You made it! :) First up, SORRY! This has been a late post, I have my reasons don't question them (if you must know I'll be posting in the discord - one time only haha). Secondly, I am sure you can agree with me when I say "Wow!" What an incredible week it has been. Last week I thought it was going to take a couple more weeks for more moving price action when it had only taken a few days which has seen Bitcoin reach and pass the $10,000 region. We have also seen the total Market cap for cryptocurrencies increase from about 280B to over 300B (308B at time of writing) within just a few days. A huge injection of liquidity, about 40B, into the market and just to name a few of the best rises in the top 20 (on Coinmarketcap.com), the price of ETH BTC ADA have given good performances/positive responses (With this I will start adding screenshots at the end of each week for timestamp purposes). This may be a combination from Binance, Mastercard, Paypal, Grayscale investments, VISA AND the DEFI sector. Let me explain... Last week we read about Binance integrating with the company Swipe (SXP) to issue there own debit card expanding the use and reach of cryptocurrency to 31 countries within Europe. Binance's Q2 scheduled token burn of $60.5 Million, this figure correlates with its exchange, margin and futures trading platforms where approximately 20% of profits get burned to increase the price of BNB token (careful as the price has been steady after the burn). This week we find out Mastercard's expansion into the Cryptosphere as they expand and integrate with the Wirex team to issue a Mastercard-backed Bitcoin debit card, thus further extending the reach of cryptocurrency availability internationally. "The cryptocurrency market continues to mature and Mastercard is driving it forward, creating safe and secure experiences for consumers and businesses in today’s digital economy " "...Our work with Wirex and the wider crypto ecosystem is accelerating innovation and empowering consumers with more choice in the way they pay" Mastercard is also reaching out to other emerging cryptocurrency firms to apply to become principal members [Partners] with Mastercard as they have relaxed their digital assets program and look to expand into the Digital Assets and Blockchain environment. Paypals expression of interest in cryptocurrency facilitiation may bear fruits as it is said Paypal has partnered up with stablecoin operator Paxos (who is already in partnership with Revolut in the US) to facilitate trading through a cryptocurrency brokerage which will enable other firms to integrate cryptocurrency trading functionalities with them. In my opinion this looks much more promising than the Libra association they pulled out from last October as regulations. Grayscale Investments clears regulatory hurdle as they have been given the green light for its Bitcoin Cash Trust (BCHG) and Litecoin Trust (LTCN) to be quoted in over-the-counter (OTC) markets by US Financial Industry Regulatory Authority (FINRA). “The Trusts are open-ended trusts sponsored by Grayscale and are intended to enable exposure to the price movement of the Trusts’ underlying assets through a traditional investment vehicle, avoiding the challenges of buying, storing, and safekeeping digital Bitcoin Cash or Litecoin directly.” More green lights for Cryptocurrency in the US as regulators allow banks to provide cryptocurrency custody services (which may go further than just custody services). A little bit strange as it seems unnecessary and undermines one of the key factors and uses of cryptocurrency which is to be in complete control of your own finances... On another outlook this may be bullish as it allows US banks to provide banking services directly to lawful cryptocurrency businesses and show support for Bitcoin. Visa shows support stating they have a roadmap for their further expansion into the Crypto sphere. Already working with Crypto platform Coinbase and Fold they have stated they recognise the role of digital assets in the future of money. To be frank, it appears to be focused on stable coins, cost effectiveness and transaction speeds. However they are expanding their support for crypto assets. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, DeFI! Our very own growing section in crypto. Just like the 2017 ICO boom we are seeing exorbitant growth and FOMO into the Decentralised Finance sector (WBTC, Stablecoins, Yield farming, DEXs etc). The amount of active addresses on Ethereum has doubled but with the FOMO on their network have sky rocketed their fees! Large use-cases of stable coins such as USDT ($6B in circulation using ERC-20 standard), DAI, TUSD, and PAX. $114M Wrapped Bitcoin (WBTC) on their network acts as a fluid side chain for Bitcoin and DEX trade volume has touched $1.6B this month. With all this action happening on Ethereum I saw the 24HR volume surpass BTC briefly on Worldcoinindex.com In other news, Bitcoin has been set as a new precedent in a US federal court in a case against Larry Dean Harmon, the operator of an underground trading platform Helix. Bitcoin has now legally been ruled as a form of money. “After examination of the relevant statutes, case law, and other sources, the Court concludes that bitcoin is money under the MTA and that Helix, as described in the indictment, was an `unlicensed money transmitting business´ under applicable federal law.” Quick news in China/Asia as floods threaten miners and the most dominant ASIC Bitcoin mining rig manufacturer Bitmain loses 10,000 Antminers worth millions alledgedly goes missing or "illegally transfered" with ongoing leadership dispute between cofounders. Last but not least, Cardano (ADA) upgrade Shelley is ready to launch! Hardfork is initiated as final countdown clock is switched on. At time of writing the point of no return has been reached, stress tests done and confirmation Hardfork is coming 29/07 The Shelley Mainnet upgrade is a step toward fast, capable and decentralised crypto that can serve billions of people. With the Shelley Mainnet is ADA staking rewards and pools! Here is a chance for us Gravychainers to set up a small pool of our own. Small percentage of profits going into the development of the community, and you keep the rest! If you read all of my ramblings thanks heaps! I appreciate it! I have added an extra piece of reading called speculation. Most you can speculate on by just reading the headline some others have more depth to them. Another post next week for a weekly round up! Where do you think the market is going? What is in your portfolio? Let us know in the Gravychain Discord Channel See you soon!
🍕 Bring some virtual pizza to share 🍕 Come have a chat, stimulate a discussion, ask a question or share some knowledge. We are all friendly crypto enthusiasts up for a chat, supportive and want to help each other with knowledge and investments! Big thanks to our Telegram and My Crypto HQ for the constant news updates!
P.S. Dr Seuss collectables on the blockchain HECK YEAH! and Bitcoin enters NASCAR, remember when Doge did this? it was like when Doge was trending on TikTok. ... Oh yeah did I also mention Steve Wozniak is suing Youtube, Google over rampant Bitcoin scams. Wait, what? Sydney based law firm JPB Liberty is suing Google, Facebook and Twitter for up to $300B. Just another day in the Cryptosphere.
Level 2 Guild - 2 Daily Contracts (Assume For Three Weeks)
7 x 200 Points = 4200 Points
Level 3 Guild - 3 Daily Contracts
7 x 300 Points x 10 Weeks = 21000 Points
14 Weeks Total = 25900 Points
Old Daily Hero Challenge and Weekly Quest 100 Points - Daily Hero
100 x 100 Points = 10000 Points
400 Points - Weekly Quest
14 x 400 Points = 5600 Points
14 Weeks Total = 15600 Points
2 Tokens per week
200 Points a token
Your teammates get the points not you
Assuming you get 2 Bounties a week from teammates
14 x 400 Points = 5600 Points
Battle Gauntlet (NEW)
Available Daily - 1500 Points, 200 Sideshop Gold
If you win you pretty much get at least another ticket through sideshop Assuming you play gauntlet every day and won 33% of them
Why only 33% even though the calculation of Wager assume people won every bet? I'm not familiar with how gauntlet tier works so I can't assume people having more than 33% Gauntlet winrate (not game winrate)
100 Days of Gauntlet
10 x 1500 Points = 15000 Points
edit: I scaled down gauntlet by a lot more to make it more realistic Achievement
47650 Points without Gifts Achievement
63650 Points with Gifts Achievement
Note: Old Achievement counts Morokai Achievement, We don't have Summer Event Achievement yet on this Battlepass Summer Event - Unreleased Cant compare it to Morokai yet obviously What this Year Lack
Prediction Points = 24800 Points
Fantasy Points = 16000 Points
Bracket Prediction Points = 20000 Points
Total = 60800 Points (Assuming you're Oracle)
Conclusion Prediction is the biggest thing missing from this Battlepass for people that only buy the base version so this is basically what people should really focus on but these stuff are always in the end of the Battlepass so maybe Valve have something in mind for this I'm gonna sleep now so if there are faults in my scuffed calculations feel free to fix it, I know it's scuffed cause I don't really go in-depth on Wager and Gauntlet but at the very least it's not going to be that far off Note: In this post I only take into account 100 Days of Battle Pass which is technically 15 Weeks but I calculate everything as 14 Weeks anyway cause I don't like the number 98
Persona 5 Royal Quick Guide For Everything You May Want And Need To Know
Please note before reading this, all that has been typed is from my own gatheringswhile playig through. I am just about to start NG+ soon on merciless. My first playthrough was on normal and I managed to platinum it, so some of this information may be different between difficulties. Exp and money farming Flu reaper and confusing request shadows no longer work as they now block all ailments. The quickest way to farm money and EXP is to collect the stamps that are now scattered around the floors of Momemtos. Taking them to Jose allows one to alter the cognition of Mementos, allowing to gain more exp and yen from battles and Items from driving over them. Money and EXP are increased to a max of 200% and items can now yield 4 different items with a total max quantity of 11. Items now allow for the farming of blank cards and crafting materials, alongside sell able goods and consumables. Upon reaching a high enough level, and gaining Insta-kill from Ryuji (Rank 7), You once again gain the ability to run through shadows. Unlike the original game, you now gain exp, yen and items alongside the persona. This quick kill technique allows for easy and quick farming of small to medium amounts of EXP and yen, at most a few hundred thousand in a few hours on the earlier paths. Alongside the quick kill, Fusion alarms become very frequent, allowing to build higher leveled and stronger personas, as well as itemize them for powerful skill cards and items. The Reaper makes a return, this time becoming unaffected by despair during Flu season. The Reaper has now weakness or strengths and neither blocks nor repels. His overall attack and health/defence have been nerfed. Overall it is still a long a tedious fight that can take upwards of 20 minutes or more depending on level. Attempting The Reaper before Kaneshiros palace is suicide as the Accessory you gain from the will seeds allows you to repel any attack that is not almighty once. This insta-locks the reaper in using almighty attacks only, which takes the strain of being knocked down by weaknesses. Getting Ryuji, Yusuke and Makoto high enough level is cruicial IMO as they gain access to use Mata- skills, which buff one stat for the whole team. Ryuji for Attack, Yusuke for Accuracy,Evasion and Makoto for Defence. Jose and Mementos Jose appears at random with high chances appearing before safe areas and end of paths. Not much is available at the start, but is good way to gain Ofudas (raise one stat for whole team) and SP restorative items. You gain access to better items the more you unlock mementos. At one point, you gain access to buy Incenses from him. They are used during lockdowns and give the persona either 1,2 or 3 towards one of their individual stats. you will also gain access to buy transmutable items for itemizing personas. There are also new events that may happen at random when travelling between floors called Deviations. That are only half-dozen events that may take place and there may even be a chance for 2 to happen at the same time. They areas follow: -Increased shadow spawns: The amount of shadows that spawn within the vicinity jump from 1-3 to 4 minimum, making the level more difficult to traverse. This can either be a pro or con depending on your level. Higher leveled people will be able to utilize the quick kill technique to gain a faster rate of money and experience, while the lower levels would have to suffer through the continuous onslaught of shadows. You may be able to leave and re-enter the level to reset, but I have not tried it myself. -Pitfall Traps: This deviation spawns pitfalls that can only be seen by using third eye. They are glowing circles on the floor, which will send you down one floor and drop you in a random location on the level. Great for getting through floors quickly, but a pain to navigate if you are grinding -Total Darkness: The floor in Mementos has been covered in an unnatural pitch black fog. This makes seeing the area a lot harder and you cannot rely on the map as it does not record. Your best bet is to continuously hold down third eye and use that to help navigate. -Total Treasure Demon level: All shadows have been replaced with treasure demons. This deviation is a godsend for people who are grinding money. The new mechanics with treasure demons make it so that you receive money when you deal damage to them. So, if you don’t manage to defeat one, but damage it, you will receive a few thousand yen depending on which treasure it was. -Instant Reaper Spawn: For the few Reaper farmers that are there right now, this cuts down the wait by instantly spawning The Reaper upon entry. Be very weary if you are a low level, leave and re-enter the floor to despawn it. -High Level Shadows Only: All shadows that spawn on this floor contain the red energy effect, indicating that they are high leveled. This does not necessarily mean better yields of exp and money. If you can, see for yourself. Note that there is also a finite amount that will spawn after the initial wave and will return to normal spawns after that New Features to confidants and my recommendations The Fortune Confidant, Chihaya, now has a new rank 7 and 10 ability. Rank 7 allows for one to buy an increase of rate at which fusion alarms appear. At rank 10, you can now buy the ability to highlight which option is the best option when talking to any confidant for the day, at the low price of 10000 yen. Shinya Oda (Tower) has been remodeled to work around the new gun mechanics. His abilities that increased ammo capacity have been changed to now increase the chance of inflicting secondary effects, such as feashock/dizziness and so on. Iwai (Hanged) gun customization options have been expanded on. You will now have the ability to add camos to weapons. This will add either Burn or Freeze or shock to the gun, but also halves the total capacity. This allows you to gain the trophy “Technician” easily. He will also give a new pistol when confronted after Kamoshida’s palace that his quite powerful, with high chance of shock. Kawakami has become even more useful with Joker now having the ability to move downstairs after a palace, including after beating a boss. This means that you can use her ‘Special Massage’ more often. This opens up more time to utilize after palaces. My recommendation for confidants to focus on are: -Twin Wardens (Strength) - Having the ability to fuse high level personas early in the game makes farming easier and quicker if you do not want to use DLC personas. The lockdown is also a good way to train individual stats of a person, so you can make ultimate personas easily. -Chihaya (Fortune) - She is a very important confidant to rank up. Th ability to help increase the rank of a confidant for 5000 yen is crucial for those who want to max everyone out. The ability to highlight the best responses for 10000 is a god send. If you only focus on one confidant at a time, then by using both abilities, it allows you to power rank confidants real quickly. -Kawakami (Temperance) - The initial and rank 5 abilities allow Joker to slack off in school. This allows you to catch up on the leveling of social stats, or making new tools. She can also make coffee, curry or wash clothes for, allowing more time for you to use. Her ‘Special Massage’ is the real winner here. This allows for you to utilize the night after being in a palace. It has also been changed so it no longer requires 5000 yen to use. -Yoshida (Sun) - If you don’t feel like wasting precious yen on leveling the twins up, the Yoshida is the way to go. Rank 10 allows for you to form contracts with higher level personas, allowing for you to gain them at a lower level. His other abilities are nothing to scoff at either. He will highlight what is the best option during negotiations, sometimes skip the shadow conversations, and gain the ability to ask for more money and items. Third semester and how to obtain The third semester deviates were the original game ended. To access this, you MUST level Maruki (Councillor) to rank 9 by November. You also lose the ability to rank Akechi up after Sai’s palace. I went through and ranked Akechi as high as possible (Rank 8) before he end of Sai’s. I recommend doing it as not only is it a good sub-plot to explore, but it may be required for the third semester. It starts from 12/24 and runs to 2/3. During this time, the Phantom Thieves (Except Joker) undergo a person fusion. This can only b achieved by have the confidant to rank 10 and gaining the second awakening. Edit: It has been confirmed that Maruki, Akechi and Kasumi are needed to be maxed out to access the third semester. This means gettin Maruki to rank 9 and Akechi to rank 8 before the end of Sais and Kasumi to rank 5. Social Stats Many are wondering about Social stats. Are they easier? Are they harder? Thy are in fact harder to get. Knowledge which is very limited at the start of the game requires more points to level. It has an extra 30 points added to it, jumping from approx 130 points in P5, to 160 points in P5R. The biggest part of knowledge is the beginning, but takes off real quickly after ran 3. it is the biggest leap in points and the other stats should take no more the 10-15 extra points. Playing darts at penguin sniper in Kichijoji gives 2 to proficiency whilst playing Billiards gives two points to a random stat. Kawakami may now call on Ann to answer some questions during class. She will ask you for help. Answer correctly and you will recieve 2 charm instead on knowledge. All original methods of Social Stat leveling are still there. Some may now receive less and the bonus stat points from chihaya’s confidants ability have been nerfed. Palaces and Will Seeds Scattered throughout the palaces are 3 rooms that are covered up. Inside, contain will seeds. These will seeds may seem unimportant at first glance, but are actually really powerful. Firstly, they restore some SP upon collection. This actual allows you to have an easier time securing treasure routes in a single day. Once all 3 will seeds have been obtained, they will fuse into a powerful accessory. They may seem very useless, but upon taking them to Jose in Momentos, he will unlock the true potential. This allows you to have access to very powerful accessories early on. If you happen to miss a will seed before defeating the boss, then don’t worry. Jose will stock any will seeds that you have missed in his shop for 400 flowers. Palaces have been slightly redesigned to include the grapple hook. This means that some of the long and tedious areas no longer exist, due to being replaced by the grapple hook. Some areas/mini bosses have been moved to make use of the new will seeds. Unfortunately for those few out there, the airlock puzzles in Okumuras and rat puzzles in Shidos are still there. They have been shortened by a tiny fraction (about 1-2 minute save at most) New Game Plus now carries over more then the original. The following now carry over to each save: Compendium Progress, Enemy Analysis Info, Social Stats, HP and SP increases, Jazz Club cocktail effects, Equipment, Gun Customization's, Skill Cards, Dart Set, Fishing Poles, Perma-Pick, Money, Challenge battle scores/rewards, Stamps collected and total play time. For you gym junkies and monks out there, this means that you could start a NG+ play through with 999 HP and 999 SP. If your console detects a save file from original version of Persona 5, you receive 50,000 Yen, 3 Items that heal the party fully, and 3 items that revive with 50% health. If anyone has any questions, I will try to reply to them in a timely manner.
[Other Regions] Hell mode, maybe you will think of reboot server? No no no, I mean, CMS (MapleStory in China mainland). This article is mean to introduce the situation about CMS, before starting, let me tell you an evil story about CMS recently. It should be about the middle September, the operating agent of CMS (call it agent below) announced to merge all servers (about 50 or more) into 7 servers, because there are almost no any players in some servers. Anyway, players can not do anything to stop it, and they have to accept it, though it will increase the price insides every server and the loads of servers, damaging players' experience. Yes, there still could be something benefit for players, while it could combime resources and players between several servers into one server, to make the game HOT again. Before continuing, let's talk about the character positions. In CMS, a new account starts with only 4 character positions IN EACH SERVER. Players must pay 30 CNY (about 4.29 USD) for each extra position. If you wanna play 40 different characters with one account in one server, you have to pay 1080 CNY (154 USD) for it, really a big spend in China. Now back to the story. At first, the agent selected a few player-less servers as first servers group to merge. I believe it's for test. The result is all characters in all these servers were combined into a one server for each account, and everything is okay, excepting some small bugs. However, in November 22th when the second group of servers were combined, only 4 + PAID characters were reserved for each account. What about the others? Hidden, and requiring pay for unlock! At that time, the agent act like a robber. Players get angry. They reported the problem to GOV and some comsumer ORGs, but nothing changed. Oh, my mistake, something happened. Against the players, the agent recycled all unpaid character positions in first merged group of servers! Sounds like a blood sucker? No no no, I had said, this is just a beginning. Now, let's get into the real hell mode, CMS.
1. Poor BOSS
The BOSS produces nothing. Yes, nothing. All advanced weapon and equipment come from the lucky-draw system, which defines luck as money. E.g. The lv200 weapons dropped by Lucid/Will? No, stop dreaming. That never happens, unless you save the world in previous life. Maybe you will say you can exchange the lv200 weapon by Droplet Stones. However, it's extremely hard to collect enough Arcane River Droplet Stones because its drop rate is less than 0.000000...00001. To be honest, I can't understand, if BOSS doesn't worth challenge, what do we do with advanced weapon? Isn't it ridiculous?
2. Damage limitation of weapon
You may say, the limitation of damage is up to 10,000,000k in KMS/GMS/JMS/TMS, etc. But, in CMS it's 999k by default. Yes, even you has enough ATTACK, you could only make at most 999k damage by default. You wanna increase the limitation, buy the limit-exceeding stone from the agent, and use it on your weapon! It's bound with weapon, not character or account! If your wanna switch to a new weapon, pay again! (Of course you can usep Todd system too, if you are rich enough) In CMS, you can buy the limit-exceeding stone from the other players, and the price is about 300 CNY/100k in the server I am playing in. Thus, if you wanna make damage upto 1,000,000k like GMS/KMS/TMS, firstly you have to pay for the damage limitation at least 30k CNY! Crazy! This makes advanced weapon in CMS very expensive. And nobody could fight against the Black Mage due to the limitation.
3. Randomly banning account
As I know, the MapleStory used 2 systems of cheat-detection. One on the server-side, and the other one on client-side. The server-side cheat-detection system, often make mistakes. When it get crazy, it will ban an innocent account for a few days, or years. The best situation is just putting you into the black room. As to thw client-side system(NGS, Nexon Game Security system, you may heard it before), it does nothing better than the server-side one, and even worse. It works when the game client running. It does 2 things:
Scan all processes on your computer, and check if it's a cheating program.
Scan all files under the directory of all running processes, and try to find out and cheating programs.
The terrible thing is, it couldn't do the first thing well, but do the second thing 'well'. Every week, there are 1~5 innocent players banned. Sometimes more. And, who allows Nexon scan my computer files? Privacy cheating from Nexon? Fxxk them all.
4. Mass of studio
Game studio, the profit organization, using cheating programs, destroying the balance of game. They are all over the CMS, every server, every map! In half of the maps, players can not fight with any monster, because all monsters are killed by studios. Their cheating program is so stable that the cheat-detection system never stop them! Players believe the studios are running by the agent itself, only that can explain why the agent can't stop those studios. Oh, how many of them? I can't tell a number. What I could tell is, their existent makes server latency great high. Maybe you could understand now.
5. Cut rewards
The effect of scroll is cut, e.g. Spell Trace +9 ATT for lv115+ weapon in KMS/TMS/GMS, but +7 ATT in CMS. Star system for equipment. The success ratio of first star outsides CMS, shoule be 95%, but in CMS, it's 85%. And so on, 10->11 is 50%(35% in CMS), 11->12 is 45%(25% in CMS). What's more? I don't know. To this, I would choose the 100% star scroll, and then the blood-sucker agent put it into lucky-draw system. Suprise? The activities, like the 15th anniversary, adventure, eclipse, and the coming Glory, all of them, the reward is cut. All things the activity shop sells is different from KMS/TMS/GMS. The agent explain that this is their policy to fight against the studios. And the fact is, player have to buy everything from studio. All players joins the same activities, KMS/GMS/TMS get useful reward, CMS get poor reward. And some general profits, like:
FREE pets? NO!
FREE bag slot? NO!
FREE character position? NO!
Everything, please pay for it! In brief, you pay 10000 USD to buy the things from CMS, worth only 1 USD in TMS/KMS/GMS. Well, I have to give the CMS agent my praise, it is really the world best blood-sucker, it wouldn't leave even 1cc blood for you. It executes the NO-FREE-LUNCH policy exactly and perfectly! Everytime the agent say fixing bug, the players would say a joke: we fixed the bug that you can play withont money.
6. Lucky-Draw System
I must point out, in China, betting is illegal but lucky-draw system is allowed. And its rate is required to be public! The agent doesn't obey this law, or it used the Legal loophole. It put some rubbish together with good things, and make them a group. It just tell the rate of group, not the rate of each item. And, the agent provides two lucky-draw system. One is insides the game, while the other in the webpage. The one in the game is relative cheap, the fee is 2/3.5/7/12.5/15/20 CNY once but the rate is very very very low. As to the one in the webpage, the fee is 50/100 CNY once (14 USD). You must know, in Shenzhen, one of the top city in China, the AVG income is only 8000 CNY. The agent set so high the fee, to makes the advance weapons great expensive.
7. Real Sin
All above is not the worst. What's more? The agent is a liar, bandit, hooligan and local despot! They denied to admit that they have mistake. They announce their system never makes mistakes. Even Linus wouldn't say he never make bugs. How dare you? Who the hell you think you are? They said they never ban a non-cheating player and all banned players are guilty, but acctually if you are a RICH guy, even you use cheating program, you could get unbanned. At the early time, they even provides a public way to pay for unban! And, sometimes, the server was down, and data in past a few hours lost. The agent wouldn't give any compensate. That's all.
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There are 3 additional promotions available at Amun-Ra. These are the cashback bonus, live blackjack bonus, and the birthday bonus. In this section, we will give you an overview of each one so that you know how they work and how to claim them. The cashback bonus will grant you 10% cashback up to a cap of $1000, with the minimum amount of cashback being $5. You can claim it on any single day of each week. Cashback amounts will be credited to your real money balance upon request every Monday. To get this bonus you need to have made at least one minimum deposit that week. The formula for calculating how much cashback you’ll receive is (total deposits – total withdrawals – credited bonuses) x 10%. The bonus for live blackjack players allows you to receive a 50% deposit match bonus up to $100. The minimum deposit is $20. Each bet is capped at $25 when playing with the funds from this bonus. This means that if you deposit the full amount, you will get an extra $50. Every year, in the week of your birthday, you can claim a special gift so long as you have deposited at least one minimum deposit that week. The particular bonus you will receive will depend upon your activity with the casino over the past year. To claim it you will need to contact customer support using the live chat in the week of your birthday. There is also the tournament offering, which is the special feature we mentioned in the introduction. Each tournament lasts for 24 hours and will take you on a competitive adventure to win prizes by competing against your fellow players. It looks very promising, and we can’t wait for it to go live.
Play-through Requirements (Wagering Requirements)
The general rules for the casino specify that every deposit made has to be wagered 1x. This is highly beneficial for players as many casinos set their rates much higher than this. It means that when you place the minimum deposit of $20, you only need to bet $20 before you can withdraw any winnings as real money. There is a chance this is a misunderstanding caused by the casino, but there is no mention of any other wagering rules in the terms and conditions. However, it is another story for bonus money earned through promotions. There are two specific wagering requirements relating to the sign-up bonus and the live blackjack bonus. The wagering requirements for each deposit in the sign-up bonus is 30x, which includes your real money deposit + the bonus amount. You will need to meet each 30x requirement within 7 days of triggering the relevant part of the bonus. For example, if you activated all 4 deposit match bonuses on your first day, then you would need to wager all of the money 30x 4 times over. So when you’re claiming the welcome bonus, don’t rush ahead and grab all the deposit bonuses at once unless you are confident you could meet this requirement. As for the live blackjack, the wagering requirements are set at a rather high 50x, and you can only meet them through that one specific game. You’ve also got to meet them within 7 days of triggering the bonus. This will be quite difficult unless you plan to place a lot of bets on live blackjack games. >>Play Free Spins Now<<
VIP & Loyalty
Amun-Ra has got a suitably themed Egyptian loyalty program based on a series of Ra-Levels. The full details about the scheme have not yet been updated on their website, but they do have a separate page dedicated to it with some intriguing information. There are silhouettes of a few Egyptian gods, and it looks like players can unlock them after earning a certain number of comp points. Each god comes with one or more gifts, as a symbol of a present is placed next to the name of each god. Only the first gift for the first god is revealed. You’ll get 10 free spins when you earn 20CP and unlock the god Ptah. The points and names of the other gods are as follows:
40CP – Taweret
80CP – Thoth
150CP – Tefnut
300CP – Reshup
More details may be provided as the casino develops its website, or it may be that the other gifts are deliberately kept secret so that they’re a surprise for players when they unlock the corresponding gods.
The AmunRa Casino
At the current time, Amun-Ra does not contain a sportsbook for players to place bets on sporting fixtures. This may change in the future if the casino decides to rebrand or expand, and as soon as we hear about a sportsbook is available, we will write a review of it and put the link here. In the meantime, please feel free to check out our other sportsbook reviews.
How to Start Playing
Luckily, Amun-Ra provides a page with all the details about their registration process. A wide range of countries is restricted on the casino, which includes the United States of America, Australia, Belgium, Bulgaria, Cyprus, the United Kingdom, Ukraine, Ireland, Italy, France, Turkey, Spain, Slovakia, and Lithuania. The full list is available on the website. You will need to be at least 18 years of age to join. Here is the process you need to follow to successfully join Amun-Ra: 1. Click the blue Join Now button in the top right corner of the website2. Provide your date of birth, first and last name, registered address, correct email address, and telephone number3. Create a username and password4. Register one of the approved payment methods and make the minimum deposit5. Select the game you’d like to play and begin enjoying AmunRa The casino has the right to verify your identity. This means your address, contact number and email address must be correct, and any identity documents provided to the casino must be genuine. The casino does this as part of their Know Your Customer procedure and to prove your age. If they are not satisfied with you, they can refuse registration and close and/or close your account, but if you do everything according to the instructions, there should be no problems.
The casino accepts deposits and withdrawals from a variety of methods, including cards and e-wallets. The minimum deposit on Amun-Ra is $20, and the minimum withdrawal amount is also $20. You can withdraw a maximum of $7500 a week and $15000 a month. The casino has the right to divide anything over $15000 into monthly installments.
There are 11 deposit methods at Amun-Ra, and here is the full list: • Visa • Mastercard • Paysafecard • Trustly • Klarna • Maestro • Skrill • Neosurf • Neteller • Rapid Transfer • Interac Online • ecoPayz The processing time for all of these methods is instant, and there are no extra fees charged for transactions.
Minimum & Maximum Deposits
Each of the deposit methods listed above has a minimum deposit amount of $20 except for Interac Online. They have a minimum deposit amount of $10, but this is irrelevant as the casino has a general minimum of $20. The maximum deposit amount varies, and they are listed below alongside each method: • Visa – $4000 • Mastercard – $4000 • Paysafecard – $1000 • Trustly – $5000 • Klarna – $2500 • Maestro – $4000 • Skrill – $10000 • Neosurf – $10000 • Neteller – $4000 • Rapid Transfer – $4000 • Interac Online -$4000 • ecoPayz – $4000
The casino has a slightly smaller number of withdrawal methods, with a total of 8. They are listed below, along with their payout speeds. Each one has a minimum withdrawal amount of $10 and a maximum of $4000, except for Paysafecard, which has a maximum of $250. • Visa – 1-3 banking days • Mastercard – 1-3 banking days • Paysafecard – instant • Trustly – instant • Bank Transfer – 1-5 banking days • Skrill – instant • Neteller – instant • ecoPayz – instant >>Free Spins Games<<
Amun-Ra provides a comprehensive selection of games across many different categories. These are video slots, blackjack, table games, video poker, jackpot, and Egyptian-themed games. They also provide a live casino for a more immersive experience, along with separate sections for new and for popular games. We will explore the slots, table games, and live casinos in the following sections so that you can get a taste of what’s available. You can also rest assured that the site is organized well and everything is easy to find.
Video slots comprise the majority of the games on offer at Amun-Ra, and these are the ones you will probably spend most of your time using. Amun-Ra currently makes use of 27 game providers including Microgaming, Quickspin, NextGen, Betsoft Gaming, Sapphire, Fantasma, and Yggdrasil. All of the games cover plenty of genres and themes, such as dance, beaches, birds, outer space, romance, dragons, and royalty. Of course, there is also the section dedicated to Egyptian games. They include Book of Dead, Eye of Ra, Max Quest: Wrath of Ra, Enchanted Cleopatra, Legacy of Egypt, Egyptian Fortunes, and more. You can find out which slots are the best according to players using the popular section. Some of the most popular slots include Sweet Bonanza, Buffalo King, Starburst, Rise of Merlin, and Narcos.
Casino Table Games
Amun-Ra offers three main table games, which are blackjack, roulette, and video poker. There are separate pages for each one on the website. The blackjack section is enormous, with over 120 games available. Blackjack Bonus, American Blackjack, Red Queen Blackjack, 21 Blackjack, Blackjack Classic, and Infinite Blackjack are just a few of the types of blackjack on offer. The roulette section is somewhat smaller with just over 80 games, but this is still plenty. Versions of the game at Amun-Ra include Rapid Automatic Roulette, Roulette Master, Silver Roulette, Gold Roulette, Zoom Roulette, and Roulette Royal. Finally, there are 23 video poker games available, featuring choices such as Kings or Better, Joker Poker, Tens or Better, and Deuces Wild.
Live Dealer Games
The live casino at Amun-Ra is one of the largest on the market, with over 200 games. However, there is not much variety. Most of the games are versions of classic titles like blackjack and roulette. Speed Blackjack, VIP Roulette, Common Draw Blackjack, Blitz Blackjack, Standard Blackjack, Blackjack Ruby, American Roulette, and Auto Roulette are a few of the versions available. Several baccarat games are available such as Speed Baccarat and Salon Prive Baccarat, along with a few other games like Super Sic Bo and Side Bet City. The game show Mega Ball is also featured in the live casino. Unlike some casinos, Amun-Ra offers games from more than one live provider, and the choices available for those who want to play blackjack are particularly worth noting. There are simply more than you’d ever expect, and that dovetails nicely with the blackjack match bonus.
Mobile & Apps
Amun-Ra Casino does not currently offer a mobile casino application for either iOS or Android devices, which is a disappointment. However, they do provide a tailor-made experience if you use your phone’s browser. This in-browser version of Amun-Ra mimics the website very closely and has all of the same functionality. It is also free from technical difficulties, which can sometimes make mobile casinos challenging to use. A menu on the side of the website gives you all of the options, and the main screen follows the same layout as it does on a computer. You’ll find the promotions listed at the top, followed by the game categories and then further information about the casino. This makes it simple and quick to use, which is always helpful when you’re busy.
Security & Licensing
This casino is owned by N1 Interactive Ltd, which is registered in Malta with the number C 81457 at the address given at the bottom of their website. They are licensed and regulated by the Malta Gaming Authority with the license number MGA/B2C/394/2017, which was issued on 01/08/2018. For added protection, you can secure your account with two-factor authentication to minimize the risk of it being misused.
To get in touch with Amun-Ra, you can do one of two things. You can email them at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]), or use the live chat facility on their website which can be accessed by pressing either the help button in the bottom right corner of the live chat button in the bottom left corner. Live chat is available 24/7. They also have an FAQ page to help with common queries, which you can find in the links at the bottom of the page.
AmunRa casino sets an example to the rest in terms of its slick design, ease of use, and visual appeal. No casino is perfect, but this one comes very close. Everything works as it should do, the terms and conditions are easy to follow, and several solid bonuses are provided both for new and returning players. The tournament system looks particularly promising. They’ve managed to strike a balance between being too intense with graphics, and being too plain. This balance is exactly right. Players will enjoy using the website, but not be distracted by it whilst they’re getting on with gambling or administrative tasks within their account. Plenty of support is available from Amun-Ra, and there is no shortage of intriguing games to maintain interest, even after you’ve been signed up for a long time. The only minor drawback is that the loyalty program is somewhat unclear. The information has not been given regarding how players can accumulate comp points and claim rewards. And by only revealing one of the rewards, there is an element of mystery, but it also doesn’t give the player anything specific to work towards. Overall, this is a casino that could become one of your firm favorites as soon as you begin using it. It has all the games and features that you would expect from a top-quality online casino. >>Register Here Spins<<
Wowwwww, you meow like a cat! That means you are one, right? Shut the fuck up. If you really want to be put on a leash and treated like a domestic animal then that’s called a fetish, not “quirky” or “cute”. What part of you seriously thinks that any part of acting like a feline establishes a reputation of appreciation? Is it your lack of any defining aspect of personality that urges you to resort to shitty representations of cats to create an illusion of meaning in your worthless life? Wearing “cat ears” in the shape of headbands further notes the complete absence of human attribution to your false sense of personality, such as intelligence or charisma in any form or shape. Where do you think this mindset’s gonna lead you? You think you’re funny, random, quirky even? What makes you think that acting like a fucking cat will make a goddamn hyena laugh? I, personally, feel extremely sympathetic towards you as your only escape from the worthless thing you call your existence is to pretend to be an animal. But it’s not a worthy choice to assert this horrifying fact as a dominant trait, mainly because personality traits require an initial personality to lay their foundation on. You’re not worthy of anybody’s time, so go fuck off, “cat-girl”. DUHHHHH FORTNITE BAD DUHHHH BRORTNITE BRAD!!1!1 IS THAT ALL YOU DEPRESSED FUCKS CAN SAY? FORTNITE FORTNITE EMOJI INSTA BAD EMOJI EMOJI BAD BAD!!1!1 I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE WHO CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON LOOP LIKE A BROKEN FUCKING RECORD Do I have any questions? Unless you are a published theoretical physicist and have earned a Master of Science and two PhDs, have an IQ of 187, and went to college at 11, research String Theory at Caltech, switched disciplines from bosonic string theory to heterotic string theory and reconciled the black hole information paradox using a string network condensate approach, worked on the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations and considered a method for optimizing a 500 GeV particle detector to this end, jointly wrote a paper on supersolids to be presented at an Institute of Experimental Physics topical conference on Bose-Einstein condensates, keep a whiteboard in the living room for scientific theories containing virtual particles in quantum mechanics or series of Riemann zeta functions, then no I will not ask you any questions Are you autistic? You most likely are if you’re an atheist, seeing how atheism is the ideological byproduct of a neurogenetic and spiritual malfunction comorbidly concomitant with low functioning autism as the result of a bioexcess in deleterious mutational load. This is why, hence the PATHETIC little shitstain you have the AUDACITY to refer to as a comment, your theological subspecies are incapable of both the abstract thought, abductive reasoning, and understanding of biblical allegory and metaphor required for a belief in God - in conjunction with your offensively blatant lack of the slightest iota of ability to process God’s gifts of irony and satire even in their most base, rudimentary manifestations. You’re genetically FUCKED, you vile reprobate scum - to put it euphemistically, kid. Not even Jesus will save you now. I'm sick of seeing people in line at Walmart pull out their EBT cards (with their hair all done, wearing diamond jewelry) to pay for their 6 grocery carts full of steak and lobster, and then hop into their Lamborghinis with the suicide doors I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME and then go home to their gated section 8 community where they drive straight into their inground pool full of gold coins YES THIS HAPPENS I work 180 hours a week and I can't even afford a McDonald's hamburger meanwhile these leeches on MY TAX MONEY are lowering the value of my house by floating around with their 9 children in a HOT AIR BALLOON Start using mod approved words! Instead of virgin, say Redditeur! Joemama is Joe Swanson's African ancestor, who appeared in "Untitled Griffin Family History". He, like his descendant, is paraplegic, paralyzed from the waist down. In lieu of a wheelchair, he used a wild boar as his method of mobility. His best friends were Nate Griffin and Quagdingo. The three were captured by Cleveland from South Carolina, and brought to the American British colonies, along with Tobi, Ali Williams, and the African ancestors of Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons. It is unknown what became of Joemama following the arrival in the new world. The status of the wild boar is unknown as well. ok so I am ultimately PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW because my STUPID INSENSITIVE BIGOT OF A SCIENCE TEACHER WONT COVER THE SKELETON IN OUR CLASSROOM!!!! ive told him THOUSANDS of TIMES that i have severe anxiety from sans and ive actually developed ptsd from the sans fight and i have to carry an inhaler everywhere i go now because when i see bones or the color blue i start hyperventilating because of panic then if I don’t take my inhaler it turns into a ptsd episode and i already had to be sent home 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE SKELETON IN MY SCIENCE CLASS TRIGGERED ME!!!! AND HE WONT COVER IT!!!!!!! like????? i dont know what to do ive tried talking about it to the councilor but they said my condition isnt real???? like um YEAH IT IS??? i would know??????????? cause I wake up screaming and in tears each night because i have a recurring nightmare where SANS TELLS ME IM GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME THEN HAS THE FUCKING DECENCY TO TO TELL ME IVE DIED 10 TIMES, AND THAT I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME???????? and it just PISSES ME OFF how the school CARE THST I AM ON THR BRINK OF OFING BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!!!!! So I walk up to this bitch (apparently right after she got divorced) and say "what's up Karen you wanna go for a jog this afternoon haha" and she's like "please just leave me alone" and I'm like "whatever bitch" and then like an hour later get called into our HR person's office and they're like "you gotta stop harassing Karen she's going through a lot right now, she's just signed her divorce papers" And I'm like "hah who'd married that skank, someone with a wheelchair fetish?" And my HR person (Hank) was well like "come on man, they've been married for 16 years. They've been having trouble since her accident last year. She thinks he blames her for getting into the accident that killed their kids" and I'm all like lol So I leave and I'm hungry so I go to grab my lunch (turkey and provolone) only to see, lo and behold, that dumb bitch Karen set her bag of lunch RIGHT in front of mine!! so I write out a note saying how glad I am to be working with her but if she puts her lunch in front of mine again I swear to fuck I will finish the job that God couldn't So I go through the rest of my day joking around with Karen every time I see her even though she is I giant cunt about it (my favorite was 'accidently' dropping a pair of scissors on her colostomy bag lol) and I have to ignore the picture of that fucking rat whenever I walk by her desk So I finish my day asking for her ex husband's number since I need a new wingman to look for some babes with and she fucking flips it and when she's yelling at me I'm all like "maybe if you don't want to get divorced you shouldn't have gotten hit by a drink driver you ever think of that bitch" and then she rolled away aggressively So that was my Thursday Did you know that spiders cannot physically die of natural causes? If kept safe, a spider can continue to live and. grow larger for a theoretically unlimited amount of time. In fact, in China there exists a collection of 'holy' spiders, hatched some 2,800 years ago during the height of the Mang-Tsun dynasty. I work for a large employer, so we have multiple cafeterias on campus. Every once in a while, I'll go get a large bowl of chili for lunch. Well, these cheapskates limit you to 2 packages of crackers with your bowl of chili, but today they had all sorts of delicious whole wheat crackers (very rare for this place). So I decided to stock up. As I'm stuffing my pockets with packages of crackers, one of the cafeteria worker ladies comes up to me and says, "limit 2 packages per order of chili", and I honestly flashed her the trollface... just to see what she would say and she said, "didn't you hear me? i said 2 packages." I kept the trollface strong and stood there like a statue. She said, "i don't think you are understanding me." and I just continued to trollface. She just turned around and left, and I walked off with my pockets fully lined with delicious wheat treats.. I checked out and took my extra 10 packages of crackers with me. I've never tried trollface in the workplace before, but I thought what better time than to try it on an hourly cafe worker? It worked surprisingly well, and I will now use it more often. Do not patronise me you little shit. Are you aware that all you were trying to do by typing "retard" was to aggravate me? I consider myself a bit of an expert in human and animal behaviour during this here lifetime and you might not have had any idea that you were trying to aggravate me. See, we are nothing but mere animals, with flesh and bone and instincts. We are not able to decide our reactions and instincts anymore than a Mountain Lion or a Great White Shark. What gives us such a sense of importance in this here world is our superior intellect, but I think all that does is gives us the power to manipulate those animals with lesser intellectuals. I consider myself a little bit wiser than you by far, and just wanted to make sure you were aware that I am the human being and you are the Mountain Lion. Your stupid little comment attempting to aggravate me doesn't provide me with the instinct to swim and bite your neck like a Great White Shark would. Oh no, because I can control my instincts while a Great White Shark can't. I will continue to refuse to be aggravated by your petty, two worded snarky reply. You thought that you would try and assert your dominance over me by trying to patronise me, but on this here day I refuse, oh yes I do. I hope that this gives you the ability to actually treat people like equals (or superiors) because you are absolutely sickening. Grow up. I went to Dairy Queen a while ago; you know, Dairy Queen? Well anyways there was an insane number of people there, and I couldn't get in. Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "Free ice cream" written on it. Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You, don't come to Dairy Queen just because there is free ice cream, fool. It's only free ice cream, FREE ICE CREAM for crying out loud. There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Dairy Queen, huh? How fucking nice. "Alright, daddy's gonna order the sundae." God I can't bear to watch. You people, I'll give you free ice cream if you get out of those seats. Dairy Queen should be a bloody place. That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place. Women and children should screw off and stay home. Anyways, I was about to start eating, and then the bastard beside me goes "Cone, extra fudge." Who in the world orders extra fudge nowadays, you moron? I want to ask him, "do you REALLY want to eat it with extra fudge?" I want to interrogate him. I want to interrogate him for roughly an hour. Are you sure you don't just want to try saying "extra fudge"? Coming from a Dairy Queen veteran such as myself, the latest trend among us vets is this, blizzard with extra Kit-Kat. That's right, extra Kit-Kat. This is the vet's way of eating. Extra Kit-Kat means more Kit-Kat than ice cream. But on the other hand the price is a tad higher. This is the key. And then, it's delicious. This is unbeatable. However, if you order this then there is danger that you'll be marked by the employees from next time on; it's a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs. What this all really means, though, is that you should just stick with the banana split. You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to. Many people always ask me how I was able to get into Harvard as a 16 year old who skipped 3 grades of high school. They think I got in because of my scholarly records, but no the key is the interview. As I sat in the Harvard Dean's office in front of the board of reviewers for my application, the Dean asks me "Why should you be a good candidate for this school?" They seemed bored but I replied "Well I was born a child prodigy, placed 1st in my state spelling bee for three consecutive years, I can speak eight different languages not counting Latin, play four different instruments, I skipped grades 4 through 6, and graduated my high school as valedictorian at the age of 14. I then worked as an intern at both Telsa, and NASA." Suddenly the room burst into laughter and many of board instantly started scribbling down "No" near the application check marks. The Dean says "Sorry but you are just not the type we are looking for." But then I said "Excuse me but I wasn't finished... I watch Rick and Morty" The Dean looked at me like an idiot and said "So....?" Then I replied with a smile "And I understand all the references and subtle jokes" An audible gasp let out by the board was so loud the secretary had to come in. You could hear a pin drop and then suddenly all at once the entire board clicked their pens on the "Approved Box" and I was instantly handed a diploma and now I'm teaching advanced physicals there. I guess you can say I'm pretty smart. :) Next time you want to talk shit on me, remember my position in life and remember yours. I'm not some druggy piece of shit mf, I'm a fucking United States Marine. A title you will never claim. I've worked harder in the past 2 weeks then you ever will in your life. I have matured, learned, and taught myself how to be independent while you're still living on your parents paychecks. I make my own money, I pay my own bills, I work on a fucking Osprey while you can't even get a job at McDonalds. Don't ever try to talk down to me again because you were once above me because I will do nothing but strive to be on top and be better then the person I was yesterday. I've worked to hard and felt too much pain in my life for you to try and say you're better than me. Gtgo. You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feat. I like playing an assasin type character in a game. How exactly does that make me a weeaboo? Doesnt matter how I play genji good or bad i get called a weeaboo almost every single game and it s really frustrating when the whole chat is spammed with 'look at this fucking tryhard mad weeaboo'. If genji players are weeaboos then widowmaker players are sluts junkrat players mental retards reinhardt players 70 iq retards that can only hold down m2 and can t aim at all. And the list can go on. Please stop insulting people just because they like to play a hero more than the other ones. I think we all have some mains and aren t going to use every single char in the game. Edit. I don t think "widowmaker players are sluts junkrat players mental retards reinhardt players 70 iq retards that can only hold down m2 and can t aim at all". That is just if we think with the mind of a player that cals genji players weeaboos. Every player can be insulted in some way for playing a certain hero. Consider yourself lucky, kid. You got me to take out my sword. I was hoping it didn't have to come to this. Even I thought I wouldn't have to do this. Witness me as pull out my sword, a beautiful piece of glorious Nippon steel, folded over ten thousand times, crafted by the greatest swordmakers the land of Nippon has to offer. I have trained with this blade in several schools, but my power exceeded the strength of even their greatest masters. My techniques have been perfected through infinite training, my instincts honed by years of meditation in the far off land of Akihabara. Your depravity has doomed you to a death devoid of honor, be grateful that I at least grant you death by the blade using only 5% of my true power. teleports behind you Nothin' personnel kid. Why do people enjoy cock and ball torture? The act of intentionally or accidentally bringing pain upon the male genitals is typically a thought that people wince at with great force. However, there is a reason why this is an enjoyable experience. One rooted in the most important of sciences. Physics. Take, for example, a bottle of Tobasco Sauce. If one where to move the bottle up and down in a motion reminiscent to the one used during male self-stimulation it typically results in a moderate amount of sauce exiting the bottle. If struck hard on the bottom, however, a large amount will spurt out. Should this be done with the name genitals, turning them upside down and then striking the bottom of the scrotum with moderate to immense force, this will result in a large amount of seed to be ejected from the penis due to the energy being transferred from the palm of the hand to genitals. Therefore, because of physics and the transfer of energy from palm to the genitals, cock and ball torture is a scientifically pleasurable experience. Ever since the age of 9, I've been abused. People would make fun of me for my slightly larger than average muscles. I've had enough of it, and I don't appreciate your comments about my arms. I'm simply requesting that you treat me as a human being. Under that rough outer appearance, I bet there is a nice, healthy, aesthetically pleasing, heavenly blessed beauty. But no beauty will ever make up for a woman with a negative spirit. I'm so proud of my daughter for stopping a bank robbery today. The robbers went in and held their guns up, telling everyone to put their hands in the air. My daughter (only 3 years old!) stood her ground, faced them directly in the eye, and simply said "If you're being mugged, just say no. Your robbers cannot legally take any of your possessions." Almost instantaneously, the robbers collapsed to the floor, suffering from a bipolar seizure. Everyone clapped and she was given position as senator of the state of Florida, as well as invited by the Democratic National Convention to run for President in 2020. What an unbelievable event! I'm so blessed by God to have such a wonderful child. Yea it was about 20 years ago. It happened to me at my dad's funeral. He wasn't religious, but some woman he didn't even like got up and started singing some religious song. I jumped up and started raging at the entire place. I flipped my shit and started saying every cuss word I could think of. I raged for a while and stormed out. My dad was prominent in the community and there was a lot of people there all dressed up and I had on an old Subhumans tshirt. It was actually pretty awesome, I wish someone would have filmed it. It did piss me off that he was misrepresented. The woman singing was the last straw. Several others had gotten all preachy and shit too. I would love to see it, my memory of the event is fuzzy. It wasn't about me. It was about my dad. I was pissed of and he couldn't defend himself. It was made out at the funeral that he was some hugely religious person, but he wasn't. Ben woke up next to Dennis. It had been a wild night and he groaned as he sat up to assess his surroundings. Somehow after an evening of drinking he and Dennis had made their way to the PragerU secret gay sex room. Ben squinted as he tried to remember the exact details of that wild night. flashback noises “Come on Ben we should head to the secret gay sex room” said Dennis. Ben frowned, “I want to have gay sex Denny” He stated “but you know I don’t enjoy cbt” Dennis whined: “but you know I want to have a gay cbt party Benny boy”. Ben gave in “if you let me pound you hot, sweet ass tomorrow, I’ll do the gay cbt party tonight”. “Deal”. Dennis and Ben preformed the PragerU cock-shake and went into the gay sex room. The first machine Ben was strapped into was the Wendy’s frosty machine. Dennis moaned in pleasure as he pushed that start button, bens balls began to gently spin in the cold unforgiving frosty mixture. His genitalia shriveling with every spin. At first, Ben was in excruciating pain, but as his balls began to get frostbite, he noticed more and more pleasure and less and less pain. “Oh god yes” moaned Ben after 5 minutes in the frosty machine. Dennis saw his best friend's pleasure and started jerking off. Then Ben couldn’t hold it in any longer. He came harder than he ever had, his shriveled balls pushing out every droplet of conservative sperm. It was then that Ben realized the brilliance of the frosty machine. As the cum flowed out of his dick it froze solid, the ice crystals in the cum spreading down his dick faster than he could pump it out. The icy cum ball kept getting bigger inside his frozen urethra as Ben howled in pleasure, that pleasure only making him cum more. Eventually his balls receded into his crotch, and there was no more cum to freeze. Dennis pulled Ben out of the frosty machine. Bens mind was broken from the pleasure, his dick stretched to 16 inches in diameter from the frozen cum stuck inside him. Ben realized that was only one machine of many, and he would have to think long and hard to recall them all. But first, he had to change his newly sticky briefs. Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to take a test in class yesterday, and when I saw some sexy looking quadratics, my boner engaged. When I found the y-intercept of the equation, I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and the teacher got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on a classmate. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. He should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over him, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the teacher didn't agree with me. She KICKED ME OUT of the classroom, and I didn't even finish taking the test. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my cum after it already dried out and solidified on the carrpet. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean dried cum? You CLEAN cum after its FRESH out of your dick, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT quadratic on a test? Either make the equations less sexy, or LET ME jack off in your classroom, asshole. Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows: Pocket-protected scientists built a wall made of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond travelling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall made of metal into 400 miles an hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted earths orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles an hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused over 10000 wayward planes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with over 10000 buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall travelling at miles per iron, and the result proved with out a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man. I keep a folder on my computer called 'picture of dead girls.' It's not what you think, but it's still terrible. Whenever I read a news story about a girl getting murdered, I check for photos to see if she's hot. If she is, I download her pics and add it to my folder. It's not the girls' beauty that gets me off, even though they usually are beautiful. It's the twisted thrill of realizing that she's more or less forgotten, except perhaps by the most aggrieved friends and family members -- and even they have to ease up on thinking about her constantly if they even hope to move on with their lives. She's remembered less and less by acquaintances, friends, mentors -- anyone who's life she touched. At the moment I'm touching myself to her, I'm one of the only people in the world still thinking about her. And yet, as I dredge her memory out of the darkness, it's not to venerate her or celebrate her life -- it's to desecrate her, sexually dominate her, make the whole affair some perverse monument to the fear and desperation she must have felt, right before ended. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers?? what was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives. who will wipe this blood off us?? what water is there for us to clean ourselves?? what festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent?? is not the greatness of this deed too great for us?? must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? Yeah call me a virgin again. My girlfriend is sucking my dick RIGHT NOW and you wish you could have this treatment. oooooh yeah it feels good too if only a virgin like you could know this feeling, HA! Just knowing I can fuck on demand... Whenever I want... She’s still blowing me in fact and she has big boobs! well, what can I say? Just a regular day for me. I can’t imagine how jealous you must be. Fine sire, that quite the shapely shaft thou hast betwixt thine legs! Thine bollocks hangeth but a sliver to the east, with a perplexing bend, akin to the archways of camelot. Thou hast past the cock trifle quite eloquently, o knight of brettonia. But now the king craveth but a drop of thine heavenly juices! Royal fellatio shalt be administered sire! I’m struggling with where to begin here because I’m feeling quite traumatized and violated on so many levels. After what just took place this morning, I’m actually questioning whether or not I should allow my precious 7-year-old daughter to have access to a screen ever again. It’s THAT bad. This horrifying experience involves the popular app Roblox, dubbed the “number one gaming site for kids.” With the second most accessible rating of PEGI 7, Roblox is recommended for children ages 7 and up and it currently has 64 million users. The game contains a multiplayer online gaming platform that allows users to create their own personal avatar, as well as their own adventures (similar to MineCraft). Roblox also provides the opportunity to interact with others’ virtual realities, which is a popular feature of this game. Roblox also has security settings that allow the parent to block outside conversations and invitations. There are also 24-hour moderators that are hired to block any potentially inappropriate content. When my husband and I decided to allow our daughter to play this game, we adjusted the security settings to maximum privacy. Or at least we THOUGHT we did... While laying in bed with my daughter this morning, I was reading aloud to her from one of my favorite childhood chapter books. At the same time, she was playing her favorite game Roblox on her iPad while listening to the story. All of a sudden, she stopped me from reading and showed me her screen. At first, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My sweet and innocent daughter’s avatar was being VIOLENTLY GANG-RAPED ON A PLAYGROUND by two males. A female observer approached them and proceeded to jump on her body at the end of the act. Then the 3 characters ran away, leaving my daughter’s avatar laying on her face in the middle of the playground. Words cannot describe the shock, disgust, and guilt that I am feeling right now, but I’m trying to put those feelings aside so I can get this warning out to others as soon as possible. Thankfully, I was able to take screenshots of what I was witnessing so people will realize just how horrific this experience was. screenshots in comments for those who can stomach it Although I was immediately able to shield my daughter from seeing the entire interaction, I am shuddering to think of what kind of damage this image could have on her psyche, as well as any other child that could potentially be exposed to this. Parents/Caregivers...I urge you to take another look at the security settings on all of your devices and closely supervise your child if you allow them to continue playing games with online platforms such as Roblox. Better yet, perhaps you can join me in taking the rest of this summer to challenge your child to PUT AWAY THEIR SCREENS....AND READ!!! Books cannot be hacked, but sadly, I’ve learned the hard way that a child’s innocence can be just at the touch of a button. Also, I urge people to share this post to get this important message out to others. I’m not sure that I’m prepared for all of the trolling and criticism, but I’ll deal with it knowing that even one child can be spared from experiencing such a hideous situation. I used to play Fortnite all night. No sleep! But ever since Obama told me to try Raid Shadow Legends for free, I am addicted. This game is a game. It has graphics. It has characters. Best of all it has a loot box mechanic to enhance my experience even more by adding another exciting chance based layer to the game! Two week ago I spend all my money becoming a Raid Shadow Legend. Now I live in a dumpster outside a McDonald’s with free WiFi. At night I sneak into the McDonald’s like my new raccoon dad, Stripey, taught me to do so I can charge my phone. Through the cracked screen I am still perpetually amazed by the graphics of this game... they look so real! Thank you Obama, you truly changed my life! I fucking hate JoJo. Every subreddit I go through has a vermin-like underclass of JoJo fanboys. They all just have to say “iS THat A JOJo ReFErEncE??!!!1” on every fucking post that contains a single word that may have been used in the shitty comics. Oh, a suspicious link? Probably a rickroll. NOPE!!! They’ve ruined that, too! One of the oldest goddamn internet traditions shat on and ruined by JoJo fanboys. Thunder Cross Split Attack! So fucking funny, right? I’m wheezing! NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about your shitty comic series. Dio is a stupid character from a stupid comic series. I downvote every post and comment that mentions JoJo, out of pure bloodcurdling rage. I want to detonate a MASSIVE thermonuclear warhead right on top of whatever godforsaken studio publishes that stinking-pile-of-trash comic. Frankly, I don’t even care for the civilian casualties, either. At least they died for a good reason. Unlike JoJo fans, I actually contribute to the betterment of mankind, instead of spamming shitty references on the internet. Every JoJo fan that dies a slow, painful death is a win in my book. I have claimed over a dozen of them already, too. I annihilated their skulls with my fists. Their stupid ice attack didn’t do shit for them either. They dies like they lived, pathetic excuses for humans. I hope more people hear my message and declare war on JoJo. If nobody helps me, I will do as much damage as I possibly can before I die. Thank you. I've been noticing an unusual trend in the quality of Snickers bars over the last decade. I found an old one from 5 years ago and decided to study its composition under my spectrometer and discovered something unnerving. The Snickers bar currently sold in stores contains 43.67% less rare earth elements by weight, when compared to one sold 5 years ago. Do they think they can fool us? It's hard to wrap my mind around why they would do this. Thorium used to make up 12% of the bar, but now it's at 8%, and now there's only 4% Americium compared to 7% just a while ago. It's all been replaced by organic carbon-based matter, like sucrose and poorly crafted carbohydrates. I'm disappointed in the Mars corporation, and I hope my findings will gain enough publicity to force Mars into reverting back to the old formula. Consider this an open letter.
Subs: Sanchez, Barath, Dia, Kinda, Busio, Gerso, Shelton Note: It is entirely possible Gerso starts over Salloi. That’s the only real positional battle for the opener, though.
Western Conference Table
Sporting Kansas City
Vancouver Whitecaps FC
Heading into 2019, expectations were sky-high for SKC fans. Fresh off of securing the top spot in the Western conference and being one half away from going to the final game of MLS Cup, Sporting returned a bunch of veterans and brought in some new players to replace and improve upon the departures. We’ll talk about the players later, but suffice to say: they didn’t. Even the most pessimistic SKC fan wouldn’t have predicted the bottom falling out quite as hard as it did in 2019, causing SKC to miss the playoffs for the first time since 2010. It seems that everything that could go wrong, did. The fact that the season started off as well as it did made the collapse all the more painful. We began our season in CONCACAF Champions League, beginning with the toughest draw of any MLS team: Toluca. Since SKC was the lower seed, we started our campaign at home, with the second leg of the contest being at Toluca. The result? 3-0, SKC. Goals from Nemeth, Gerso, and Ilie. Nemeth looked like the goalscorer we needed at the striker position, Gerso looked like he was going to put it all together with a goal and an assist, and Ilie did this. It was as great of a result as we could have imagined, heading down to Mexico with a commanding lead and no away goals conceded. Everyone expected a cagy, defensive match where we held on for dear life and advanced. Instead, Sporting KC scored in the 8th minute and never looked back, ending the game with a 2-0 victory and heading on to the next round 5-0 on aggregate. At one point, Toluca’s own fans were mocking their team, shouting “Ole!” every time SKC completed another pass. It was hailed around the league, with articles written about the historic win and pundits calling Sporting KC potentially the best pure possession team in MLS history. It’s safe to say that the hype was very real. Next up: MLS play. We opened our MLS campaign against LAFC, who finished third in the West in their expansion year and were widely considered to be a real contender in 2019 (and for good reason). The game took place three days after the victory in Toluca, and three days before we were scheduled to travel to Panama to take on Independiente in the next round of CCL. Peter Vermes opted to play his full first choice XI in California, wanting to fight for as many points as possible to avoid digging a hole early. It would have worked, too, if it wasn’t for a meddling Diomande, who broke the 1-1 tie in the 90+4 minute to give LAFC 3 points. It was a disappointing result, but not cause for any panic. LAFC was good, SKC was tired, all was fine. Fontas suffered a hip pointer and was subbed out, but that’s no big deal. Oh, how naive we were. We didn’t know what was coming. Next up: Independiente. We traveled down to Panama and brought a 2-1 deficit, as well as an injured Salloi, home. SKC beat Philadelphia 2-0 in the home opener, calming concerns that things were going wrong. The home leg of the Independiente contest had SKC cruise to a 3-0 win, 4-2 on aggregate, and backup striker Hurtado was hurt, undergoing knee surgery and given a 2-3 month timetable for return. The next two games were MLS play: a 1-1 tie with Colorado made notable by former SKC striker Diego Rubio scoring the opener before Russell’s incredible free kick salvaged a draw for SKC. There was also the 7-1 home victory over Montreal. Nemeth hat trick, Busio goal, tons of fun. Unfortunately for SKC fans, that was just about the last bit of fun for a long while. Their next win wouldn’t come until the end of May against Seattle. The next CCL matchup was against Monterrey, who completely obliterated SKC to the tune of 5 goals to nil. In the first leg. The second leg wasn’t much better, with Monterrey beating SKC in KC 5-2, for an aggregate score of 10-2. The rest of the season was very bad and I won’t spend much time on it. Two wins against Seattle was certainly nice, but there were way too many embarrassing scorelines. 1-4 against SJ, 0-3 against Atlanta, 1-5 against LAFC, 2-7 against LAG, and 0-6 against FC Dallas all stand out. I’ll get into the players, but it’s safe to say that injuries completely and utterly destroyed SKC’s season. At one point, there were 6 players healthy enough to practice. SKC earned 1 point from the 6 games they played after August to close out the season.
Check out The Blue Testament’s Year in review for every player, located here! Shoutout to major_winters_506 for their offseason roster thread here
Jimmy Medranda: Sporting loses another fan favorite in the expansion draft, as part of a deal including leaving Jimmy exposed and trading Zendejas to Nashville SC. Jimmy was always the heir apparent to Seth Sinovic, while also being able to fill in pretty much anywhere on the pitch. His 1v1 ability will not be forgotten, nor will his incredible goals. Unfortunately, injury really robbed him of a lot of time. Adrian Zendejas: The three-year backup to Melia moved on in a trade with Nashville SC. He only made one appearance with the senior team, starting the 1-1 tie with FC Cincinnati. Seth Sinovic: Seth was acquired by SKC in 2011 from the New England Revolution. Since then, he’s made 210 appearances for us before having his option declined this offseason. He was signed in free agency by the Revs. I think every SKC fan still believes that at some point before the end of the season, we’ll see Seth back on the team and winning the starting left back position. After featuring there for so long, and fighting off so many challengers, it just makes sense. Benny Feilhaber: Another long-time SKC veteran, Benny returned this season from his stint with the Colorado Rapids while SKC was in the midst of its horrible injury crisis. He started 13 games, and gave us some life when we needed it most. Benny had his option declined and remains a free agent. Gedion Zelalem: The extremely talented midfielder never found his footing under Vermes, only managing 5 starts for the injury-riddled SKC. His reportedly very expensive option was declined, and he was picked up by NYCFC. Krisztian Nemeth: Oh, what could have been. Nemeth had a promising start to his second stint with SKC, scoring 7 goals in his first 11 regular season games in 2019, and 4 in CCL. Unfortunately, he would only score once the rest of the way en route to Vermes choosing to not renew his contract. Nemeth is currently without a team. Nicolas Hasler: Hasler was signed for one year to be defensive/midfield depth, and he did just that in 2019, making 9 appearances for SKC. Hasley now plays for FC Thun of the Swiss Super League. Rodney Wallace: Rodney Wallace was signed as wing/left back depth for 2019. He had one start, playing 27 minutes before suffering a season-ending injury. Wallace is currently without a team.
Richard Sanchez: Sanchez was acquired via the re-entry draft from the Chicago Fire after making no appearances in 2019 for them. He will serve as backup to Tim Melia while Dick gets experience on loan and Pulskamp starts for SKCII. Roberto Puncec: Puncec was out of contract after playing for HNK Rijelca in the Croatian league. He appears to be the starting right center back next to Matt Besler, starting there in every preseason match so far. Puncec has played extensively in Europe between Israel, Croatia, and the 2. Bundesliga. Khiry Shelton: Shelton returns after a short stint with SC Paderborn, during which he rarely featured and never scored for the senior team, while suffering an injury which caused him to miss substantial time. While Shelton was injured, Paderborn earned promotion to the Bundesliga, which seems to have proved too high of a level for Shelton. Nonetheless, he’s back in KC and appears to be much improved technically, and figures to be the backup striker and potentially a feature on the wing. Alan Pulido: The Striker that was Promised. He’s here. Sporting KC ownership finally opened their pocketbooks, spending a rumored $9.5m on the Mexican striker who won the golden boot in Liga MX’s 2019 Apertura. Pulido appears to be the perfect striker for what Vermes wants, with a high defensive workrate, combination ability, positional flexibility, and a deadly finish. Expectations are sky-high for the player who more than doubled SKC’s historical net spend. Amadou Dia: Dia returns to SKC after a three year stint in the USL with Phoenix. He will be the backup left back behind Luis Martins. Jaret Townsend: Hey look a draft pick! James Kasak: Hey look another draft pick! Gadi Kinda: I Gadi say, this guys’ name seems Kinda great for puns. Kinda was acquired on loan from Israeli club Beitar Jerusalem. He had enjoyed a breakout season in 2019, scoring 7 goals and 4 assists from midfield in 16 appearances. The Ethiopian has yet to feature for the senior Israeli national team, despite appearing for their youth teams. He was called up for EURO 2020 qualifying. Kinda appears to be midfield depth, but is sure to push for a starting spot this season. He has impressed in preseason with his runs, footwork, and work rate. Winston Reid: The 31 year old New Zealand center back is on loan from West Ham, who he’s made 222 competitive appearances for. Reid hasn’t made a senior competitive appearance since March 2018 due to injury. With almost two years off injured, this move appears to be a gamble that he can regain his form and once again become a top defender. If he does, he will undoubtedly be cemented in the SKC backline.
Roger Espinoza: A bulldog in the central midfield, Honduran international Roger Espinoza was drafted by Sporting KC in 2008. Apart from two seasons he spent in England with Wigan, Espinoza has been a mainstay in the middle of the field, playing as a box-to-box destroyer. Roger lost a chunk of 2019 to injury, and another chunk to red cards (three, tying his personal “best” and moving into the league lead for total). He also proved just how much he means to this team, as SKC went on a terrible run when he was out. As Peter Vermes continues to search for a replacement for the 33 year old, expect Roger to continue to get plenty of minutes. Matt Besler:Drafted in 2009 by the then-Kansas City Wizards, hometown hero Matt Besler has long been a stalwart in Peter Vermes’ defense. Apart from a down year in 2016, Besler has been one of the most consistent players in recent memory, but he’s 33 years old and his contract expires at the end of the year. Could this be the last year we see Besler in an SKC uniform? He looks to be entrenched as a starter and our captain, but it’s uncertain how much longer that will last with a potentially deep CB room behind him. Graham Zusi: Zusi has been a near-constant presence on the wing for Sporting since he was drafted in 2009, though since the beginning of 2017 he has become Peter Vermes’ go-to right back. 2019 saw him named an MLS All Star, although most believe that honor was a year too late and not quite deserved this year. Regardless, how they told him was one of the highlights of the season. Graham looks to be the starter at right back yet again, but Lindsey is gunning for his position and Zusi may not be able to hold him off for much longer. Zusi’s contract runs through 2021. Tim Melia: The 2017 MLS Goalkeeper of the Year should need little introduction at this point, nor should his storied career move from Rochester Rhinos’ backup to MLS pool goalkeeper to his current tenure with Sporting Kansas City. While Melia, along with the rest of the backline, performed not very well in 2019, he will look to regain his top form as the starter between the sticks.
The New Core
Johnny Russell: Scottish winger Johnny Russell returns for his third year in Kansas City having made himself a favorite both on and off the field. Most often deployed as an inverted right winger, his strength and skill terrorized defenses as he contributed 9 goals and 9 assists in 28 games last season. Look for him and his pet turtle to continue to put the fear of god in defenders from the right side of the field. Ilie: The 29-year-old Spanish midfielder is a product of the Barcelona academy and played for Barcelona B for five seasons before a short stint in 2. Bundesliga with 1860 Munich. After joining SKC in 2017, he locked down the starting defensive midfield spot, starting 67 of 68 league games over two years and becoming an essential part of the team’s midfield structure. 2019 saw Ilie start 27 games, and when he was on the field he seemed much less effective than in years past. An All-Star in 2018, Ilie will look to regain that form this year. Felipe Gutiérrez: Chilean midfielder Felipe Gutierrez was probably the MVP of the team in 2019, scoring 12 and assisting 3. Guti was behind only Melia in minutes played, and could be found at all three midfield positions throughout the year, although Vermes obviously prefers him at the attacking midfield spot. His ability and versatility means that it’s a safe bet Guti Gang will be in contention for the most starts on the team, as well as team MVP.
Something to Prove
Andreu Fontas: Fontas, uh, didn’t exactly work out in his first year. His $1m salary was part of the reason why Ike left, and then Fontas only started 10 games, a number of which were very bad, before getting injured for several months. Once he was healthy, Vermes declined to include him in the 18, and Fontas had surgery as soon as the season was over, which will keep him out for roughly the first month of this season. It’s widely speculated that the front office plans to buy out Fontas’s contract, considering the additions of Puncec and Reid and the fact that Fontas doesn’t appear to be in Vermes’s plans even when healthy. The biggest stumbling block for that is his contract: guaranteed at $1m through 2022, it would cost $3m to buy him out and get the cap space that he takes up back. The fans want him gone, so we’ll see if the ownership continues the “injection of capital” and buys out his contract. Botond Barath: The Hungarian center back entered 2019 as the third center back on the depth chart, but ended up starting 20 games, behind only Matt Besler. Barath wasn’t a disaster, but he certainly didn’t distinguish himself as part of Sporting’s backline. Heading into 2020 it appears that he will go back to being a third or fourth option on the depth chart, capable of stepping up when needed but unlikely to be a difference maker. Graham Smith: The 24 year old draft pick has yet to impress for the senior team, starting 10 games and giving up 20 goals last year (including 7 to Zlatan and the Galaxy). Barring another injury disaster, Smith will likely find himself playing the whole season with SKCII, as the fifth center back on the depth chart. Luis Martins: Brought in to replace Seth, Martins appears to have done what nobody has done before: actually replace Seth. Starting the final 9 games of the season, Martins flashed his potential on offense and appeared capable on defense. Martins will start at left back this season and will hope to provide that spark of offense on the left side that Vermes has been searching for, while improving upon 2019’s truly terrible defense. Daniel Salloi: After leading the team in goals in 2018, Salloi suffered a pretty severe decline in production, only managing to find the back of the net once, in the second to last game of the season. By the way the team celebrated, you’d think we had just won the cup. Salloi was another player who lost time due to injury, getting hurt in CCL against Independiente. Daniel will surely look to rediscover his form this season, which should see him draw plenty of starts at left wing. Gerso Fernandes: Gerso was another player hampered by injuries, breaking his left wrist in a game against New England. He had seized the starting role at left wing from Salloi after Daniel’s run of poor form, but wasn’t a clear-cut starter when he returned from injury. Gerso possesses speed that nobody else on the roster has, so he will definitely have a role to play. The battle between him and Salloi for the left wing remains open, and both will surely see plenty of minutes. Eric Hurtado: Guess what happened to Hurtado in 2019? You’re right, he was injured. Sporting’s backup striker lost most of the season to injury, starting only 8 games, all after the season was pretty much over. It appears that the 29 year old will fall to third on the center forward depth chart.
Jaylin Lindsey: After starting 6 games in 2018, Lindsey only started once for SKC in 2019. The reason? You guessed it - he got injured. Turning 20 this year, Lindsey will look to unseat Graham Zusi at right back, something that should be easy if Zusi plays as poorly as he did in 2019. Sporting a ton of personality, Lindsey is a fan-favorite and should at least get minutes rotationally, assuming he stays healthy. Wan Kuzain Wan Kamal: Long-touted as the future of SKC’s defensive midfield, Kuzain missed his chance to get minutes with the first team by getting injured right when SKC needed players the most. Instead, he spent the entire season with SPR, often playing further ahead in the midfield than his preferred position. His passing accuracy of 88.4% shows his skill with the ball, and the 21 year old homegrown will look to have a breakout year with SKC II and potentially get minutes in the senior team’s crowded midfield. Gianluca Busio: Sporting KC’s most promising prospect, 17-year-old Homegrown player Gianluca Busio, was the second-youngest player to ever sign an MLS contract, and is the second-youngest goal scorer in MLS history (thanks a lot, Freddy Adu). In his second full year as a professional, Busio took advantage of SKC’s injury situation by staying healthy, increasing his minutes from 153 in 2018 to 923 in 2019. While Busio occasionally looked lost, he more often did not look out of place playing with men significantly older than him. While he didn’t lock down a starting spot, Busio will look to improve on his minutes for the second consecutive year as part of a very crowded midfield. Cameron Duke: The 11th homegrown player in SKC history, the 19 year old midfielder has been in the Sporting Academy since 2012, and has been part of the US youth national team at the U-14, U-15, U-16, and U-18 levels. Duke will almost certainly spend the entire year with SKC II. Felipe Hernandez: Felipe Hernandez is the first player to go from a SKC Academy affiliate, to the SKC Academy, to the Swope Park Rangers and then to the first team. He’s been touted as the heir apparent to Roger Espinoza, and often looked the part while drawing tons of starts with SPR. He scored eight goals for the USL team, second only to the center forward. Hernandez has the potential to see some midfield time with the senior team, but look to see him spend the bulk of his time with SKC II Tyler Freeman: The youngest player signed to the first team, Freeman spent the whole season fighting for minutes on a poor SPR team, starting only 12 games. The 17 year old forward will look to improve his minutes and production with SKC II this year.
Things to Watch
WE GOT A STRIKER Mission accomplished. After spending years and years waiting for the ownership to open up their wallets and pay for a big-time number 9, they finally did it. And boy, did they do it. Sporting’s net spend on transfer fees heading into this offseason was approximately $4m. Alan Pulido reportedly cost $9.5m, or more than double that. If he can live up to his price tag and capitalize on the opportunities SKC regularly produces, Pulido will score a ton of goals. What’s a defense? Unfortunately, all the goals in the world don’t mean much without a competent defense to back them up. 2019 was a horrible year for SKC’s usually stellar defense. They let in 67 goals, a mark only beaten by FC Cincinnati. Vermes has responded by bringing in two new center backs, Puncec and Reid, keeping Martins around after he started the last run of games last year, and letting everyone else get healthy over the long, long offseason. If SKC wants to be back in the postseason, the defense will have to massively, massively improve. #PlayYourKids The HashtagPlayYourKids movement had its ups and downs with SKC in 2019. A couple of kids missed out on opportunities due to injury, most notably Jaylin Lindsey and Wan Kuzain Wan Kamal. Busio managed to improve his MLS minutes substantially, however, and SKC fended off a couple of suitors to hold on to the extremely promising midfielder. If Vermes wants to boast one of the best academies in MLS, and he does, then he’ll have to give the kids some more time with the senior team, something he’s been criticized for not doing in the past. The players with the clearest path to minutes are Busio in the midfield and Lindsey at right back, along with Salloi at left wing, so expect to see those three to get a solid amount of time. There are seven total homegrowns on the roster, including Busio, Lindsey, Kuzain, Cameron Duke, Tyler Freeman, Felipe Hernandez, and Daniel Salloi. Do the vets still have it? As the corollary to #PlayYourKids, SKC still has a number of older players on the team. The biggest question of this year might be “Was 2019 an aberration due to injury, or a sign of things to come for Besler, Roger, and Zusi?” While Vermes seems to be betting, at least initially, that the older guys still have what it takes, there are capable and hungry replacements waiting in the wings for them to slip up. This is likely the last window for trophies for those three all together, so they will have a strong desire to work hard and prove that they’re not completely over the hill yet.
There are a lot of open questions for this Sporting KC team, which means the range of outcomes is going to be wide. Realistic Best Case Scenario Turns out, 2019 was entirely the fault of historic levels of injury! Sporting looks like the 2018 and early 2019 team, dominating with the ball, snuffing out counter-attacks, and scoring at will by committee. The team returns to the top of the Western Conference and is competitive throughout the playoffs, although not quite doing enough to win the whole thing - the roster construction isn’t quite there. The team does bring home a trophy, though, winning the USOC in a thrilling game. Realistic Worst Case Scenario The veterans really are past it, the kids aren’t quite ready, and injuries do not stay away. The back line remains mediocre and Pulido can’t put the offense on his back. SKC misses the playoffs for the second year in a row, and calls for Peter’s job get much, much louder. Realistic More Probable Scenario Injuries hurt in 2019, but they clearly weren’t the only problem. The defense improves from last year, but is just league average. The midfield is much better than last year, and 5 players play more than 1000 minutes, keeping everyone fresh and competitive. The front three really improves with the addition of Pulido, and SKC scores a ton of goals and is generally fun to watch. It’s enough to put SKC back in the playoffs, and even win a playoff game! Unfortunately, that’s where things end, as Sporting falls in the second round of the playoffs in a competitive game. They make a USOC run, but don’t win that either.
[An ordinary novel but every 10,000 words the audience kills the least interesting character] - 💀 2 💀
Re-rewind 19,683 | Beck The number pulsed red like a dying star. As soon as Beck saw it, his stomach dropped. A feeling crept over his head, jolting the hairs bolt upright, a feeling unfelt since the day he'd torn apart another kid's jigsaw in Kindergarten. A feeling that said justice was currently homing in on him like a missile. "Well, shit," he said. Nobody paid him any mind as he slunk out of the chamber and up the stairs, because they were busy watching Kari. The kid perched on the podium, voice crackling with menace. It wasn't a voice that a ten-year old had any business using. THEY CAME BEFORE I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO SPEAK, Kari was croaking. I KNOW NOT MY MOTHER TONGUE. Yeah, yeah, thought Beck. Come out with your life story just before the audience votes. If it had been anyone else, Beck would have knocked them down, but who hits a kid? He came to his lodge and almost prised the door off the liquor cabinet. Poured himself a nice whiskey in a plastic cup. The bitterness soothed his throat, and he didn't so much mind his cheeks going rosy. He sat in his camp chair by the window, staring at the clouds. Some kind of view, Beck thought. He felt like he'd just finished running a marathon. Behind him, boots clanked on wood. It was Haralda, clutching her clipboard with white knuckles. She'd put on another cardigan. "Come to gloat, I bet," said Beck. "No, Beck." Haralda extended her hand. "Your methods were questionable, but I appreciate what you were trying to do." He stared at her awhile, then slapped her hand away and got her a whiskey. "Alright," he said. "See you on the other side, Madame Gunmetal." "Mr. Miller." She nodded, raised her cup. "Only, I'm not going how those fuckers want me to," he said. And he opted out of being healed. Interlude | Voting results A: Hello and welcome to ‘Everybody’s Gonna Die’, the talk show for dead people, by dead people! I’m your host Alexa Despacito, and no, I still haven’t heard back from the deed poll office. Here with me tonight is Beck Miller! How are you feeling, Beck? B: Huh? What’s going on here? A: Well Beck, I’m afraid you’re dead. B: I know that, you dumbass. What I want to know is why I’m on a talk show. A: It’s called an exit interview. We like to catch people on the way out, if you follow my drift. B: Fuck you, fuck your name, and fuck everything you stand for. Let me die, already. The audience is bored enough of my shtick. A: Dying? Oh, that reminds me! How do you feel about being the second to die? B: No comment. Suck my incorporeal dick. A: Sounds like you’re pretty upset. B: I have a question. A: I’m the one asking the questions here. Okay, seeing as everybody is quite clear on how you feel about the situation, let’s get on to the reader mail. Do you want to hear why the readers voted for you? B: Not until you answer my question. A: If you want to ask a question, then why don’t you just go ahead and ask it? We’ve got a limited timeslot here. B: Good. Do you want to hear my question? A: Alright. I suppose we can fit it in. B: Are you sure you want to hear my question? A: Shit or get off the pot, Beck. B: I just want to know if you’re ready to hear my question. A: I’m ready. Go ahead. B: Okay. So, why are you such a— A: Now it’s time for the reader mail! Boy, did people get worked up writing essays about you. In fact, our 25 respondents wrote nearly 1,000 words between them! Isn’t that impressive, Beck? B: Don’t these people have day jobs? They must lead such sad little lives, if all they do for fun is wank themselves silly over killing some guy they barely know. Alright. I wanna know everything they said about me. A: Wow, that’s awfully co-operative! Why the sudden change of heart? B: I can’t cuss them out if I don’t know what they said. See, they’re going to be getting some very personalised insults. A: Alright. Response 5 said ‘you were off on your own the whole time and didn't really develop much more personality than just being an asshole who swears a lot, not very interesting’. B: Good going, response 5, you absolute dumbass. Both times I had the wordcount, I had so little personal space I was practically tripping over the fuckers I was stuck with! And once they’d had their fun, they just fucked off somewhere and left me with no time to shine. I was there making things interesting; they just didn’t want any part in it. In conclusion: go back to school and learn how to read, dickwad! A: He doesn’t mean that, response 5. He’s just venting his frustration. After all, I didn’t go to school and here I am reading and writing like a champ. B: You’re a presenter. You’re not expected to be intelligent. A: Thanks for the reassurance, I was starting to feel the pressure. Response 7 said ‘you're mostly kind of a dick. No particular redeeming qualities. Other people become more interesting by their association with you, the ways they interact with your dickitude’. B: Nice work, 7! Did you paste that in from your autobiography? Furthermore, what kind of moron thinks ‘wow, this guy is slightly different from the others and creates interesting interactions, let’s remove him and homogenise the story because all I want to see is hand-holding and, eventually, unrestrained fucking?’ Wait, I know. This kind of moron! A: Erotica is actually one of the most popular genres out there at the moment. B: Well, yeah. I bet Haralda reads it, the spinster. Don’t worry, 7, now that I’m out of the way, nobody can stand in the way of the 10,000 word orgies! A: Response 20 simply wrote ‘antagonists are overrated’. B: A lazy message gets a lazy response. 20, your mom is overrated. A: Don’t worry, audience, this joke isn’t in bad taste. If 20’s mother was dead, I’d know about it. B: And I’d have fucked her. A: Easy there, Beck. Think about the implications of what you just said. B: Oh yeah, I’m thinking about it, alright. A: ... A: Anyway, Response 21 wrote ‘Man, come on, if you think that being interesting just boils down to shooting people and being an asshole, then I’m sorry to tell you that you are mistaken.’ B: How many more of these are there? A: Just the one after this. B: I’m getting tired of wading through such bullshit. Should have packed my waders. Because I’m seriously tired. Of these dipshits. A: Why’s that? Have they made you lose your nerve? B: No, but come on. Look at all the films coming out in the cinema nowadays. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a superhero flick, some banal action shit, hell, they’ve even turned sci-fi into banal action shit now. Let me tell you the plot of those films: one or multiple people shoot other people while being assholes and saying asshole things. Shit like, ‘dodge this!’, or ‘Remember me?’. People can’t get enough of that! You think they’re not assholes just because you see them get a cat out of a tree in the opening sequence? I’m the only one conforming to genre expectations here. A: I wouldn’t know. I get turned away from cinemas on account of having no ID. B: You’re not missing out. Next? A: Finally (and mercifully), response 23 wrote “You’re a one-dimensional character with extremely simple motivations. If you’re going to be a villain, at least be an interesting villain.” B: Give me a break. I had big plans, motherfucker. It’s pretty hard to act on your plans when people keep walking off while you’re speaking. But why should I waste time trying to convince some dickwad who never sets a foot outside? A: Uh… do you keep up with current events, much, Beck? B: People who have time to read the news have time to do something productive. If you read the news every day, you’re getting your mind poisoned. A: Okay, we’ll just let that irony hang over your head, then. Who would you like to ultimately see win the challenge? B: Me. A: I… don’t think that’s possible. Could you choose someone else? B: I don’t know. Haralda. She’s a bitch, but like, a good one. A good old bitch. I can see her taking on my legacy of stopping people from doing boring shit. A: Right. I can reveal that Haralda was actually second in line to be killed, with 16% of the vote share to your 28%. It doesn’t seem like she’s a fan favourite. B: What do you want me to fucking say? I hope she pulls through? I don’t really care, Alexa Despacito. A: The character the audience currently finds the most interesting is… Faust, with a 0% vote share. B: The one that always looks like he’s about to cry? Yeah, from having read these responses, I can see why the audience would relate to him. Enjoy your beta male, dipshits! Try not to jizz too hard when he spends a whole chapter writing poetry! Are they actually serious here? A: What do I know? I’m just a foetus. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, that’s all we’ve got time for tonight. I’ve been Alexa Despacito, this was my guest Beck Miller, and this has been ‘Everybody’s Gonna Die!’ See you in a week! Begin Wave 3
Come one and come all for the third edition of /reddevils Charitable Muppetry! For those who are not familiar, over the last few years (Edition 1, Edition 2) we've put together some friendly betting around transfer news with all of the proceeds going toward charities. Our first edition raised over £800/$1000. Now, with our sub bigger than ever, let's see if we can break that. The format of this is pretty simple. You challenge others to around the signing of a certain playestaff membeetc. and name your charity. If you're right, the one who accepted your challenge pays out to your charity. If you're wrong, you pay out to their charity. For example:
"I will bet £25 on Dybala signing for Manchester United in the summer of 2019. Name your charity and I will pay it if we don't. If we do; you must pay the MU Foundation."
All challenges must go toward charity (and no, "My Broke Ass" is not a charity), anything benefiting a specific individual will be removed. For top level comments, you must include a challenge. You can, of course, include a "pitch" for your charity of choice as part of this. Please comment accepting a challenge we can clearly see who is paired up. If you've completed a challenge, please post verification as a response to the verification comment below. I will keep track of the challenges and update our totals table as we go through this summer. Please keep this clean and light-hearted folks, this is all for charity.
The goodness of his own heart...also known as a the fryer at McDonald's
(Current State of the Game) Mario Kart Tour Feels like a Pay-to-Win game that is based on Luck and Spending Money! #NotMyMarioKart
Before you downvote me on the spot, please take the effort to at least read what I have to say, and then consider if this discussion post is downvote worthy. PLEASE DON'T INSTANTLY DOWNVOTE MY POST WITHOUT READING FIRST!!!!! ___________________ A message to Nintendo,MarioKartTourand to the Mario Kart Tour Community; I'm going to talk about the state of the the game, and I'm gonna be real honest here. Mario Kart Tour is a huge disappointment, a game with aggravating controls and endless micro transactions.This game is all based on luck; doesn't matter how many drivers or gliders you have. Nintendo doesn't really care, about anything - They simply need the money. Due to this company having an abundant amount of employees, they can make amazing, high-quality games; in return, they'll be extra greedy in finding every possible way to empty as many wallets as they can, each mobile game they launch getting more and more pay-to-play. I'm going into depth of why Mario Kart Tour is a bad game. ___________________
1. Overall Gameplay - What to Expect
Mario Kart Tour is a simple gacha-style Mario Kart where the controls were designed to work on mobile devices. Your kart will drive automatically, and there are "barriers" everywhere to prevent you from going off the track. Finger swiping for steering (which will be awkward for early-players), automatic jump boosts, and getting "combos" to rack up lots of points for stars is what you'll expect when playing this mobile game. Instead of aiming for 1st, you'll have to grind for points, stressing out to acquire endless amounts of attempted combos while going 2 laps around a tight course while versing computer-controlled players (spoiler to those who DON'T KNOW - You are NOT playing with real people)! Then, you'll waste all your gems on a warp pipe, a cannon that will blast your "mystery prize" into the air, surrounded by screaming Toads that are probably making the "moment" more suspenseful. Once you begin to understand what's coming out of that pipe, you'll begin to pray to get the featured "High-End character" (that has a 0.3% drop rate); instead, you'll probably get stuff you already have (aka duplicate rewards), which will tempt you to find every possible way to get more rubies to throw into the pipe. It's honestly a disgrace to watch Youtubers pray their hearts out for High-End Characters to come out of that warp pipe in front of our faces; this is just awkward and doesn't seem right. This game doesn't have the competitive thrills like other Mario Kart games, just an endless cycle where you find more ways to toss rubies into the pipe, grind for the most points, and collect stars to unlock cups, while challenging computer players. Mario Kart Tour is one of the most disappointing Nintendo games out there, and most of you will agree. The gameplay for Nintendo's Mario Kart Tour just doesn't seem right. So, is this Game Fun? Yes, it can get addictive. Racking up points and unlocking cups, while unlocking your favorite characters can get addictive, encouraging the player to play everyday. However, this game doesn't have the thrill like other Mario Kart games, and isn't a game that people will love for years. Let me ask, is Mario Kart Tour your favorite Mario Kart game? We should all know the answer once you get into the game and find out what Mario Kart Tour is really made of (and WHY it's different from the other Mario Karts). Mario Kart Tour is different because it's a mobile game, an app that constantly needs to be updated (unlike Mario Kart 8). I guess Nintendo took the complete advantage of the mobile industry as a way to make more money, and attempted to put endless micro transactions in the game, in which they succeeded. I dislike how Mario Kart Tour was structured and is "too cynical to be fun". The sole purpose of this game is NOT to have fun, but to be addicted to getting points, and praying for endless cosmetics to come out of a warp pipe. This is NOT how we really play Mario Kart. ___________________
2. In-App Purchases in the Game
I don't mind spending money. Mario Kart Tour is an amazing game and all, but that "amazing part" of Mario Kart Tour is guarded behind endless amounts of paywalls. If you don't mind paying colossal amounts of money for Mario Kart Tour, then this is not the game for you! You need to spend lots of money in order to be successful faster in the game. Each cup you complete will have more offers greeting you to spend some money on the less-mediocre rewards that are hidden inside the present boxes. If you are a person who likes to spend large amounts of money on mobile games, then I suggest you skip this part, because I'm criticizing in a Free-To-Play perspective, or a player that spends not a lot of money on mobile games. Nintendo completely takes the "mobile service" advantage and offers endless transactions, some that aren't even worth it. There has been news saying Mario Kart Tour has made millions in the first month, which proves how Nintendo succeeds in persuading us in using certain strategies to open our wallets. In fact, half of Nintendo's income comes from their mobile apps, jam-packed with in-app purchases, urging the player to spend even more. Mario Kart tour is basically Nintendo's gold mine. Don't even think about Wario's gold mine. Subscription Pass There is a $4.99/month (US) subscription pass to unlock 200cc and lots of prizes/rubies from prize boxes, which isn't that bad for an offer (2 week free trial before paying $4.99/month). I rather get a whole ton of games from Apple Arcade with that kind of money, than spend it on this mediocre subscription that provides you a limited amount of rewards. Rubies RUBIES ARE SO EXPENSIVE! Right now, Rubies are the most valuable currencies in the game right now, and you can use them for 2 things: (1) Toss them into a pipe for it to spit out random rewards at you AND (2) Play Gold Rush and get a maximum of 4000 gold when you spend 25 rubies. Dying for more rubies? You can purchase them in the shop (or buy the offers), which the prices are atrocious. (Prices are in US in this example)
3 Gems – $1.99 (rip-off offer - Not Even worth it)
You can buy 3 gems for $1.99 ($0.66 per ruby), or 135 gems for $69.99 (about $0.50 per ruby). With the most expensive pack, you can pay the "45 ruby for 10 random rewards offer" a total of 3 times, giving you about 30 random rewards in that gacha warp pipe, while 3 rubies will help you go nowhere. Now look how much you are saving if you're willing to spend that much money on this gacha, greedy game. I rather not buy gems in the shop with those insane costs, and there is no sign of that changing. Shop Offers You probably came across the Rosalina Pack and the Diddy Kong Pack while scrolling through the shop, and they are NOT worth it. You should spend your money elsewhere than waste it on these terrible packs featuring drivers with terrible abilities. The Diddy Kong pack costs about £39.99 (about $50 US) and it can reward you 90 rubies (20 random rewards total when doing the 45 ruby 2 times in the warp pipe), and one measly quick ticket, and Diddy Kong. Or, you can use the same money to buy Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, one of the best Mario Kart games out there that has very similar costs to this "Diddy Kong" pack, unless it's on sale. You can buy Deluxe, featuring online racing, lots of spectacular courses, and endless fun. Or you can buy the Diddy Kong Pack, featuring a racer with a bad ability, 20 random draws in the pipe, and a quick ticket, for a gacha game demanding you to invest endless time and money. It's your choice. __________________
3. Mario Kart Tour Drivers
Mario Kart lets you race with your friends, playing as your favorite drivers, gliders and karts, but NOT Mario Kart Tour! In Tour, you choose certain drivers that favor certain courses (in order to draw 3 items in an Item Box and to unlock their "Frenzy Ability"), instead of the driver of your choice. You "could" choose the driver of your choice, but not get that many points in that certain course. You are encouraged to choose certain karts and gliders to give you higher points, or increase your chances of getting certain items (ex: Banana split, mushrooms, etc). The sole purpose of this is to acquire as many points as possible to get 5 stars in courses (and to unlock more cups). Special Skills for Drivers Personally, I think this is partially the unfair part of Mario Kart Tour. Some of the drivers were given terrible abilities, and most of them are hands-down disappointing. Maybe the reason for some of the common and super drivers having horrible abilities is for Nintendo to indirectly persuade you to spend some more money on better drivers (which means feeding the pipe AGAIN). Most of these abilities are just too random. Let me list a couple of drivers that were struck with bad abilities (and how to balance these bad abilities):
BUBBLE: This bubble prevents you from moving your cart, and is way to unpredictable! And even worse, the bubble will suddenly pop without notice, most likely stressing the player out in every possible way. It's a pretty bad ability for experts to use, but decent for beginners. Pretty hard to balance, as it's similar to the "Heart" ability.
DASH RING: Rosalina and Ludwig have this ability - even OPPONENTS can use this ring! Now that's downright disappointing because you're helping yourself AND your opponents to succeed
MUSHROOM CANNON: Peachette is a High-End driver and she has an ability to shoot mushrooms all over the course, but in tight spaces, OPPONENTS can use the mushrooms to give themselves a boost! Not so great when in crowds.
DOUBLE BO-OMBS: This ability used by a large variety of drivers, including Shy Guy and Musician Mario, which is just too situational (same as Peachette). Too many drivers have this disappointing ability that will often backfire and won't really do anything.
BANANA BARREL: Currently a skill owned by Diddy Kong, but isn't that good. The Banana Barrel's initial purpose to cause enemies to spin out, covering the track with a sea of bananas. However, you are shooting bananas in front of you, but you will most likely cause frustration to yourself as much as your opponents.
PROPOSED BALANCE CHANGES For Tour
BUBBLE: The duration of the ability will now be shown to the player
DASH RING: Opponents can no longer utilize this ring (for a boost), and will only get points for passing through - Dash Ring Boost increased by 15-30%.
DOUBLE BO-OMBS: Bo-ombs will be deployed slightly further apart
MUSHROOM CANNON ( Rework): Reworked to the Golden Mushroom. The driver gets unlimited boosts for 8 seconds (by tapping on the screen? - Can be used over and over again); Lower chance of appearance when driver is 1st-3rd place
COIN BOX (Rework - optional) - The driver will now wear the Coin box on their head (debut in New Super Mario Bros 2), and will receive a ton of coins. The faster they move, the more coins the player will get! Reduce the number of coins from the coin-box by 50-60%)
Duration of a Frenzy will now be shown to the player
Duration of a combo will now be shown to the player
New Released Drivers and What to Expect Your favorite drivers will probably be attached to a disgusting ability, encouraging you to scavenge for gems/coins to get better drivers. And worst of all, newly released drivers are SKINS of regular drivers, which are basically Peach and Mario clones. We just got Kimono Peach in the last tour, and now VACATION Peach in this tour. In this rate, I'm gonna be battling against 7 other Peaches in a race, each with a different costume. Now if I'm playing as Bowser, how fun will that be? ___________________
4. Standard & Tour Challenges
The standard challenges are great for you to get extra rubies to feed the pipe. It really does if you are craving for free rewards. The BINGO style of getting the 9 featured rewards wasn't a bad idea, and will benefit you long-term. After you complete a challenge, you'll get a "stamp", something to show off when racing with those bots. However, Tour Challenges seems to get harder and harder (some of them), due to some of the challenges asking you to use a certain character (containing a certain body-part OR type of clothing) to race (such as a racer with 3 hairs; NOW we need a racer with an extended tongue). And worst of all, Nintendo seems to encourage you to spend some more money to GET these characters to complete these challenges, IF you don't have them; which the completed challenge will only reward 1-2 stars. I'm starting to bet that Nintendo will make a challenge, "Earn a score of 10000 points using a female driver with a kimono outfit", or "Earn a score of 10000 points using a driver with a Hakama outfit". You'll get a whopping 5 gems if you complete this challenge, urging the player to spend some more to feed the pipe, sadly. Challenges are a way to encourage players to play more. A harder challenge with huge rewards when completed will urge players to spend and invest lots of time into the game. ___________________
5. Mario Kart Courses (And Multiplayer)
Love the course debuts from previous Mario Karts (SNES, DS), and I'm mesmerized by the music and how beautiful each course looks - It looks so polished. I literally fell in love with Paris Promenade because of how good it looks! But in each course, I've noticed something common in some (or most) of these courses. They all have really tight spaces, which is terrible for Mario Kart tour if EVERYONE are given automatic jump boosts and dashes. Secondly, Nintendo seems to want to recycle the same old courses, some in reverse, some with "Dinos", or more ramps. Multiplayer will be so hectic and chaotic because everyone's travelling at the exact speed, doing the exact thing, resulting to "crowdedness". If you're not 1st, you'll simply need LUCK to survive. I just hate it when it's very crowded with drivers while I'm getting an item box, because since OTHER PLAYERS are getting a box, I need to pray that I don't get my kart hit by a green shell from a driver in front of me. And usually at this moment, it will be extremely hard to climb your way back to 1st because EVERYONE's travelling the same speed, and get instant jump boosts. At this point, you'll need luck to work your way back up. So my suggestion for Nintendo is to make the width of the raceway a bit longer, resulting in less crashes in the beginning of the game, so a race will rely a bit more on skill instead of luck. However, due to everyone racing the same speed, I guess this change wouldn't help. ___________________
6. Error Codes in the Game
For some IOS and Android phones, you might come across an error code that'll prevent you from doing anything. On my phone, I got the Error Code 806-7250, an error code when you load the game, and I have to restart my phone every single time to get a chance to play again. However, when I possessed the gold pass (free trial), I never crashed once. I tried contacting them, they never answered. Anyways, If you come across an error code, you should do the following;
Uninstall/Reinstall Mario Kart Tour
Restart your phone
Clear ALL data and cache from Tour
If all else fails, try contacting support.
7. The State of the Subreddit
The Subreddit is slightly growing, and I've hardly seen any effort posts in here. There is hardly any concept art here (obviously), and barely any ideas to improve the game (such as my post). Basically, this subreddit is filled with a sea of garbage, such as low effort memes that don't even deserve rewards. Everywhere you go in this subreddit contains pictures of fake gacha-shots, race bloopers, low-effort memes, and dino-dino posts; these posts seem to get a lot of upvotes, in which aren't really deserved. Because the mods aren't doing anything, there is nothing for me to say here. ___________________
8. What is Mario Kart Tour Doing to You?
Teaching people and children how to gamble - The Warp Pipe is a gacha in Mario Kart that will spew out mystery rewards. Maybe Mario Kart Tour is indirectly helping the gambling industry in some way, encouraging children the arts of gambling? In Tour, you'll be addicted to feeding the pipe, trying to get the featured High-End Driver.
Teaching you how to play a rip-off Mario Kart with completely new rules that you'll have to adapt to (on mobile), which includes the 2 laps (instead of 3), instant boosts, invisible walls that prevents you from drifting off the track, item boxes reappearing instantly, etc. On other Mario Kart games, you'll probably suck after playing Tour and completely forget how to play.
Teaching you the arts and joy of spending money (in long term, resulting in consumer debt, or your parents yelling at you after stealing their credit card to purchase the Diddy Kong Pack)
Causing you to be overall lazy-minded (due to confusing controls initially trying to make it more convenient to steer. In Tour, EVERYTHING is done for you! No worries when falling off the track or missing an item box; automatic jump boosts are done for you when going off a ramp; your cart automatically moves. However, you will NOT be lazy when scavenging for resources to feed the pipe!
Making you feel sorry for Youtubers when they beg for High-End drivers in front of our faces; If they do get a High-End driver (from the spotlight), you'll wonder if YOU will get the spotlight driver (Also known as encouraging gambling)
Causing you to experience depression (and/or rage) after getting bad rewards in a pipe OR being unlucky during a race (ex: You were first place; before you cross the finish line, you get hit by a shell, causing you to spin out...drivers begin passing you, and you get...8th place!)
Final Words - Is Mario Kart Tour even worthy to be played?
Well, I don't know what to say. Mario Kart Tour has a lot of potential, but right now, it's just a big disappointment, to the extent that I rather buy Mario Kart 8 Deluxe than this gacha nightmare. The existence of Mario Kart Tour was probably to make the mobile version look so atrocious that it will forcefully encourage people to buy the Nintendo Switch because everyone has a mobile phone, but not everybody has a switch. If that's the case, then you have convinced me well, Nintendo! Now, before you attempt to get the mods to remove my post, read my post and CAREFULLY think about your player base and the game itself. Understand what the community has to say. I understand that Nintendo is a huge company and that there are a ton of employees that require income, but inserting endless micro transactions into the game is NOT how you treat your players, and will not last long term. Mario Kart Tour's endless in-app purchase offers are even worse than Clash Royale revolving around a monthly-subscription called "Pass Royale". I'm not one of those players who quit right away; I'll be a good Free-To-Play player and wait another month or two to see if you guys change so I can observe. But if nothing really changes or gets worse, especially if this game becomes solely based on luck and money, then it may be time to hold down the Mario Kart Tour icon and click "uninstall" to release all that grief; that'll save a lot of time and money for sure. ___________________
SHORT SUMMARY - Here is a small list of my points, with a brief summary:
Overall Gameplay - What to Expect - Play Tour! A gacha game where you collect drivers, race with bots for points, and feed a warp pipe!
In-App Purchases - Endless micro transactions everywhere you go! Stop and buy some to succeed!
Mario Kart Drivers - The Special Skills are disappointing! Battle against 7 other Peaches in a race!
Standard and Tour Challenges - Earn A Score of 10000 with a driver with a Hakama Costume!
Mario Kart Courses - The courses look beautiful, but high chance to crash during a race!
Error Codes - I can't play with this thing blocking my way.
State of the Subreddit - Completely dominated by low-effort memes (Literally)
What Is Mario Kart Tour Doing to You - Making you become a lazy, stressful gambler.
Is Mario Kart Tour even worthy to be played? - I rather play Mario Kart 8 with my friend than play this mobile abomination
___________________ If my post is messy, if I've missed information, or if there's a typo, please feel free to correct me in that certain section because I'm too lazy to read it again. For those who want to see my other "State of the Game" post, the link is here: Clash Royale - 1 Platinum award + 1 Silver Brawl Stars - 1 Platinum award Rush Wars - 2 Gold Awards (New Supercell Game that has died in Beta) EDIT: I had to repost this "Discussion Thread" because people were downvoting me without even reading.
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