "So, when are you going to meet David's parents?" asked Mum, a weak attempt to lift the awkward silence. “Soon,” I started hesitant “we thought around Christmas.” I punched into her heart, her only daughter not at home for Christmas Morning. The last Christmas was shitty too, but at least we were still four instead of three, back then when family was a thing. The rest of the weekend was balanced in pleasantness and dread. As we left, I was glad it was done with, glad to be gone from the sad memories. I didn’t know this was the last time I’d see my parents. Finally, home, I fell on my bed and wrote my friend Carrie that I didn’t want to go out tonight. “You’re such a bore since you have that boy,” she replied. “Still love you, slut.” Two hours of CandyCrush later, I fell asleep, ignoring David’s annoying messages about an earlier meet-up with his parents. I let myself sink in the bathtub. Just get over with this. One day, you’ll be happy again. I tried to talk myself up, can’t tear my new boyfriend down like this. Think positive and all that shit. Something was wrong. I heard it, a rubbing noise. Like wet meat on shiny metal, like rubber on rust. I turned my head and looked at the sink. There it was, staring outside the little hole under the pipe. Two big black eyes and a wrinkled brown body. Slowly it pressed its mass through the hole. “The fuck!” I shouted as I got out of the tub. The snail not reprimanded by my cursing, made its way steadily outside. I hit it with a coffee-cup, the mass now yellow and even more slimy. I took some toilet paper and scratched it all up, flushed it down. Gone. I didn’t think much of it at the time, honestly would you? I got dressed, did my makeup, put my high heels on and was out the door. “Next weekend?” I asked him in shock. “They really want to meet you,” David said, his eyes on the menu. “Well, I guess let’s get this over with.” I pulled up a weak smile. He didn’t seem happy though. “You must know, Ary,” he said, “my family is a bit eccentric. Some say odd.” “Oh please, you met mine, right?” “Your family is great. They support what you do. Did your father ever order you around command you like some puppet?” “My dad said plenty of things.” I replied. “I bet not like mine. Look, let’s do this and we’re in the clear for the next year or so okay?” “Okay,” I answered. “So, I pick you up on Thursday? We drive out there and spend the most hellish weekend and then come back, nothing more okay? Just one weekend. Please?” “I already said it’s alright,” I snapped “you have met mine. I meet yours. Great!” Absolutely great. I spent the night at his place. It was one of those fancy lofts you see in the movies, like some new-age artist had played interior designer. I sat on the toilet with my phone. Then I felt the water on my skin. A tickling on my thighs, I looked between them and saw a big ball of twisting brown in the toilet. Big black eyes rolled out of the meaty, near formless heads that stared up at me. They were all over the inside, crawling upwards touching naked flesh. Without pulling up my pants I flew through the door, screaming about. “What’s wrong?” asked David. “The fuck is wrong in this city!” I shouted. He went inside. All calm he stirred back to the kitchen, took a huge package of salt, cut it open with a kitchen knife, and poured it in. I felt silly for being scared, David seemed so calm. Slowly, I crouched beside him, half hidden behind his big shoulders. This mass of snails, staring up at me, touching me. “That should do,” he said with a burst in his voice, before he put the rest of the salt back. His hands were in fists. “You should call the house administration,” I screeched. I didn’t sleep easy that night, and neither did he. Why we didn’t talk, I don’t know. Thinking back, much could have been averted if we had. Maybe it was bad luck, maybe it was fate. “You called the exterminator?” I asked him, as I got into the car. “Hm,” he answered without looking. “Sure, yeah, yeah. Said they’d look into it while we’re away.” “At least some good news. I talked to Dad today. He seemed unhappy with how I handled college and all that shit. Said he would cut my money until I got to my senses, can you believe that?” “No,” he said absent. We rode in silence. To be honest, I had drunk a bit before I left. I was nervous as hell, so don’t judge me. I guess, my senses must have kicked in when we approached when we got closer and I noticed David wore a suit, full tie and all. He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Don’t worry. Everything will work out great. My ah parents, you know, they are not that different from yours.” “So how big is the mortgage?” I spat the sarcasm. We rode on quietly. We had to stop at a gas station, at last drawing out the inevitable moment. It was a filthy place, the cashier looked like your typical hillbilly rapist. “Passing through sweetheart?” he laughed, as I handed him the money. I looked away, trying to ignore him when I saw it. Those fuckers follow me around? There was a pitch-black snail on the counter, eyes turned towards me. It was as thick as my wrist and seemed endlessly long. The cashier followed my eyes and squished it with an empty beer can. “Damn, things are everywhere. City girl like you not used to the wildlife, eh?” he laughed again. “Have enough of those at home.” I turned around to leave. He laughed as I went towards the door. “Want me to show you around?” he asked desperately. “Thanks, my boyfriend’s waiting outside.” “Oh,” he said. “Got a big city-boy to drive you around?” “He’s actually from here.” “Really?” he asked. “What’s his name?” “David Van de Laichen. Know the family?“ „Those shippers?“ he asked. “Everybody around here does. Be careful girl, I shit you not. They are not good people.” He narrowed his eyes. “House is full of idiots. Orphans, inbreds, you name it. They use them as slaves,” he nearly whispered. “Alright,” I scoffed. “Thanks for the warning.” He shrugged, as I got back into the car. “Take care, sweetheart.” “What was that?” asked David. “Cashier was a total creep. Told me some boogy-stories about your family using slaves.” “Oh really?” he giggled. “People say that all the time. Mum and Dad give folks jobs you know, people nobody else would take.” That surprised me. Maybe my might-may-perhaps-future-in-laws weren’t as bad as I was led to believe? I felt like an idiot as we passed through the gate, young gardeners all around scattered on the estate. “David,” I said, “how rich is your family?” We drove up to the house. It seemed like there was ponds all around, from little waterholes to big glittering green and blue pools. The young gardeners looked up as we passed by. Most of them seemed disheveled, many of them bald and in rags. We drove up to the mansion and parked at the front door. The house seemed ancient and in tatters. Green moss covering it like a spiderweb. The air was hot and wet. “Son!” greeted David’s father, joyfully as he walked down the steps. The house was old, Gothic or Colonial or whatever, an old ass house I would say. “Father,” greeted David, his right arm extended, they shook hands, way too formal. “And you’re Ary,” David’s mother, Mrs. Van de Laichen, took her attention to me. She stood next to his father, in a sleeveless silken white gown, big black veins all over her arms and face. None of them tried to shake my hands and I felt awkward in my hoodie and jeans. “Let me take this!” commanded David’s father, an odd expression on his white face as he tore my bag out of my hand. I remember it so clearly, his hair perfectly combed, his weird positioned eyebrows though, like hairy worms plastered on the face. He was Carl Sagan reborn, turtleneck, black suit, fake smile. We all went inside. The entrance hall was high and cold and the small painted tiles littering the floor were broken showing the dirt underneath the empire of rot. I didn’t like the place. I didn’t like the parents, or how little David looked like them or how they looked at me. A servant waddled along, a limp on his right leg and no hair on his head and strange milky eyes. “Drinks?” he asked. I just took the first glass. This day would be unsurvivable without some booze. “Château Pétrus!” proclaimed David’s father, toasting me. The wine was black and tasted like salt. “Its so good to finally meet you, Ary,” said David’s mother. “David never brings girls home.” Both looked at him with stiff smiles, their faces like iron mannequins. “How about you settle in first. The rooms are already prepared,” suggested David’s father. “We can catch up later. Son and daughter.” Gazing upon me, as he said the last words. The house had a big natural pool behind it. A biosphere of dragonflies and frogs and a terrace muddied and dirty, rarely used as David had told me, nearly stretched to the water. Through a dusty corridor we went to our room, which obviously weren’t in regular used. The doors creaked as I opened them. “So,” David started. “How you like it?” “It’s okay.” I lied, creeped out by the thought of his parents. My hands were fists and the muscles at my throat were tense. My exes’ parents had no black veins standing up from the skin, or wigs and fake eyebrows. “Everything alright?” he asked. “Sure.” “You’re upset.” “No, why would I?” “Look. I’m sorry okay. I should have told you before.” It nearly sounded like he tried to suppress some tears and a sob. Suddenly, he looked very small and sad, like a child. “Okay.” I said and stepped up to him, put my arms around his thick neck. I kissed him on the lips. He was warm and good smelled like lavender. The only thing that was good in a long time. “Just take care this doesn’t turn into a comedy.” I said, as I slipped out of my hoodie and went to the bathroom. “Or a horror film!” I casually walked in, when I felt something soft and wet under my feet. “David!” I shouted. The whole state must have been infected by this plague. The room’s floor was moving. Brown and grey waves, and long stalk eyes all on me. There was hundreds of them, how many I don’t know. In the corner near the shower was a small mount of them, all slithering above each other, flooding the floor. “Jesus,” uttered David. “Wait here!” “What? The hell I’ll do,” I said, as I walked after him. “No wait, please.” He looked horrified and was sweating. His hand was cold. “What?” I was in the mood for a fight. “I,” he went on “Just wait here okay? I don’t want my parents to get upset. I love you. Please, just wait.” Upset his parents? What about me?! I waited. I heard the shouting from the other end of the house, his mother coming down, her gaze in anger and upset. She looked at me in the hallway, David walking behind. “Everything alright?” I asked. “Perfectly my dear,” she said. “Everything is perfect.” Then she walked off, down into the heart of the manor. David came towards me, his father after him, patting him on the shoulder like he just shot his new puppy. “Oh, there she is,” said the father. His right eyebrow was down over the globe. “Yes.” I felt my skin in goosebumps. “Why don’t you go enjoy the pool?” he suggested. David looked at me, his expression numb and thoughtless. No support from this one. We were on the terrace that day. “You don’t think the thing with the snails its odd?” I asked him. “Nope.” “Well,” I took it further. “Maybe I won’t come back to your place until its solved.” He was angry. We shouted at each other, I didn’t understand. His face was bleak and empty. If I had grasped it then I wouldn’t be here, if I had taken chance in the long time I had known him. Instead I let him hug me, kiss me and I inhaled him, all of him. His smell, his damn smell, always so fucking great. We went into the pool. It was thick with algae and tinted green. We played around, I tried to lighten the mood. Then, something touched my leg. “There was something!” I insisted. “There might be some fish,” was all he said as he left the pool. What had I gotten myself into? It dawned on me, that David had demons of his own, but man was he a dick about it. I was still at the terrace when the sun went down. All dried up just in a towel, I stomped down the long halls of the manor. It was strange to feel so alone in a house hosting so many people.The hallway was drowned in orange gloom, the tall windows invited the last rays of the sun. She just stood there. She had no eyebrows on her forehead and her cranium was shaped unnaturally long. Poor thing must have had some accident at birth or as a child. She was there, in ragged clothes and a brown skirt. “Yes?” she whispered with a raspy voice, clearly not used to be spoken to often. “Hello and who are you?” I asked, trying to be as friendly as my mood allowed. She didn’t answer just looked at me. “May you show me back to my room?” Just silence. “Yes?” she asked again. The blue within her iris nearly turning to the mossy green of the rotten water outside. She just stood there, her mouth open and wide showing the white tongue. “Yes?” she said. Not knowing what the words meant. “Yes?” insistent. “Yes?” she said again. Now, this was getting odd. Especially, the white thick topping on her tongue that spilled out from her mouth when she opened it. It smelled like cottage cheese left in the summer sun. I turned around, away from this child of god. She followed, I noticed her steps behind me, followed me like a good dog. I tried not to turn around just walking down the corridor hoping it was the direction of my room. Then, her steps increased. I started to walk faster. "Go away!" I pushed her back into the wall. She hissed like a cut kitten. "What's going on?" I heard the voice of David's pestilential mother from down the hall. The light hit her from behind making her seem like a distant ghost. She wore some kind of turban and loose silken bodysuit. The veins stood from her body like black beetles. "She just," I tried to explain, "didn't stop to follow me." "Come here child!" she commanded. The freakish servant girl eyed me closely, a devilish but dumb smile on her face. She wasn't addressed. "Come here!" repeated David's mother. Weary I walked towards her, hot mist flooding the hall. "Let me see you," she ordered, as she sharply reached for my chin. Behind her, the room was in steam. A sauna for a bedroom, I thought as I dodged her hand. She made a slurping sound and let her pink tongue circle the wormy lips. "Mother," said David behind me but her eyes remained fixed on my face. "Mother!" repeated David. "What? My, nothing dear." "Come Ary," said David as he pulled at my hand. "Let’s retire for the night." "What did she say?" asked David. They had locked the bathroom and made a makeshift sink from the oldest wooden table and a tin table. I felt like a character out of a Poe-story. "Nothing, really." "Nothing?" "Nothing." "And the girl?" "Just came at me. She must have been scared, probably not many strangers here." "No," he chuckled, "not really." "Growing up here must have been," I started but didn't end the sentence. Then, I said it, "odd." "It was," David answered, tightly grabbing the sheets. "I wasn't here a lot." Images of boarding schools flashed before my eyes. "I believe that. I can believe that." "Look," he sat up. "I learned to accept them a long time ago. They aren't bad people, they," he paused, "just don't fit anywhere really." Poor rich creeps, of course I didn't say that "Is your mum ill?" I asked. "No, it’s just a condition.” “And your dad?” “Has always had skin problems.” I crawled into bed and snug up behind him, he seemed so vulnerable. The next moment he was fast asleep. I looked at my phone, it was still early. I went outside and the corridor was dark and smelt like timber. All in this place seemed so rotten. I chose to turn left and descended down the stairs, like arcane brickstones and came back to the main hall. As I tried to open the front door, I heard someone behind me cough and shrieked like a child. "David," I heard the voice of his father. "Would be terribly upset if you left." He said calmly coming down the stairs. He hadn't found it necessary to put on his fake eyebrows and wig and stood there in all his hairless glory like a chimera of baby and dolphin. "I just wanted to call a friend," I said, trying not to look or seem scared. He smiled at me, baring his teeth like an angry dog. A hairless puppy fetus. "Of course," he said after a way too long pause. "Please follow me." "Why? The door's just right here." "Yes but," he moved his naked visage close to my face. "Connection isn't too great out there." He winked and trotted on. "Come on young lady!" he motioned with his arm and waddled about up the stairs whistling a foreign tune. He led me back to that dirty terrace, which looked even worse in moonshine. The blue pool was covered thick in algae. "A very rare breed. Gets really aggressive at night. I love it though, its so peaceful out here at night” David's father had said smiling, before he left me to my own devices and waddled down the corridor like a blind penguin. I called Carrie but she didn't pick up. Was probably out partying the hell and heavens. Maybe I should join her more often? I just sat down on one of the rusty old stools. How could people, allegedly so rich, let their place go to shit like this? Then something caught my eyes. It was faint, at first. A light gleam from the center of the pool. I scanned all windows but couldn't find a source, when the light in the pool started to grow stronger, I made my step backwards to the door. Then something moved inside, there was something in there and it was glowing and growing Could algae move? Tilly would have known, for sure. I didn't think so though, the glow was nearly at the edge of the water. I felt hypnotized by its radiance but didn’t want to find out what it was. I made my way back to the room, after a lifetime of searching I was tired and fell on the bed. David was already gone. I tried to scramble myself into a somewhat acceptable appearance, then stepped outside. I heard voices coming from the room down the corridor, David was shouting mad, at first I wasn't really sure it was him. I was about to press my ear on the door when it opened. The plump figure of David's mother stared at me, her face all white without the familiar bulky veins. "Dear, come in!" she commandeered. David looked out from behind her, he had cried. "We were just talking about you," said his father, leaning on a huge office table. The room had washed away green walls and smelled like fish. "Ain't that right, Son?" he asked, staring David down. He just nodded, looked at his shoes as if a solution would be hidden right under them. "We thought we could make a little trip, out to the bog," said David's mother. "David's grandmother lives out there. She would very much like to meet you." "The bog?" I asked dumbfound. Jesus, who in his right mind would like to strut through some stupid moors? Where David's parents Scots? And what old lady lives in a fucking bog? David never mentioned no grandmother. I went over to David and entangled my arm in his. He smiled but didn't lift his head. "I don't know. David didn't you have plans for today already?" I tried to get us out of this mess. "No," he whispered. "We should come along." Great. "After breakfast then," proclaimed his father, spittle flying all around him. They didn't give me a chance to skip breakfast and I found myself in the dining hall. David's mother tried to talk about the weather, but I barely listened, distracted by her appearance. The thick black-blue veins were gone, there was still something odd about her though, the big bulgy eyes she shared with her husband. This wasn't the weirdest though, who eats soup for breakfast? Again, I was tempted to ask which part of Scotland they hailed from, but David's father had fallen into a monologue about the extraction of sepia and its usability in the French kitchen. After I had gotten the bigger part of the dark liquid down my stomach, I excused myself and just took David with me. "Alright, what is going on here?" I asked him, pushing my index finger to his breast. "What, what do you talk? Everything's fine." Tears swelled up in his eyes. "Look," I said. "I know what's going on." "You do?" he seemed terrified. "Yes. I expected your parents wouldn't be happy with a middle-class girl chasing their rich son." I smiled and stroked his cheek. He fell down in my shoulders, the salty wetness of his tears drowned my neck. "I love you. I love you so much," he cried into my chest. I put my hand on his head, we stood there for a while in silence. I buried my face into his hair, he still smelled so damn fine. After he had calmed, we made our way back to our room. Obviously, the toilet problem hadn't sorted itself out over night, in fact it had gotten worse. Some of the snails had mutilated themselves, trying to get through between door and towel, pressed on by the masses of their brethren behind their back cut open by the splintered wood of the door’s underside. The first one was already near the bed. Thick and sloppy like a living turd it made its way across the room. David called for the personnel and showed me another bathroom down the hallway. The windowless room was mostly used for storage, it seemed. The bathtub was full of old furniture and a fridge. I made a quick look inside, it was filled with shit, really testing my gag reflex. "Can’t get any worse," I whispered to myself, when the lights went out. I stepped slowly towards the door, step by step, careful not to hit my toes on anything. Would be a shame to miss the bog because of that right? I made my way, stepped through the door but froze as I turned around. It must have been the fattest disgusting thing I had ever seen. A giant, grey spider, clinging to the ceiling. The whole fucking time. How was it possible I hadn't seen it? I screamed and crashed the door shut, the round big body inside hushing towards the bathtub. The butler from yesterday came up on me and put his hands around my shoulders. I pushed him away. What did he think fucking pervert. "Miss, may I help?" he asked mockingly. "What the hell was that?" I screamed at him, pointing my finger on the door of the chamber of horrors. "Oh," he drew out. "We got. A little vermin. problem." He winked at me and limped away, his bald white head shrinking in the distance. I returned to our room, letting out all of my frustrations. I didn't care if anyone heard me. David seemed a bit better and wasn't surprised. "Wolfspiders," he said. "My dad imported them from Australia. He attempted to breed them but they got free and wander around the house now how they want to. Disgusting things." This family was getting weirder and weirder. I dreaded to meet the grandmother already. Just one more day Ary, one more damn day and you're free again. The horror-parents were already waiting outside, watching their army of gardeners tending to the ponds and the grass and the reed. We didn’t go through the front gate, but back through the garden and beyond the big pool. There was a small river at the end, a natural border separating wilderness from nature. Nobody said a word, David sometimes threw me a quick glance. Finally, after an hour or so, I didn’t stand it anymore. We were surrounded by marshland and dirty water, flies and bugs all around. My sneakers were dripping wet, something small moving inside them. Great, probably some other illegal pet laying eggs into my sore feet, I thought. “So,” I hesitated. “When we’re there?” “Where my dear?” David’s mother asked joyfully. “The grandmother?” “Oh,” she said, and paused and trotted on. I gave David a look. “She already saw you.” David’s father shouted from behind and jumped eagerly into the dirty mud, splashing himself in the brown water. They all casually walked forward. “Is this some kind of joke?” I shouted, louder than I wanted to. “No, no of course not. We take this very seriously.” David’s mother turned around and smiled. “And I wasn’t good enough for her to talk to me?” “Ary, please,” David tried to soothe me down. I definitely had enough of his bullshit. “She will talk to you soon.” David’s father had taken off his shirt, throwing the dirty water over his bloated belly, his fake hair had fallen off and only one eyebrow was left on his face. “That’s enough.” I turned around and made my way back. “Yes,” David’s father agreed. “Time for dinner.” On the way back, David tried to grab my hand but I pulled it away. How could he let his parents treat me like that? Back at the mansion the gardeners were all gone, but the weird girl stood at the entrance and looked smugly at me. I stormed off into our room, set on packing my things. “Ary,” David put a hand on my shoulder. “Please, wait.” “Wait? For what? For another insult or some jungle-beast to jump me or some idiot trying to scare me?” I screamed. “Ary, calm down!” he tried to hug me but I pushed him away. I relaxed, this was my man, his smell, damn he smelled so great. “We leave,” he continued. “I made up my mind. But please, quiet now.” He seemed scared, nervously looking towards the bathroom. The snails that had gotten through were all gone now, I thought that creep of a butler had squished them up to do God knows what with them, soon I should find out. “Quiet now!” David said sternly. The sun had started to set. He started to scare me. I continued to pack up. “No time,” he said matter of fact and pulled my hand. I was tired, dirty and my shoes were drenched in bogwater. He put a finger to his lips as he slowly opened the door. “David, you’re scaring me,” I whispered. Why was he so scared of his parents? Had they threatened to cut him off? “You have to trust me. Please be quiet now.” The halls were all empty. We crouched down the corridor to the next stairs, then outside through the main hall to the door. All silent, all empty. Where the hell is everyone? Still, I felt eyes on me. The gardens were empty, silent. Too silent. “Car’s in the garage.” David motioned me to follow, my elbows now nearly on the floor. Like burglars we crawled forward to the small old building. The door was open, everything alright just a few steps. Just some few, little silent steps. The noise was terrible. A gurgling buzzing noise. I turned around to see the weird girl, mouth wide open, the chin nearly touching her breast. All the little ponds spilled over. Dangling wet the army of gardeners ran forth, directly charging at us. There skin was white and veiny, one of the first few had open sores all over his body. Thick red worms twisting inside there spilling on the green grass. “Run!” David shouted, barely hearable over the hollow screams of the servants. They were all naked, exposing their soaked skin to the last light. Some were covered in silt and moss. One walked on all fours, sideward like a crab. All bald, eyes nearly white. I don’t know how, maybe in such a moment the brain just shuts down, but I was in the car, David frantically fumbling with the keys. They were everywhere running each other over, desperate to get at us. We sped down the road to the gate. “Fuck, fuck!” I screamed. “We can open manually, wait here.” “No, fuck,” I had to make a decision. With David staying on the wheel we could get out faster. I jumped out and tore at the gate, the servants after us, dangerously close. I grab the old metal cutting my fingers, tearing and pulling, it didn’t move. “Faster!” David screams, the white figures now steps from the car. Finally, the gate gave in, David passing me by, nearly hitting me with the still open passenger door. They were now few feet away, the first so close I could smell the salt and foam on him. I jumped in the car. Finally, safe. “Jesus, what the hell is going on?” “Just keep quiet! I need to think.” “Think?”, I asked in disbelief. “What do you want to think about? That cult your parents have build up? You keep something from me. We should go to the police.” “Jesus,” he shouted. “Ary shut the fuck up okay? They got money. Like big ass money. If I call the police, they know where we are.” “What?” “I’ll explain everything to you. Just let me think.” We drove down the highway until we found a motel that seemed far enough away. I called Carrie but David grabbed the phone and stomped on it. “The fuck David!” I screamed. “Ary are you serious? They’ll know where we are!” he shouted. That was ridiculous. Was it? I felt cold sweat in my neck. They might be rich, but they weren’t wizards right? Soon all of this would sort itself out. We were safe. I bought some beers from an automat outside and just emptied them into my throat. David sat on the bed, totally absent. What had I gotten myself into? Finally I sat down next to him, his smell. He still smelled so damn great. We slumped into bed and it all came down. I cried in his arms, and he cried in mine and we fell asleep. Then, they tore down the door, grabbed us, David fighting them, smashing one’s head on the ground. The one that grabbed me cut my arms bloody maws with his dirty fingers and hit me over the head. All went black. I woke up dizzy. It seemed like a hospital, but there was no window and the door had no handle. Two of the imbeciles came in and pulled me out of the bed. I fought, scratched and clawed but it was no use. They brought me to a chamber that was lined by rock on one wall a hole in the middle dark and deep. David, was there and his parents. The servants let me go and he held me. “I’m sorry it didn’t work.” He whispered in my ears. Kissed me softly on the lips. His parents stared at us. Both were hairless, bloated and white. His mother was covered in the black thick veins, holding something in her hands. It was no spider. The thing was the size of a dog covered in a shell. The body was the worst, the Crustacean animal had a human face, blind white eyes stared mindless in the void. “What is going on? What is this” I mumbled, my sweaty palms in fists my head hurting. David held me gentle, but firm. Tears ran down his cheeks. "I am so sorry," he whispered, all water in his eyes. "So, so sorry." "Why?" I asked, loud and shaken. "What do you mean for fuck's sake? What is going on?" "It's my family. They have done this a long time." "What? Abusing people?”, I screamed, my whole body shaking. “What the hell is that thing?” I pointed at the crab, drool running from its toothless mouth. "No," he stuttered. "It's my grandmother. She wants you. I fought them so hard this time but they wouldn’t relent. I will look after you. She won't take you, I was assured this, at least.” “This time?” He didn’t answer, just couldn’t look into my eyes. "David, please. What the hell is this place?" There was growling coming forth from the rocky hole in the wall. They were fast and long like snakes, hundreds of snails spilling out of it. Then came the light, the light that had watched me from the pool. Unnatural and inhuman slurping sounds It was nearly humanoid but so mushy and formless and covered in wet wrinkles and thousands of snails on the back coiling around on it. The skin sagged all over it like a folded cloak. I saw the face, a skull covered in sheets of skin, brown and glittering, dripping slime everywhere. Two big black eyes, high up above the vague head and the toothless mouthhole stared down at me. The maw was a nest of feelers and tendrils. It growled again, hungry and mad. "No, you said you wouldn't do it like this. You promised!" David shouted. "Grandma you promised!" It growled again and spittle flew in waves around us. Then it put forth a limb without fingers. The palm was covered in wet yellow flesh, just webbed tissue. "I'm so sorry." David started to sob. “I’m sorry Ary! I didn’t…I didn’t want this. I love you! I will come back for you, I promise.” He turned away. The servants came and held me tight as I tried to reach out for him. "David?" I cried. "David? David!" I screamed. The thing came closer. Slowly, the abomination made its way toward me. "David!" I screamed and tore at them to let me go. I pleaded, I called for him. He didn’t even look at me. Couldn’t even look me in the eyes. My thoughts went to Tilly, to the horrible creatures of her myths, that just became too real. To Carrie, who I would never party with. To my parents, who would lose their second child. I didn't want to die like this. The tendrils grabbed me as I tried to turn away. They held my face, tender and wet. As I vanished in the gaping hole, the maw of that thing, I still screamed for him, screamed for love and hope as it pulled over my face. I heard my blood in my ears, my heart pumping frantically that I hoped to pass out, get a heart attack and be over with it. It didn’t happen. I felt something forcing itself into my mouth, deep down into my esophagus, my lungs my stomach. I didn’t die like this, as I had wanted. I wish I had. The servants told me I was asleep the last four months. They told me of the things in my body, ever growing. I can't kill myself, the yellow blood in my veins dries up too fast. If I survive, I might turn. I hope I'll die. I'm alone. All alone, except for the billions of little eggs I carry inside me. They might eat me from inside, their mother’s living body as first nourishment. That’s what happened to David’s mother, his real mother. He told me as much the first time he visited me. They dropped me off at home yesterday, said it didn't matter where I was the young would know what to do. I still wait for a second visit from David but I guess he won’t return. He’s probably with the next already, searching for new hosts so grandmother can pump out her eggs into her. Sometimes I dream screams. The other women, far more along on their transformation than I am, I hear their voices whispering to me right now, as I type the words, their meanings barely in my brains. It's getting difficult to order my head, my head, my head, my head. I'm so alone. Hrasha’gigk will come for me. He will deliver me. Soon, Hrasha’gigk.
Clarkson's Columns: Vin Diesel is the Face of Jesus & My Trees are Under Attack from Bambi
With a screech of tyres, Vin Diesel speeds towards the role he was reborn to play: the son of God By Jeremy Clarkson (Sunday Times, July 5) Incredible news from the pulpit. The Most Rev Justin Welby, oil man, Archbishop of Canterbury and leader of the entire Anglican church, has announced — and you may need to sit down for this — that the baby Jesus may not have been white. He says that if you tour the world's churches, you see Jesus depicted in lots of different ways. He's black. He's pink. He's short. He's tall. Apparently, in the South Pacific, he looks like Jonah Lomu. But, says Welby, it's probable that he actually had a Middle Eastern appearance. That will come as a huge shock to people in the southern states of America, where most people believe he has a very long tie, an orange face and some nylon growing out of his head. It came as a fairly big shock to me as well, because I always thought Jesus had blue eyes, long hair, a beard and some kind of kaftan. Basically, he looked like the lead guitarist in every mid-Seventies rock band. This is probably because that's the look Robert Powell chose when he took the lead in Franco Zeffirelli's 1977 smash Jesus of Nazareth. Since 1912, nearly 60 actors have played Jesus in films. And in recent times most of them seem to have channelled their inner Paul Rodgers before pulling on the thorny crown and the sandals. Except for the Swedish actor Max von Sydow, who looked like a Volvo chassis engineer with a towel on his head. Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Brian Deacon and Willem Dafoe all went down the rock-star route. And then came Christian Bale. You'd expect something more from this master of versatility — that he'd burst onto the screen looking and sounding like Larry Grayson, or Jacob Rees-Mogg. But, no, he decided to play the role as John Entwistle of the Who. All of this means that for more than a hundred years it's been drilled into the world that Jesus was definitely white. Which is probably why, when they discovered the Turin shroud, no one thought to say: "Wait a minute. That face. It can't be real, because it looks like it's from a Bad Company album cover." Of course it looked like that. It was Jesus, and that's what Jesus looked like. We were all certain of this. Occasionally a director would decide to cast a non-white person, and once, in a film called Killing Jesus, the lead went to a chap called Haaz Sleiman, who's Lebanese, of all things. And, it later turned out, gay. This, people will say, was madness, giving the part of Jesus — a single man from Nazareth — to a single man from Beirut. Apparently, this weekend, the altarpiece at St Albans Cathedral is being replaced by a high-resolution print of a rainbow-nation Last Supper, in which Jesus has the facial features of a Jamaican model called Tafari Hinds. I don't doubt that this will cause quite a stink among all those Brexitty old ladies in the congregation who've only just got over the gay Lebanese chap, but the fact is this. If you're prepared to believe that the son of your God could walk on water and turn fish into loaves and bring people back from the dead, then it must be possible to believe he had dark skin. Actually, I'll go further. If you believe his mum was a virgin when she became pregnant, then you should be able to believe it if I say he looked like one of those laughing robots from the Smash commercials. Can you imagine the furore if we could go back in time and work out what Jesus really looked like? You'd hope and pray that he had a strong resemblance to Omar Sharif or Cat Stevens. But it's possible he was a dead ringer for Saddam Hussein, and that would be like finding out that Shakespeare had a Birmingham accent or that Stonehenge was an early-days public lavatory or that Florence Nightingale was a screaming racist. Sometimes, history is best left under lock and key. A novelist, for example, suggested in his bestselling Da Vinci book that Jesus had fathered a child, and as a direct result of that it's now emerged that the author ended up with four lovers and bought one a horse with money that should have gone to his ex-wife. I bet he wishes now he'd left the Jesus story well alone. The church, however, cannot leave the Jesus story alone. The spotlight of social media is shining in his face, and we're all waiting for guidance on what we are seeing. That's what Welby must now do: come up with a global face for Christianity. A sort of Ronald McDonald for the church. All the successful corporations, such as Coca-Cola and Apple and Rolls-Royce, have an instantly recognisable brand look, and the Anglican church needs one too. It's a man on a cross, for sure, but what does his face look like? That's the million-dollar question. Happily, though, I have an answer. I know exactly who Jesus should look like on every cross and in every stained-glass window and in every painting in every church in every corner of the world. He should look like Vin Diesel. Mr Diesel is perfect because he's racially un-pigeonholeable. He's definitely white but he's also definitely black, definitely Asian and definitely Hispanic. Could he be a Nazarene as well? It's possible, for sure. So he is what you want him to be, which means everyone will be happy. But there's more to it than that. He says his mother was English, German and Scottish, and had a knowledge of the stars. He also says, intriguingly, that he doesn't know who his father was. Joseph? He won't say. He won't say anything about his private life, but then you wouldn't if you'd risen from the dead and then disappeared for 2,000 years. We are told his real name is Mark Sinclair, but that may be a ruse. It could be Jesus. And I think that, from now on, it should be, because imagine how good that would look in the credits of Fast & Furious 10. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My trees are under attack: Huge tractors have just removed 200 tons of timber. But the real threat to my forest is Bambi and his pals Hare and Squirrel By Jeremy Clarkson (Sunday Times, July 5) I'm not quite sure how I've managed this, but somehow I have reached the age of 60 without absorbing a single piece of information about trees. Literally nothing. I know more about Jane Austen, and all I know about her is that her Christian name is Jane, her surname is Austen and she wrote about a liberated young woman called Emmanuelle. I must, occasionally, have been on a walk where someone started to talk about the trees we were seeing, but I guess I must have a filter in my head that turns tree talk into an eerie silence. I therefore cannot tell an oak from an ash or a spruce from a larch. They're all just green and brown and covered in bark. I only know what a Christmas tree is when it's covered in tinsel. However, there are a hundred acres of woodland on my farm, and in the past nine months, since I decided to do farming for a living, I've had to try to learn something about how they work. This is tricky, because when I go into the gloom with a man who has no fingers — everyone in forestry has no fingers — he only ever gets to "You see the thing about an oak is…" and the filter kicks in so after that I hear nothing at all. I had the same problem at school in chemistry lessons."Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying." Despite all this, I have learnt some things. First, it is impossible for a tree to survive without man's help. If you plant one and then leave it alone, it will be eaten by a deer or a hare within a week. To get round this, you must surround its spindly little trunk with a piece of plastic tubing that's designed to split when, after about ten hundred years, the trunk is wide enough to withstand attacks from Bambi and his overgrown rabbity mates. At this point the grey squirrel will arrive and remove all of the bark to a height of about 2ft. This means the tree will become infected with something and die. Or it will grow more slowly than the other trees around it, which means it will be deprived of sunlight and die. Eventually, and I genuinely don't know how it's possible, a few trees will grow to become big and strong, but this takes such a long time, you and your children will not live long enough to reap the rewards. To get round this, I recently planted 20 trees — I don't know what they are; they're all brown and green — that were already 25ft high. Each one cost more than most hatchbacks. They arrived on a fleet of articulated lorries, with their roots encased in sacks, and were lowered into holes that had been made by a 21-ton digger. This was wilding, with extra diesel. And now it is my job to look after them. It is a big responsibility. Twice a week I must pour exactly 25 litres of water into the roots of each tree via a tube that sticks out of the ground like an exhaust pipe. And another 25 litres around the trunk. As there is no liquid refreshment in the field, it means I must first fill a tanker with a thousand litres of water and then spend two hours measuring it out and delivering it to precisely the right places. If I do not do this properly, the trees will die. So I am doing it properly. And, from what I can tell, the trees are dying. This may or may not have something to do with a vast range of diseases that a tree can and will get.And the problem is going to get worse, because in the run-up to the last election, each of the main parties, and the Lib Dems, was promising vast tree-planting programmes in an effort to shut up Greta Thunberg. We ended up with the Tories, who had said they would plant 30 million trees a year by 2025. That's 82,000 a day. Leaving aside the issue of who exactly would do all the planting, now we have left the EU, there's the bigger question of where they are going to find 30 million trees a year. Abroad, is the obvious answer. But when you import a tree, it will arrive with bugs and fungi against which the native trees have no immunity. Dutch elm disease came from Canada. Ash dieback came from mainland Europe. So, to fulfil a political promise, we import one diseased tree from Finland and end up killing, according to recent estimates, 72 million trees that are already here. There's another problem too. We will not be creating these 30 million trees. We will simply be moving them from their place of birth to Britain, where almost all of them will be killed by rabbits, deer, squirrels, disease, the growth ambitions of other trees… or me. One of the things you learn when you become a countryman is that all real countrymen say the same thing when they walk into a wood. "Hmm," they chunter. "This needs thinning."That's what my keeper said to me. It's what my tractor driver and land agent said too. So, in a single week I took 200 tons of timber from a 10-acre slab of woodland, and when I posted a picture on Instagram of the gigantic John Deere machine that I'd used, every single teenage girl who follows me — all four of them — came back with a stream of venom and anguish. I was worse than McDonald's. I was ruining their future and choking their grandparents. I was doing deforestation, and that's worse than racism. Incredibly, however, it's almost impossible to tell that any trees have been felled at all. The only difference is that now the forest floor is aglow with puddles of sunlight, which will stimulate all sorts of new growth. In the past I've walked through that wood and it was ever such a dark and gloomy place. They could have filmed The Blair Witch Project in there. They probably did. But now there's new growth of nettles here and there, and for the first time in probably 20 years you occasionally trip over a hoop of bramble. By killing a bunch of trees, then, I've brought the wood back to life. That's good for Bambi and the hares. It's good for the squirrels. It's good for the 250,000 bees I've just put in there, and it's good for all sorts of small flowers about which I know even less than I do about trees. It's also, according to my keeper, good for my shoot. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And here's the Sun column: "I’m 60 and falling apart…but at least my mind is still racing"
I'm fairly new to indie perfumes and perfume reviews, but someone said there aren't many Skin Like Butter reviews here, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I ordered from Skin Like Butter on etsy. Skin Like Butter is a California-based company which specializes in single-note scents. My order was ten samples for $8 with free shipping, which is a steal. She also has sets of five samples for $5 or 25 for $12.50. There were over 140 scents to choose from, most of them single-note, and all of them are available as lotion, body butter, soap, etc. as well as roll-on perfume. (She also has skinlikebutter.com, but I noticed the scent list wasn't as extensive, so maybe it's not updated as frequently.) TAT was eight business days (I received the "shipping label created" message after three days, but it took another week to actually ship) and she did make one mistake in my order, which she promptly rectified once I notified her. TAT was three business days on that package. (If anyone is reading this in the future, it's May 2020 and COVID-19 has everything shut down, so it's not surprising she would be a little off her game.) Samples rested a minimum of four days. I tried two each day, one on each wrist. I don't really have longevities, but they all seemed to be in the four-hour range. If we were not quarantining, I would get feedback from my sisters. As it is, you're stuck with my husband and my kids. (I have four daughters. T is 10, K is 7, Z and S are 4. Their opinions are likely to be more funny than useful.) I should probably also mention that there's a few scents here that I bought because I don't know what they smell like, so I won't be able to compare them to their originals.
TLDR: Skin Like Butter clearly loves floral scents and does a great job with them. Her woody/atmospheric scents are more hit or miss. While I didn't order any of them, she also clearly loves fruit and vegetable scents and I bet those are great too.
Gardenia This was the mistake in the order - she gave it to me instead of Jasmine. I don't like heavy florals and would not ordinarily have ordered it, but it's here so I might as well try it. In the vial: yep, that's gardenia. Floral, heavy, a little powdery. On my skin it's a little muskier, and the heavy floral initially fades into the background. As it dries down the floral notes come back, and it's a heavy musky floral. Very perfume-y Husband: yeah, that smells like all the worst parts of a Macy's department store. T: smells like basil. K: I think it's a bit like onions I think? Z&S: yeah! Onions! (It does not smell like onions. Munchkins.) Honeysuckle In the vial: rather a faint smell, sort of green and softly floral. On my skin it's initially very green, but becomes more balanced as it dries down, and the florals develop some earthy notes. It's actually a pretty good honeysuckle - it smells like walking by a hill covered with it. Green, floral, maybe a little powdery. I enjoyed wearing it on my wrist, because the occasional whiffs of honeysuckle were like what you get when you're walking in the woods and there's a mound of honeysuckle somewhere. It was nice. Edit, some time later: I think the Honeysuckle suffered from being compared to Gardenia. Since writing this I've been wearing it alone and liking it even more. Husband: very woodsy, like being in the woods. I don't mind it. T: some sort of flower. And basil. K: it smells like parsley and salt water. S: oh, it smells bad! Z: it smells like nothing. Violet Violet scents always puzzled me, because the violets I'm familiar with don't have a scent. But I looked it up recently and it turns out the violets in my neck of the woods are wood violets (also called dog violets), but in some places they have sweet violets, which are scented. Live and learn. In the vial: floral and soapy? Yeah, this smells like fancy soap. On my skin: a little greener and earthier and spicier initially, then it settles back to fancy soap, which may just mean that my mom used violet-scented soap at some point, so I'm sorry if that's not very helpful. Husband: it's an interesting note, but on its own it sort of has a candle store vibe. T: eww? It makes your nose tickle but not quite sneeze. K: smelled, flinched away, curled up into a ball making grunting noises S: squealing, followed by the announcement that it smells like potatoes Z: mmmm, onions Orange Blossom I've never smelled orange blossoms, either, as far as I can remember. And they don't look familiar. In the vial: sort of dusty and musky with floral undertones On my skin: actually, a lot like gardenia, with a bit of a spicy edge. As it dries down it's more of an orange citrus edge, but it's still mostly musky floral. Husband: that's not the candle store. That's the Bath and Body Works store. T: eh. It has the same kind of spicy thing (as violet) just not as strong K: that one doesn't smell good either S: mm-hmm! (she likes this one) Z: mmm, blueberries Sandalwood This is actually the real reason I placed this order - I recently tried a tiny decant of Arcana's Her Tribe and totally loved it. I'm keeping my eye out for a full-size or a similar dreamy sandalwood-spice-floral scent, but in the meantime it occurred to me that I could probably get into the same genre with a little layering. In the vial: smooth and clean, maybe a little medicinal? Like vanilla ice cream and clean linens. On my skin: initially a little medicinal, but still creamy. As it dried the medicinal note mellowed to become woody, with creamy undertones. Husband: mmm, that's really nice (wasn't able to come up with adjectives) After drydown, he said it was more mellow and subtle, definitely a my-skin-but-sexier T: some sort of candy, like a mix of a lollipop and a fireball. K: smells a little like mown grass S: mmm! (she likes this one) Z: ugh! Tastes like mushrooms White Sandalwood Yup, Skin Like Butter has two sandalwood scents. I tried them on the same day so I'd know the difference In the vial: creamy and nutty, with some undertones of yellow cake On my skin: very vanilla and nutty. Once my husband pointed it out, it was definitely buttered popcorn jelly belly while still wet. After drydown it was much more complex - there was still that nutty butter note, but also a soft floral and cream. Husband: that's straight-up buttered popcorn. After dry-down, he commented that it had developed a floral note. T: reminds me of cream K: smells like chicken S & Z: it still smells like mushrooms Suede I've never tried leather perfumes, which was my main motivation for trying this one. But I'm guessing most leather scents are better than this one, so I'll have to try something else. In the vial: kind of smells like a cardboard air freshener version of "new car smell" On my skin: initially very resinous, like camphor. A bit piney, except that pine actually turns super harsh on me and this doesn't. Once dried down, smells like used car smell. Husband: No. Smells like the perfume equivalent of cheap vodka. T: the giant Amazon flower that attracts flies. I don't know what it smells like, but I think this smells like that. K: kind of like a fireplace. I like it. S&Z: potatoes! Ember I assumed this was meant to smell like a wood fire, but it doesn't, so I'm wondering if there's another meaning for "Ember." Anyway... In the vial: smells sharp and sweet, like Southern iced tea On my skin: still sweet, but getting some smoke coming through. On drydown....I kind of like it, but it doesn't smell like embers. Sort of fruity with smoky hints. Husband: too much strawberry T: I'd say mint. K: Strawberry. S: it smells like blueberries! Z: people! Teak This was described as a darker and more mysterious wood, which seemed right up my alley. Guess we'll see. In the vial: Honestly, it smells like wood polish. Sharp and earthy. On my skin: smells like a spicy red wood initially. Unfortunately, once it was fully dried it just smelled like soap to me. Teak was annoyingly strong even after I tried to scrub it off, which probably means it has good longevity? Husband: pleasant, generally floral. I would not have described it as woody. T: it smells weird and I can't pinpoint what it smells like. K: that one tastes like a fireplace. Z: nothing! S: potatoes. Orange Patchouli In the vial: lots of bright orange, with a hint of spray cleaner. On my skin: Lots of orange, lots of spices from the patchouli, it kind of smells like Christmas. As it dries down the orange mellows out into more of a dried orange peel scent. It still smells like Christmas. Husband: a little bit of honey, a little bit of spice, a little bit of soap T: I sort of like it. It smells vaguely like apple pie. K: I don't know it's so weird Z: Ugh! S: that one smells like potatoes too! Jasmine In the vial: definitely jasmine, with that exotic floral thing, with maybe a little soapiness. On my skin: initially a little harsh, actually, like floral soap that got up your nose. Once it dried down, it really smells like jasmine. It's very strong - it's lovely a few inches away, but if I actually sniff my wrist it's overwhelming. It's floral and airy and exotic and elegant. Husband: pleasant but also boring. T: I don't know what it smells like. It's okay. K: mmmm! And started clapping her hands. She likes this one, which is interesting given that she disliked all the other florals. S: potatoes Z: it smells like leaves. Some Mixy Things I had to wait an extra day or two to let the Jasmine rest, so I figured I might as well try some of the mixes I was considering. I did not record my kids' comments on these. 2 drops Honeysuckle + 1 drop Orange Blossom - I was hoping to get a bit more of the floral punch of Honeysuckle, and it worked perfectly. Once it dried down this smelled like fresh honeysuckle, and the greenness was present but not as overwhelming. Love. (Husband said it was very strong, and "partly woodsy and partly vanilla") Both sandalwoods - I figured I'd apply a drop of each and see what happened. The result is kind of weird, actually. The White Sandalwood kept the buttered popcorn instead of shifting floral, and the two scents are fighting each other and turning muddy. 1 drop Orange Blossom + 1 drop SS Loggia - Loggia is red woods and amber and spices, and the orange blossom gave it a soft floral balance that I really like. I really can't pick out the different notes once it's on, but it's warm and floral and I like it. (Husband said he couldn't place it but it was sort of the archetypal floral perfume.) This didn't last very long, but that's as much Loggia's fault (the red wood lasts, but the spices don't) as Orange Blossom's SS Monastic and Sandalwood/White Sandalwood - Monastic is incense and roses and dust, and I like it a lot. Monastic + Sandalwood sort of canceled out, becoming a reasonably pleasant musk with nothing much happening. Monastic + White Sandalwood, on the other hand, became creamier and richer than plain Monastic, for a rich, smooth vanilla-wood-floral. Where will I go from here? Well, there's other mixes I want to try, but that has less usefulness in reviews and will take longer. I expect I'll buy a shea body oil in sandalwood, and maybe a full size perfume of whichever floral sample gets used up first. Samples last me a while, so we'll see. Violet, Gardenia, Suede, and Teak will all be passed to friends. The first two are too heavy for me, and the latter two may behave better on someone else's skin. I wouldn't mind trying some of her other scents: olive blossom, pikake (Hawaiian jasmine), vanilla, peppercorn & port, coriander, maybe some of the fruits. She has a lot of fruits, so I bet she's good at them. Possibly I should also make my four-year-olds potatoes, since they clearly have no idea what potatoes smell like.
The history of the Neptunia Reddit community, it's moderators, it's drama, how it got where it is, and how the divide is worsening in the shadows, and why the oldest burned bridges have had enough!
Not many of you recognize my username and honestly even if you knew my old accounts name it hasn’t had much meaning in the Neptunia fanbase for years ever since tiger_wsquared turned the subreddit over to Soah1086 , an action many of us who were around the subreddit during its inception and had been active among anime and gaming subreddits in general refer to to this day as “Gamindusti’s Original Sin”. Since that time me and a few others found our new place in the Neptunia Reddit community. We looked, we analyzed, we profiled, we investigated as much as we could from the shadows recording the history of the subreddit and it’s ever increasing decline and how it correlated to the ever growing toxicity of the Neptunia fanbase at large. We knew a day may come where this history would need to be made public, when actions worse than what Soah1086 did to Rajaxx came from his moderation team and people needed the truth. Unfiltered from personal relations with any current users or moderators and gathered from a truly unbiased aspect. That day appears to have finally come. Like most niche subreddits the beginnings of Gamindustri were rather humble. tiger_wsquared simply wanted a place for Neptunia fans to go on Reddit and looked to provide one. tiger_wsquared started by posting links to articles and news about the series but he also went out of his way to announce the creation of this subreddit. He posted it on gaming , JRPG, I personally found the subreddit the day he posted a very chill friendly post about it on nipponichi. Despite being the creator and sole moderator of the subreddit Tiger still spoke to people like equals. Casual, Friendly, but still fulfilling his role as a moderator when needed. To Tiger he was a fan and member of the community first, moderator second. tiger_wsquared was then contacted by soah1086 offering to help him out and redo the CSS for the subreddit. While since his departure from active Reddit user newer users of the platform aren’t aware soah1086 was always a heavily controversial person among anime Reddit communities. Soah1086 was one of two Reddit users among anime communities known to be a serious subreddit hoarder, offering to moderate subreddits he didn’t care about and do their CSS in hopes of patting his own ego. Throughout his time on Reddit Soah1086 always showed a series of anger management issues, aggressive impulses, and the shady practice of allowing drama in his favor while censoring any drama that painted him ill. He would also go to other anime subreddits he didn’t moderate and purposely try and stir their drama further. Soah1086 was referred to by many as “The Drama Boner”. Not long after another Moderator was added to the mix Rajaxx, A moderator that took up the persona of Purple Heart. I know to this day a lot of rumors circulate about Purple Heart and no two are the same, they all contradict each other and not even Soah1086 keeps his story straight. Allow me to go over what happened with Rajaxx in detail from someone who went through and witnessed all that first hand. The time of Rajaxx’s mod term was the golden age of the subreddit. Believe it or not Fanart wasn’t super common then. We had people posting Discussions, what if scenarios, game mods, fanfictions, trying to organize gaming events with each other, reviews, analysis, theories, roleplay threads. The community was unusually active, more so than it is now despite a smaller size, involved, a true sense of comradery. By this time tiger_wsquared had begun distancing himself from the subreddit due to his real life struggles leaving soah1086 the defacto head moderator. Rajaxx had a large number of ideas that the community at large not only supported but would have created a more active, involved, positive, friendly, and united community but soah1086 constantly refused because it wasn’t what he would do, it was too much work for volunteers, none of his other subreddits do that, etc. soah1086 wasn’t even willing to give rajaxx’s ideas the benefit of the doubt. A moderators role is to unite, try and promote content variation, and to do whats best for people other than themselves but this never aligned with soah1086’s style of moderation. Round table, a system that prioritized the moderator teams happiness above all else. See outside of just Gamindustri any community Soah1086 has had any decision making power outside the CSS has become toxic, divided, and drama ridden. Even the two subreddits he devoted the most time to because he actually cared about that series for once, fatestaynight and grandorder have grown into the most painfully ironic anime communities in Reddit history. With fatestaynight having a community that hates their moderators for being toxic pricks, and grandorder having such strict posting guidelines people often choose to post n fatestaynight instead. Someone who moderated under soah1086 on fatestaynight once described soah1086’s management style as “doing as little as possible, finding a good eroge that all the moderators like, using it to cum on a biscuit and having the community be glad you gave them a snack that month”. He is also the kind of person who publicly stated the reason he never did a second season of PeanutButterGamers hardcore is because he didn’t want people laughing at him, above all else he cared about being on a higher caste than anyone else. Around this time the Gamindustri steam group was a thing. Rajaxx wanted to partner with it and make it official, a sentiment that was shared by most of the active community. Soah1086’s stance was “If we aren’t at the helm, it can’t be official”. Rajaxx made a post about it hoping the words and wishes of the community would be enough to move soah1086’s heart. Soah1086 was livid, Rajaxx showed his loyalty lied more with the community than it did the moderator team and to soah1086 that was a big no no. To every community Soah1086 had helmed the modus operandi was “your loyalty should be your fellow moderators first, close friends second, with whatever is left over being thrown to the community I guess”. soah1086 took down Rajaxx’s post, said he was going to have a “long talk” with tiger_wsquared about Rajaxxs “position” and it seemed like less than the time it took us all to blink Rajaxx was demodded with soah1086 trying to spread a bunch of lies about him. The entire subreddit was in a state of utter shock. The large majority of the community loved Rajaxx, he was more than just a moderator, he was one of them. People were either silent, confused and asking questions (while Soah1086 promised full transparency he didn’t provide it), and a very small group of rather toxic childish users who were scared of rajaxx because his ideas for a more united community would put them at risk of getting banned or seeing him as a threat to their own manipulative shady ambitions. soah1086 gave the toxic element a rule exempt card allowing them to break subreddit rules and sitewide policy when bashing Rajaxx while removing and censoring everything in his favor or that brought question to the actions taken by soah1086 and their nature or disapproving of them. Rajaxx collected all the evidence he could of soah1086’s shady asshole and manipulative behavior, much of which was publicly facing, but soah1086 removed it and allowed more bashing. More and more of us gathering to Rajaxx’s defense did the same but soah1086 would censor anything that wasn’t 100% in the moderators favor, something his mod teams had a long history of doing when they saw their actions were unjust. The demodding of rajaxx was like a light switch. So many of us left because of it with no intent on returning until someone came into control of the community that’s loyalty was more to the community than the happiness circle jerk of their fellow moderators. Fanart quickly came on the rise because without a moderator that acted as an equal promoting content diversity people just wanted the quick karma grabs. NSFW was on the rise which created heated arguments about kinks. Users divided into sub groups that were always in a constant power struggle against one another, toxicity battling it out while unable to see the wrong in their own actions and trying to solely put the blame on others. Manipulative power games over status and resentment became the norm. If you can find posts from when Rajaxx was still around and compare it to the community after you will see what I mean. This drama inspired me to enter a career in law enforcement. This at least did make me decide to follow a career in law enforcement so I could fight corruption and protect the innocent. The subreddit was mostly left in the hands Histoire (aka kitsunedon ) and White Heart (aka luminous083) who were not bad moderators in their own right but they were honest, fair, and unbiased even though a bit too passive to break down the walls soah1086 had built they would at least prevent things from getting terribly worse. Anytime something happened on the subreddit soah1086’s stance was “It’s just old Purple Heart trying to cause shit again” despite the fact Rajaxx had resigned the fandom entirely by that point, overtime the rumors that spread turned even people Rajaxx had worked with and spoke to daily who knew he only ever had good intentions against him. This was something we had seen on other subreddits happen to people who opposed Soahs way of doing things but I digress. As the sub numbers grew mod applications went up again and the moderators that were chosen were great picks. Neptune (Aka SuspicousScout) and Uzume (aka Willtheyordle ) while they both had their issues with proper mentoring they could have reached the uniting style rajaxx had but when you look to Soah1086 like he knows how to manage a paper bag you are not going to realize potential. As kistunedon disappeared one day without any word or explanation willtheyordle picked up the random discussion posts kitsunedon had begun, SuspicousScout showed a level of personality, flair, and style almost reaching the level of rajaxx with willtheyordle just a few steps behind. willtheyordle wasn’t very active at first I would like to note. SuspicousScout hoping to help bring the community together again around the series created the Gamindustri Discord server. Now it is important to note, for profiling actions taken by the mod team both before and after this that SuspicousScout did not fully consult their mod team about doing so, but it wasn’t an issue because it fit Soah1086’s mantra of to be recognized we must be in control. Overtime SuspicousScout became frustrated with the lack of content diversity feeling users didn’t care about the series and just saw the series as a billboard for sex dolls. After making a poll about what people felt and being dissatisfied with the results SuspicousScout did the respectful thing and stepped down. With Luminous083 having finished his schooling and no longer able to commit the large amount of commitment needed to moderate a subreddit such as gamindustri he distanced himself from the community leaving just WillTheYordle as the sole moderator to keep the rapid toxic selfish fanbase the actions of Soah1086 had created in check. It was around this time the gamindustri moderator team began getting complaints about the Discord server. Now let me preface with this, the people who came to run the Gamindustri Discord weren’t innocent but nor were they guilty, they did some things that were very out of line but those things were not as bad as what the current moderator team did both before and after becoming moderators and nowhere near the extent to what Soah1086 had done during his entire Reddit history. However with SuspicousScout no longer being the one in charge it no longer falls under the mantra of we need to be in charge to be recognized. Soah1086 smeared them the same way he had Rajaxx and if you loo at his behavior all throughout you have to half wonder if he was getting off to the drama. In the aftermath of this new moderator applications were brought up and the new moderators were picked by Soah1086 personally. The picks were nonsensical and makes you wonder if Soah1086 is properly medicated. Atanigan (Million Arthur)’s application was written like a champ, amon the top three moderator applications in the subreddits history. However he didn’t seem to have much care for the subreddit, after being moderated it seemed he’d go months without really doing anything while pooring his heart into his Discord server, Gamindustri Standard. Randoomguy666 (Nepgear) was a controversial pick due to his history involving him denouncing the community’s toxicity and porn obsession prior, people demanded he be removed but he was not and willtheyordle and soah1086 pleaded ignorance and having never been aware of his history despite both of them having publicly acknowledged it prior. Ryzer28 (Vert) was a lurker whos application showed no self confidence, drive, or real passion, to this day Ryzer28 is one of only two moderators in the subreddits history not a single accomplishment can be attributed to. Out of these three the one that objectively was the best pick was the most controversial one, randoomguy666 . Despite issues during his term he had done a decent blend of balancing commitment to the mod team and commitment to the fanbase. He was ever present, smiling, trying to help users and encourage activity by seeding content and events. Not to say he didn’t have his issues, as a prominent member of the Nepgear subgroup he was subject to the typical arguments with the Neptune or Plutia fans (Why is it Planeptune has all the infighting?) but yet during his term he has more accomplishments and positive actions attributed to him than most, easily reaching the top 4 most accomplished moderators in the subreddits long history. In the midst of his controversy another new moderator was brought on a few days later, wwlink55 . Wwlink55 seemed more committed to his role as a moderator of the subreddit than Atanigan or Ryzer28, but far less so than Rajaxx, Luminous083 , Kitsunedon , SuspicousScout, WillTheYordle , and now Randoomguy666 and his habit of being very cold, sterile, and business like was and to this day still is a very unpopular approach among users who always responded better to the flair, personality, and having fun with it. When that seemed to have been dying down the account PM_ME_YOUR_DARKSINS was subject to a statement by dracesquire announcing they had taken their own life. To this day there are conflicting reports to if that actually happened or not but I don’t think we will ever know at this point. It was at this point we had the NSFW ban attempt of summer 2018, objectively speaking the subreddit at that time did need NSFW restrictions but not to go so hard and fast. Despite the community's hard objection to it multiple different methods were tried before heavily reduced to just “extreme NSFW”. Some of these included a single thread for all NSFW content, or just cold turkey. This event period was so extreme that it spawned the spin-off subreddit Gamindustrir18island where users were given free reign to anti-circlejerk on the gamindustri mod team, and for a period of a couple of days caused Neptunia to be opened up from its ever closed status. Amidst the variety of various subreddit events being hosted by Randoomguy666 came what all the moderators admitted was his brainchild, The Miss Gamindustri Pageant. The event was quite popular and successful but there was some Drama towards the end. Mostly related to accusations of rigging, the Neptune, Nepgear, and Noire sub groups seemed to be the most vocal members of this little spat and as a member of the Nepgear subgroup Randoomguy666 faced a lot of flack for it. Towards the beginning of 2019 moderator applications went up once more. Overall most of the applications were extremely lackluster, with only a few really being of note. HCLegend, Legend1nfamous , and the_seraph1. Among the two new moderators were the_seraph1 (Purple Sister), and sleepyviewing (Gehaburn). These picks did carry a bit of controversy of their own by people accusing of character bias since most moderators seemed either to not care about the subreddit or pooring all their energy into the discord server owned by Atanigan giving the image Randoomguy666 was the end all be all. A prime example of this was for quite awhile nopani made a constant string of memes mocking this fact. Despite it this was promising, sleepyviewings hyperlurker status kept him a bit of an unknown, but the_seraph1 was promising. He had only been around the subreddit a couple of months preventing any sub group from properly taking root, he was capable of memeing and joking, while also serious and professional, seeded any type of content that was on the decline and hosted multiple events regularly, even was the first moderator to get something to make the waters of reddits loli rule less murky something that bigger subreddits failed and and thanked him for. While I can’t say for sure if the most accomplished he was certainly a running candidate for most accomplished Neptunia moderator on Reddits history. Not long after the moderator team started an NSFW ban attempt again this time polling for opinions via mod mail. The ban went through but the community was more upset this time at the lack of an affiliation with Gamindustrir18island and the instead establishment nor NeptuniaNSFW . Now many people asked why are there two Neptunia porn subreddits? Well the official answer is valid, members of gamindustrir18island including its moderators were guilty of a lot of hate spreading and harassment towards the gamindustri moderation team, if we look at its current Discord its early days were a cesspit and before that on the old gamindustrir18island discord the likes of edwin-of-northumbria and darklhel225 would regularly take part and engage in the hate cult based against randoomguy666, while my sources on the following part are second hand I also hear that a private discord spawned off the old gamindustri off topic chat room owned by silenteagle3 that user bashing and hate circling is a common occurance to this day ever since Silenteagle3 kicked randoomguy666 to make his friends happier. Not surprising if the rumors about the infamous Xander being amongthat discords most active and respected users are actually true. The new Subreddit elected two new moderators to cover it, dracesquire and legend1nfamous, who seem to be the definition of “doing nothing but appreciate the sidebar” If we look at the history of NeptuniaNSFW and their accomplishments on it, being mentioned in the post about the gamindustri pixel art contest. Outside that their accomplishments or things they have done have been non-existent, half the time they seemed to forget their own subreddit existed. Not long after we had randoomguy666 resign. For a lot of members it was a bittersweet moment, because despite the initial objections to him a lot of people warmed up to randoomguy666 over time with all the contributions he had brought to the community. Randoomguy666 did imply he planned to return someday. While there were some toxic hate filled comments people made they were quickly taken down leaving only the most respectful. THIS IS IMPORTANT. As time went on the_seraph1 had shown a remarkable job juggling bringing the community back together with his full time job in a tech career, capable of full access and response time almost any time of day. There was a minor scuffle however when nopani lashed out at the_seraph1 for trying to cheer up and provide emotional support to a sad comment in a random Discussion post left by Nopani. nopani admitted that what he posted addressed emotional insecurities the_seraph1 had that had been explained to him by sleepyviewing. nopani’s behavior seemed out of nowhere, have nothing to do with what the_seraph1 said, and being hypocritical since nopani has made those same comments. If we look at the behavior of nopani there as a standalone isolated case no logical sense or reasoning can be applied to it. Having briefly discussed this with the other long term observers of Gamindustri the only way Nopani’s actions can make sense there is field testing, it was after this harassment from alt accounts that had almost no rhy7me or reason began on the rise, and since I’m just talking about publicly facing stuff I can’t begin to imagine what the_seraph1 had endured behind closed doors. The thing is if we look at every public facing harassment or hostile action taken against the_seraph1 afterwards they all seemed to address those same insecurities, if we take it as field testing how out of nowhere the behavior of nopani was can make half a lick of sense. The summer approached and a new moderator was added, Archadianite or as he used to be known Glarcidium, taking up the olds mantle of Neptune that SuspicousScout had left behind. Big shoes to fill to say the least. Around this same time randoomguy666 returned just in time for the AMA thread with Artisan Studios and announced he was helping a relatively unknown name, chaotic-throwaway help revive the subreddit nepgear. He was joined by two others, nopani and edwin-of-northumbria. To any uninvolved observer this behavior was once again a bit nonsensical. These were two people who expressed great relief when randoomguy666 left so why were they now supporting and modding with him? Allegations came forward of Randoomguy666 faking his own death and spreading rumors against the moderator team came forward. willtheyordle made a post and god was it a good post. Yes it was basically denouncing someone but it was respectful, informative, and passive. While you look at any time Soah1086 calls someone out and you wonder if he has taken his ritalin that morning there was no doubt willtheordle’s post was made in good faith and to inform, not to direct hate. There was one common thing among all comments though. Everyone agreed without question that out of all of randoomguy666’s “victims” the_seraph1 had suffered the most. THIS IS ONCE AGAIN IMPORTANT. Things were relatively calm for a while. Eventually nopani did make a post about leaving the subreddit and unfollowing all the Neptunia subreddits, yet still showed up in the pinned threads of every one saying he “stumbled upon it”. How did he stumble upon them if he unfollowed the subreddit? His motives clearly were not what he said they were because ifn he had truly unfollowed them it would have been impossible to stumble upon them scrolling through your feed. Glarcidium was demodded in a very respectful post showing no hard feelings. I can’t say I am entirely surprised but I was disappointed for Glarcidium was one of the first who’s loyalty to the community came before his loyalty as a moderator. But I understand why with how quick he can be to jump before trying to take in all information. There was something that was confusing about all this. nopani said he once again “stumbled upon it” and that he never saw Glarcidium as mod material, but before he heralded the modding of Glarcidium as the greatest thing in subreddit history. Why the shift? Looking at the way nopani talked about the moderation team after Randoomguy666’s departure and comparing it to the way he did before the departure sucking up to be in good favor isn’t an impossibility. In this brief time much was done to help mend the torn ligaments of the community. There was a community introduction thread that was incredibly popular, the_seraph1 was making constant posts not even as a moderator but as a user of “would you be interested in seeing something like this?”. The community was slowly mind you, but turning towards the path back to the state soah1086 had robbed it of smearing someone's name because he wanted to feel superior and incapable of wrong. This sadly came to Seraph making a thread about what the community wanted, “State of the Subreddit”. Anyone who actively followed the subreddits history would know his words are sincere because the mindset of doing as little as possible and just trying to copy what others have done had long since been the norm in soah1086 communities. What the_seraph1 described had been a problem with every community he had ever managed and part of why they all grew to be so toxic. The next day we saw the_seraph1 step down citing toxic harassment from the other moderators. While things were going well kind respectable words of goodbye and fond memories from the regulars it fell apart when atanigan jumped in lashing out at the_seraph1 saying he was lying, no one lashed out, etc. the_seraph1 posted a screenshot proving the other moderators were outright toxic and atanigan banned him citing “leaking mod chat”. Ironic part is this wasn’t the first time an gamindustri moderator had shown something from the mod chat, infact atanigan had done it once prior herself in a Random Discussion post in a means to troll willtheyordle. Legend1nfamous , dracesquire both jumped in after the ban bashing the_seraph1. Given how these people had all shown to be on really good terms just a couple weeks prior the_seraph1’s statement of “Lance said I lost the right to play nice because now he had to fear the community hating them” seemed like a very strong correlation to the sudden shift. None of us were surprised because soah1086 management practices, if you are less loyal to the moderator team than you are your own country or religion your a problem that needs to be silenced, and the_seraph1 had shown that day just like rajaxx had so long before his loyalty was first and foremost the community. nopani jumped in claiming wwlink55 and sleepyviewing both said it didn’t happen and “sleepy is his best friend”. There was one saving grace in all this. willtheyordle was still head moderator and the only one that had the backbone to go against the mod team if it meant cleaning up a mess. If you look at willtheyordle’s history of the subreddit he was top 5 moderators the sub has had. He had his issues and short comings but when shit hit the fan he didn’t try and cover it up or lie he’d say “Look we messed up, I’m going to fix it”. In the final conclusion to that while the final post showed signs of heavy editorial review not matching the_seraph1’s behavioral or speech quirks. However at the same time the final story of all that was still more in line with the_seraph1’s story and atanigan and dracesquire issued an apology towards him. So here is the question. Why did Atanigan , wwlink55 , sleepyviewing , legend1nfamous , and dracesquire lie saying nothing like that ever happened? More importantly why did sleepyviewing who according to nopani was his best friend lie? And when there were apparently 4 people who lashed out why was only 2 ever issue an apology? Simple they were the only two still on the moderator team that we knew for a fact were involved. Notice legend1nfamous who had left neptuniansfw by that point didn’t apologize and even tried to defend his toxic behavior? Nor did the currently unnamed 4th. It is very clear that the apologies were an order by willtheyordle and that they were far from sincere and I’ll get back to that in a few minutes. When all those moderators lied about their team being even capable of toxic behavior and only seemed to have to own up due to willtheyordle how do you expect us to believe anything any of them ever say? A month or so later willtheyordle stepped down due to his real life needing priority and ryzer28 along with him. the_seraph1 came back and the community was ecstatic, I know several observers felt it was worth giving the subreddit a chance again and made new accounts in celebration he was spared the fate of Rajaxx. However if we take a step back we can evaluate this unbiasedly, it’s why those of us from rajaxx’s day lurk and address things without really interacting, so we can see the truth and the odd behavior without getting absorbed into the various sub group power games that had grew from the day soah1086 became head mod, we can see there was a game going on far beneath the surface. I would address Atanigan said on his Discord how the subreddit was horrible and he never dealt with so much emotional abuse, showing that his apology was mostly likely insincere but that to him saying you disapprove of his actions makes you a problem. This makes sense when you look at the fact the newest admin on his Discord server, Gamindustri Standard, sigmastudio is described by many behind closed doors as “Weeb Kim Jong Un”. Acting smug, elitest, morally superioholier than thou, and someone who doesn’t see himself being capable of anything wrong. On his Reddit history we can also see a long history of him trying to bait randoomguy666 and the_seraph1 into arguments, often digging up month old posts to do it. But he’s an admin because he contributes to Atanigans friendly ego stroking. ryzer28 began spreading rumors about the_seraph1 that from what has been gathered so far weren’t entirely accurate, especially since later the_seraph1 showed screenshots of ryzer28 admitting they were inaccurate and he was doing it out of spite. So why wasn’t ryzer28 denounced when he had just become guilty of the same behavior randoomguy666 ultimately faced it for? Simple answer would be ryzer28’s actions fit perfectly with what soah1086 and any mod team that ever thought he was capable of managing a sock drawer did to people who suggested the way they do things wasn’t the best, smearing. We know he told these to nopani who then forwarded these over to the new moderators when they applied which were all very close friends of his. This here is the proof that something shady and underhanded was going on. It wasn’t hard to see these new moderators hanging around or chilling with the_seraph1 in Gamindustri Standard in the days leading up to the mod applications and explanation. While things were rough for a bit we slowly started to see the_seraph1 was regaining his vigor and recovering for the emotional and mental gaslighting the mod team had engaged in. On Christmas we saw that the_seraph1 was late to the celebratory post because he had stayed up late readying the community's secret santa event. I ask you have any of the other moderators ever sacrificed an entire Christmas Eve to prepare something fun for an internet board? This isn’t rhetorical by the way this is a question I actually don’t have an answer to. After a bit an apology post by randoomguy666 went up and it was great closure for a lot of users, but then the unexpected happen. Soah1086 used the_seraph1 to reenact Gamindustri’s original sin. The post and the days that follow were surreal. If we look at the comments what do we see? The people we know for certain lashed out at the_seraph1 before lashing out again, the suspected 4th ryzer28 doing it all the same, all close friends of legend1nfamous the only 100% confirmed moderator to have lashed out at the_seraph1 during the state of the subreddit incident joining in on the kicking someone while they were down. The only close friend of legend1nfamous that didn’t as far as we can tell was ChronicIdiocy This thread was very reminiscent to everyone who had ever seen soah1086’s behavior running a subreddit knew this wasn’t in good nature, it wasn’t meant to be honest, it wasn’t meant to inform or be transparent. It was meant to direct hate. Like normal in Soah1086’s smear campaigns comments against Soah1086’s “Mark” were given free reign but anything questioning the mod team was silenced in seconds. This post did however show us the biggest proof in the coming days that things weren’t what they seemed. This is where nopani told us he forwarded the rumors spread in spite by ryzer28 to the new moderators who “knew all along”. Why is this important? We know in the coming days the_seraph1 tried to do what rajaxx did and peace out of the fanbase but wwlink55 didn’t let him. We also know from screenshots the_seraph1 posted that this pushed him into a quest to seek answers so he could make sense of the nonsensical. Through this time wwlink55 kept changing his story to cover the other moderators' backs. Look I’m a patrol officer and on my way to being made a case investigator, when someone has basically been attacked mentally like what soah1086 did the way wwlink55’s primary goal was covering the other moderators backs is among the most damaging thing you can do to someones state of mind and self image/worth. But we know from screenshot’s the_seraph1 tried posting that wwlink55 wasn’t taking anything suggesting the mod team would be semi capable of wrong or fault. There is one question though the_seraph1 never asked in those screenshots, why didn’t these junior moderators he seemed on really good terms with come to hear his side of these rumors? See that’s the thing that shows the moderators were up to something, when someone spreads rumors against your friend is it not the norm to come and hear their side? Once these screenshots were posted publicly on the subreddit thus started “Avenger” the long term harasser that had been driving the_seraph1 out of the community entirely wanting no one to ever hear from him again. Interesting part is just after that happened Soah1086 changed his Reddit banner image to Gorgon from Fate Stay/Night something that from what I can see not the_seraph1 nor anyone else ever commented on or made a connection to. Outright hate and toxicity towards the_seraph1 was allowed free reign, things were allowed to stay up when far more mellow things had been taken down in regards to randoomguy666 both before and after his denouncement. Meanwhile posts supporting the_seraph1 were often locked or removed entirely. The funny part is this, if we look at the removals of toxicity against randoomguy666 the responding moderator was quite often wwlink55, so why now that he was supposed to be head moderator was he not showing the same courtesy? Simple for the mod teams happiness they had to smear him, its the soah1086 way. As time went on the mod team tried to silence the topic entirely, likely realizing the case against them had reached a point it painted them more at fault than anyone else, something once again common among soah1086 communities of silencing things and letting the toxicity boil fracturing the community rather than trying to mend the fence. Now I don’t know much about this supposed Val person but my sources tell me that they were in the gamindustrir18island discord briefly and their account was heavily aged? Makes the odds of it being an alt unlikely honestly but I won’t comment because that person is mostly an unknown to us. From what we gather by the end of it mind shattered and being left with zero self worth the_seraph1 just wanted to keep chatting with his friends but once this Val person showed up they stopped responding, thus making this Val person cement the long term harassment goal of no one talking to him again. This basically shattered the_seraph1’s mind to such a point he began turning to self mutilation as a cry for help and not only did the gamindustri mod team laugh it off but from what we understand edwin-of-northumbria told him to just “do it already”? Sorry that alone should be enough to ban edwin-of-northumbria from the community entirely and block any community hes part of from so much as being mentioned. Eventually the_seraph1 was so mind fucked like many people had been before from the mod teams of soah1086 communities and their priority of mod team happiness above all else that he left, his girlfriend showed up and said he had tried to do an unthinkable action in response to all the emotional harassment and manipulation. When she joined the Discord just wanting to understand what the hell happened users taunted her before sigmastudio posted one of his custom Noire emotes and banned him before him, the other staff of that discord, and the users did a victory Dance. How is it that that is an acceptable response to someones loved one trying to do the unthinkable? In a respectable community sigmastudio would have lost his position on the Discord for such an action but remember these are people who above all else don’t want moderators that want the best for their communities, that want friends who will tell em no matter how toxic they are or how badly they mess up they are doing everything perfectly. The norm for soah1086 communities. We can see that his Girlfriend has been on Discord for quite awhile and from what I’m told she talks about in kuletxcore’s server if things had been different I bet you she could have been a well loved member of this community too. Interestingly enough a large number of anime Discords have been subject to raids lately, including Neptunia. But not a single user in any of them seems to be getting messages. Heck some of these anime Discords still have about 200 bots just sitting there. But if we look at his twitter we can see the_seraph1 was getting mass bombarded to the point he left Discord servers, unrelated to Neptunia, that he had a decent enough level of activity his name was at least “recognized” to get away from the harassment and save those Discords the trouble. So why leave communities entirely unrelated to Neptunia he enjoyed? Why were these bots joining Neptunia Discords but not messaging a single person in them? Simple, harass the_seraph1 and use the alts hitting the Neptunia discords to try and smear his name more if I had to guess having seen these moderators behavior in the past. Now the_seraph1 is gone and similar to Rajaxx it doesn’t sound like he doesn’t intend to ever come back, yet all this bullshit is still happening. We can see this in the recent tweet about a bad actor weresdrim is being harassed and extorted for Neptunia and here on this subreddit in that “Want to be a mod” post we can see that hobiiii is being targetted for gamindustrireform. Why is this important? Only Neptunia subreddits not currently ran by an gamindustri moderator or their closest closest friends. It fits the mantra going back years, to be recognized, we must be in control.
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